I was banded a couple of weeks ago and I have been shocked by how many people, intelligent people who I consider my friends, have said to me something to the affect of, "You're going to be so pretty after you lose all that weight."

Like, you are ass ugly now with all that fat hanging off you, but once that's gone you will look good.

Anybody else come across this compliment? Do you feel the same as me, or do you take it as a true compliment?

I try to take it as a compliment as I know it is intended, but I cannot help but feel like it is such an insult.

I dunno peoples, I have to agree with Wasa here. As a general rule, we ARE oversensitive about this issue and there is no winning with us. Even when someone simply says "Gee, you're so pretty!" without the "if you lost weight" tag behind it, we mentally add that bit anyway. I would venture to guess that most of us are uncomfortable with any compliment and will manage to twist it in our heads to downplay it.

And let's face it folks, if we thought we looked fantastic fat, would we have had this surgery? Health issues aside, the cosmetic look of a severely obese person is not attractive. Do (did) you look in the mirror and think "HOT!" or "Fattie!"? Do you really think you will look prettier when fat or thin?

We need to learn to hear the genuine compliment in the statement "You have such a pretty face, you'd be gorgeous if you lost weight". Yes, that does mean you don't look gorgeous at 300lb (gee surprise surprise), but it ALSO means you have a pretty face! And now that we have found our pathway to losing weight, we can look forward to being gorgeous!

Those who compliment us with the "if you lost weight" proviso are almost always trying to be sincere. They are trying to focus on the good points, not be insulting about the bad points. Face it, if they wanted to be insulting, they could simply say "Fat ass!" and who among us hasn't heard that before? Our self esteem is low enough with the genuine insults that we get from rude people, without allowing our insecurities to turn genuine compliments into insults too.

wooohoooo Fanny!!!

Yep - I agree

I dunno peoples, I have to agree with Wasa here. As a general rule, we ARE oversensitive about this issue and there is no winning with us. Even when someone simply says "Gee, you're so pretty!" without the "if you lost weight" tag behind it, we mentally add that bit anyway. I would venture to guess that most of us are uncomfortable with any compliment and will manage to twist it in our heads to downplay it.

And let's face it folks, if we thought we looked fantastic fat, would we have had this surgery? Health issues aside, the cosmetic look of a severely obese person is not attractive. Do (did) you look in the mirror and think "HOT!" or "Fattie!"? Do you really think you will look prettier when fat or thin?

We need to learn to hear the genuine compliment in the statement "You have such a pretty face, you'd be gorgeous if you lost weight". Yes, that does mean you don't look gorgeous at 300lb (gee surprise surprise), but it ALSO means you have a pretty face! And now that we have found our pathway to losing weight, we can look forward to being gorgeous!

Those who compliment us with the "if you lost weight" proviso are almost always trying to be sincere. They are trying to focus on the good points, not be insulting about the bad points. Face it, if they wanted to be insulting, they could simply say "Fat ass!" and who among us hasn't heard that before? Our self esteem is low enough with the genuine insults that we get from rude people, without allowing our insecurities to turn genuine compliments into insults too.

Great post, Fanny! You made many very good points! Just thought it was worth repeating.

My dad said it in a weird way. You are an attractive woman now, so I hope you are doing the surgery for the right reasons.

Then after the surgery, he said, Once you lose all the weight, you are going to be a very attractive woman, a knockout.

So I couldn't be mad at him for that.

I look at it this way... I can have surgery and lose weight.

I can have plastic surgery and fix the way I look.

BUT, you just can't fix STUPID! LOL

I've decided that most people are just out to make themselves look better... SO, I'll just reverse roles one day. Or, kill that person with kindness, people often feel worse about what they say if they don't get a reaction from the person to whom they speak.

This woman at work told me that she is so happy for me because she thinks I'm going to be so gorgeous after all of this is said and done. And I just couldn't help but think, god, do you realize how bad that sounds? But all I could do was smile and say thank you though my brain was reeling. Whatever, they don't know what it's like and I don't think they mean anything bad by it. It's inconsiderate, but it's hard to empathize when you truly cannot relate.

I remeber seeing a bumper sticker that said "I may be fat but your Ugly and I can Diet", think I was around 16 at the time.

I always broached the subject of my weight gain before someone else had the chance too - always in a humorous way, I was the thin one until I got married. So, in becoming the "Fat" one - I could not let someone else feel uncomfortable with having to mention what I already knew since I do own mirrors, so I would quash the topic fast, have a laugh and move on. I gladly take any and all compliments that come my way, I try not to be sensitive with the imperfections that accompanied the weight gain...rather work to be a healthy person - Who, can get PS and fix the "fat" issue rather than the "ugly".

people like that drive me nuts one time someone said that to me that i had a pretty face and youd be pretty if you lose some weight i just looked at them and said well if being skinny is being an insensitive b***h like you im glad im fat. LOL then i walked away. cause i didnt band myself to be skinny i banded myself to be healthy becoming skinny is a side effect!

I dunno peoples, I have to agree with Wasa here. As a general rule, we ARE oversensitive about this issue and there is no winning with us. Even when someone simply says "Gee, you're so pretty!" without the "if you lost weight" tag behind it, we mentally add that bit anyway. I would venture to guess that most of us are uncomfortable with any compliment and will manage to twist it in our heads to downplay it.

And let's face it folks, if we thought we looked fantastic fat, would we have had this surgery? Health issues aside, the cosmetic look of a severely obese person is not attractive. Do (did) you look in the mirror and think "HOT!" or "Fattie!"? Do you really think you will look prettier when fat or thin?

We need to learn to hear the genuine compliment in the statement "You have such a pretty face, you'd be gorgeous if you lost weight". Yes, that does mean you don't look gorgeous at 300lb (gee surprise surprise), but it ALSO means you have a pretty face! And now that we have found our pathway to losing weight, we can look forward to being gorgeous!

Those who compliment us with the "if you lost weight" proviso are almost always trying to be sincere. They are trying to focus on the good points, not be insulting about the bad points. Face it, if they wanted to be insulting, they could simply say "Fat ass!" and who among us hasn't heard that before? Our self esteem is low enough with the genuine insults that we get from rude people, without allowing our insecurities to turn genuine compliments into insults too.

I think Fanny and Wasa have it right. Life's too short to assume the worst. I decided a long time ago that I would give people the benefit of the doubt because it's free :seeya: and feels better!

i think its pretty obvious when ppl say ohh if u lost weight ud be pretty.. orr ud be more healthier .. hellooo nothing like stating the obvious.. i kno ppl just want to help but.. when u hear it most of ur life.. u get sik of hearing it...

ppl always comment on how i would be pretty if i lost weight.. i cant wait to say well ive lost it.. to that perticualr person when are u gana lose it??

I know those comments are intended for good but how ignorant can they be? I mean it seems like common sense that they are being hurtful. I've been getting the "pretty face" comment my entire life and I'll never understand how people don't realize how inappropriate it is.

I think my favorite one that I get a lot is "you have such beautiful skin."

LOL, bless...people want to be kind and coming from someone who is extremely self conscious, it doesn't bother me a bit. I mean, if someone told me right now I was gorgeous or a knock-out at my current weight, I think that would bother me...b/c I would think they were trying to be a smart-ass or sarcastic. That's not to say that a heavy person can't be beautiful, I in particular do not feel pretty right now. My goal isn't to be a knock-out, just a normal, average girl. I can't wait until I can put my body type as "Average" on myspace!

I can't stand those kind of comments either. I hate that people think that skinny is the only way you can be beautiful. I'm sorry but I'm beautiful now and i'll be beautiful when i'm at goal weight - i'll just be much healthier along the way. I know I'm probably in the minority, but I'd much rather people didn't comment on my weight loss at all unless I'm related or close friends with them. I've gotten insulted by those kind of "compliments" so many times! I usually confront the person about it and explain why it's not a compliment - they always seem perplexed by my logic lol. It drives me crazy.

i can top em all!!! i once heard.....

"you're so pretty,.....yea, i'm not really into the thinner chicks!"

ok, if that was a lame attempt at a come on line i still wasn't impressed and sooooo turned off immediately! why not just come out and say, "i like fat chicks and you're a fatty mc-fat-ster!" ?!?!

once I talked to a guy on the phone for the first time after meeting him out at some random place, anyway among a million other really horrible comments he say to me is this" I mean you know I like my girls with a little meat on there bones" 1st off NOT necasary to say to anyone. 2nd I didn't just think for one minute that this douche saw me from across the room and thought to himself hay i've always been attracted to skinny girls but that fat girl she's special and I havn't even spoken with her yet.3rd I don't like chubby chasers makes me feel bad about myself. Anyway needless to say he did not get another phone call from me. yuck!