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Dating with excess Skin as a Man.



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Hey, So lately i start to geht more and more anxious, I got my RNY-Bypass sept. 2023, i'm currently 36 years old from Germany. my Starting weight was around 230kg, i'm now at 125kg, it is a lot right?, But me being Anxious about my excess skin is kinda..Hart on my self esteem, i kinda think that even after my Fight is won, that nobody wants someone who is kinda...mhm.. Weird? , for comparions, a photo from 1 day to OP and one from today.

IMG_20240604_174841.jpg

pre op.jpg

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Posted (edited)

You are looking great, well done.

Not a man but feeling the same way and have a lot of self doubt about starting to date (my friends are trying to push me to it) because the excess skin is all fine when it is hidden under the clothes but God forbid anyone was to see me naked, it is bad enough when the good looking doctors have to take a peak!

I realise that a lot of my fear is in my own head and of my own making but not helped by social media etc.. At the moment I am trying to focus on the mental side of things and practice a bit of self love (no not masturbation 😂) by reading books on finding happiness and learning to dampen my own negativity. I never thought it would be something I would read and try to act on but I am trying my best to put positivity out into the word and hope it comes back. I am learning to have a smiling face instead of resting bit*h face, it is hard work 😂 Not sure if or when I will ever put myself out there but the positivity is good to give and get.

Anyway, I just wanted to say you are not alone plus everyone (not just bariatric patients) is weird in their own way and we just have to try and embrace it and find that other person (persons) who get us.

Edited by FifiLux

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Congratulations on your success for starters!

I would not say you are weird, the excess skin is a badge of honor and proof of your hard work. That being said I completely 100% understand feeling self conscious of it. I am not a fan of the stomach folds and flappy arms on myself either.

However, once you meet the right person, they will look past that to the person that you are. Yes it will take effort and bravery on your part to put yourself out there, but you've been on this journey I'm sure to live your best healthier life to the fullest which includes companionship.

Maybe also seek out some therapy or a bariatric support group that can help with your anxiety. You are not alone in your feelings.

I know plastic surgery here in the US is quite expensive, but I definitely will be looking into it when i'm closer to goal. If that is something that is attainable for you, may be something you can work towards. But in the meantime try not to hold yourself back from enjoying this new lease on life.

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Thank you so Much for your Answers! Both of you <3,

yes i am seeking Therapy and be open about it, its sometimes that lingering fear of things not working out for me, in Germany i can get Plastic Surgery, and if the Documentation work is good the Health insurance would cover part of it. I also agree with, there is maybe a Special person who doesn't care and Loves me for who i am a Man can Hope. And Push forward.

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CONGRATS and don't be too hard on yourself: you've done amazing work for your future and yourself. I can understand how this experience would be difficult and am sending a virtual hug!

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Just wow. You have smashed it. My advice for what its worth would be. Give yourself time to adjust to being smaller. I am into my 3rd year post op and still look in the mirror and wonder at my size. I have always been big and it has taken me a while to adjust to not being the focus of everyone's eyes. With clothes on I fit in this world now. Without clothes ? at your age, I would get the surgery. At my age I am ok with the skin

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Posted (edited)

On 6/4/2024 at 11:45 AM, Shanna NYC said:

Congratulations on your success for starters!

I would not say you are weird, the excess skin is a badge of honor and proof of your hard work. That being said I completely 100% understand feeling self conscious of it. I am not a fan of the stomach folds and flappy arms on myself either.

However, once you meet the right person, they will look past that to the person that you are. Yes it will take effort and bravery on your part to put yourself out there, but you've been on this journey I'm sure to live your best healthier life to the fullest which includes companionship.

Maybe also seek out some therapy or a bariatric support group that can help with your anxiety. You are not alone in your feelings.

I know plastic surgery here in the US is quite expensive, but I definitely will be looking into it when i'm closer to goal. If that is something that is attainable for you, may be something you can work towards. But in the meantime try not to hold yourself back from enjoying this new lease on life.

"However, once you meet the right person, they will look past that to the person that you are. Yes it will take effort and bravery on your part to put yourself out there, but you've been on this journey I'm sure to live your best healthier life to the fullest which includes companionship."

THIS /l\ exactly this! Even if you're "weird" there are others (such as myself who used to be the Pom Pom cheerleader type) who ended up falling deeply in love with a comic book gaming geek who was so not the type I dated. When I first met my now husband he said he was too "weird" and (stupid for saying this) not "in my league" but because of his squishy weirdo heart I fell for him. There is someone out there who will love you for all the right reasons - have faith you're adorable "weird" self! You deserve to find someone who will see all that you are and embrace your self perceived "faults" and see all of you!

Edited by BlondePatriotInCDA

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As someone who has lost 200 pounds in 2 years, I can 100% understand and sympathize with the loose skin situation. And being married doesn't really help. My husband is a good man, and he loves me, but he struggles with how much thinner I am now (he's what's known as a chubby chaser, and he loved it when I was around 260-270 pounds) and with all the loose skin (there's A LOT).

He tries not to show it, but I can see it in his eyes and on his face. It makes it hard to keep my confidence up, but I know he loves me and I know he's happy with how much healthier I am. The weight and skin are things we talk about and are working through. It takes time and patience, but if you find the right person, it can work. They are allowed to feel a certain way, but they aren't allowed to make you feel bad about it. Remember that.

You did this for you and your health. If they love you, they'll understand and be willing to communicate and work through their issues. If they get disgusted and give you a hard time, they aren't the one and you just move on.

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Hey, Thank you all so much for the Kind Words and Motivation.

Of course i will Continue my Journey since i am not Finished. And the First year isn't even over for me. I will just Fight and Push like i always did, and Start to tackle the social Anxiety, i Guess you are Right, if i want a Chance at Love. I should try.

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