Hi everyone,

I'm having a really tough time dealing with my mother in law. There's no kicking her out, my husband won't because his other siblings won't take her in. (She tried to split up his brother with his new wife just after they had a baby, and his oldest sister has ended all contact with her)

Part of the reason I did this surgery is to have a reason to say no to her feeding me/guilt tripping me to eat junk food. Before she moved in 5 years ago. I was 130lbs. I know it's 100% My responsibility what goes in my mouth, but over the years, she's made it so hard. I was done, defeated. After reaching out and getting therapy, they think cutter her off will be the only way to have long term weightloss success.

She's not meant to do any shopping but she does, all she buys is junk food in the reduced section. She buys so much, she bought a massive freezer to store it all in. The worst part is that she has no idea of how calories work, so she thinks eating healthy food = will undo all the junk she ate, so in her mind by eating all of it, after a chocolate binge, she'll lose weight so she will eat all the meat and vege in the house (she's about 450lbs) and then guilt trips us because we didn't eat the 5 cakes, 6 packs of donuts she bought etc.

I thought with this surgery I could just say "I can't eat those things, they could kill me" and maybe she would stop buying this much junk.

Sadly no, she's going H.A.M at me now. She threw a tantrum when my husband told her I was getting the surgery, tried everything in her power to stop me from getting it done. Once I had it done, she started spreading rumors, said I spend $25000 on cosmetic surgery etc, she's just really making life hard for me, mentally and physically. She's also started eating my protein water, eating my Optifast, denying it. Then offering me things like donuts when I have no food in the house, which I can't eat, I had surgery 15 days ago, and shes refusing to acknowledge it. Instead she'll buy my favorite junk food and put it on display and keep telling me it needs to be eaten NOW. I found out a few days ago, the meals I make for my husband she keeps throwing in the bin to justify buying the junk, she said he throws them out because he hates them and he's a bad husband and I should leave him, I told him this and he said he'd never do that and that she's been saying him I'm useless and I'm not cooking for him and if he wanted she can ask me to leave. So she's clearly started trying to put us against each other, he said she used to do this to him and his siblings as kids and we just need to ignore what she says and tell each other, so we know what's going on.

I'm just so exhausted, I can't keep living like this, I have to hide my food and I've started to think about the next stages, which are going to be so much harder to stop her from sabotaging. I just want to be able to meal prep and have a normal life but my husband has said, she can't buy a house until interest rates settle down, there's no rentals in the area and he can't kick her out because she will have nowhere to go, so we just have to put up with her until then. I just think I needed to rant about this but at the same time I'm just really tired and I just want to have a normal life. It feels like I'm probably going to be hiding optifast and just using that for meals until she's gone, because I can't trust anything in the kitchen.

That is just awful. She sounds horrid. I hope you get away from her as soon as possible. I would also start documenting everything she does and says with date and time and take pics too (all the things about leaving stuff out, throwing things away, etc.) - she's trying to gaslight you. The documentation could help should you ever have to commit her.

Put key locks on all cabinets (leave her one) and fridge. And definitely put one on your bedroom/bathroom.

It's your house. She may have 'nowhere' to go, but you absolutely do not have to be near her or engage with her.

On 11/17/2022 at 3:14 PM, Jeanniebug said:

Wow... Just, wow... I agree with others about locking the fridge and cabinets - and throwing away all the junk she brings into the home.

Ask her if she wants to go into a lockdown dementia facility. Because the way she's acting, that's where she belongs. You might want to have an intake nurse come evaluate her, just to prove the point that you mean business. If she doesn't straighten up and fly right, she's being sent to a home. Clearly she's incapable of feeding herself proper food and she's losing her memory - proven by her eating your special food and saying she didn't.

^ All of this. If she wants to f*ck around, let her find out.

Toxic manipulators really don't deserve any chances, especially when they are clearly in the process of gleefully causing damage.

Omg and I think I have it hard just dealing with temptation when I go out with friends and family. I can’t imagine dealing with this in my own house everyday. Do NOT let her win. Every pound you lose In spite or her trying to sabotage you is a little victory over her. And every argument you and your husband do not have is another one. She clearly thrives on causing drama and if you refuse to give it to her she probably still won’t change but it will steel all her thunder at least. I have a family member who is mentally ill and refuses to get help and she likes to create drama too. I had to practically cut her out of my life and keep her at a distance because I struggle with my own mental health issues that I do try to get help with but, if you are strong enough you can have her around and let her THiNK she doesn’t phase you. She surely will get to you at least from time to time but try to hide it if you and your husband do argue agree to do it outside of the house where she can’t see it and she will try even harder for a short while to create issues but ideally it will lose its novelty if she see that you are losing weight as you want to and your husband and you are a united front. No matter what do not let her sabotage this for you. You deserve this.