Donali's post about MO being a disease has been revolving in my head the last few days. It occurs to me that extending that analogy is very helpful when it comes to understanding the band and its role in my future.

What I am doing, with the help of my band, is MANAGING my chronic disease of morbid obesity. That's why I don't have a "goal" and why my "journey" will never be over. This is not a disease for which I will find cure, but one which must be managed for the rest of my life.

Like many people with MO, I've been totally unable to even minimally manage my disease in the past. Short-term searches for cures have been pointless, of course; the only surprise about that is that anyone ever expected they'd be anything else. Chronic diseases require PERMANENT management, and it is not shameful or weak to pursue help in this regard. Help is available to the various degrees that people need it--up to and including the implantation of an assistive device.

The good news is that it's working. My MO has receded to a degree I've never thought possible, and I'm counting on my band to help me keep it in check. I refuse to feel like I'm any less of a person because I have a medical device implanted to help me manage a disease I did nothing to deserve.

Amen to that! Diabetics take insulin. I have a clotting disorder which I take medication for and have an implanted filter. I have to manage the disease or it can kill me. Same with the Lupus they labeled me with. Amputees have prosthesis. Some folks have defibrillators or pacemakers. It's all the same. Except that our disease shows up on the outside - sorta like leporosy, which wasn't very popular in society either.

Good post, Alex, as always.

Alexandra....

I feel exactly the same way...but I couldn't articulate it quite yet. Donali's post has had me thinking, too, and I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this is the rest of my life and it's ok to not have an answer when people say "how much weight do you want to loose?"

Megan

You all are so right! I just want to get to a healthy weight and what ever that is time will tell and I will know it when I get there.

No matter how much you all lose, just remember you have all changed my life already. You are always here to listen and give good advise. I am a better person because of each and every one of you. I have learned so much from you all that I will not be blindfolded through the rest of my life with my band . I know help is right here.

Hi Alex,

Amen Sister! As I struggle to lose the last pounds, I also realize that it will be a neverending challenge to keep the weight off permanently. THe band is helping me, but I also feel empowered cause I have to do a lot of the work myself.

Babs in TX

334/184/170

-150

Remembering that my larger than normal body is the symptom of a disease is what keeps me sane most days. When we diet solely to lose weight we are treating the symptom, and not the disease.

When we deal with those demons rattling around in our heads we're treating the disease. But, those demons, and that disease, won't go away forever. But that's okay. Before the band we were outnumbered. Now we have help. If we backslide the band gives us breathing room. Now we get a chance to catch our breath, and think it through. Just how bad do I want the friggn' donut? No, I can pass on it, just for now, thank you.

Imagine that you have a special type of measles. Unless you have 120 measle bumps on your body you'll die. But if you go much over that you'll die. So your job is to keep yourself to the optimum number of measle bumps, so you'll live a better, longer life.

Measle bumps or pounds, the concept is the same. We can do what we have to do to lose it, and keep it off. In fact, the pounds I'm losing now are far less important to me than the pounds I keep off in the years to come.

Somebody asked me how much I lost today. "About sixty pounds," I said. "But that's nothing compared to what I've gained."

Whip.

Ya know...I ADORE Donali and most everything she writes...but I have a diferent perspective.

I haven't spent years eating more than I need when I wasn't REALLY hungry because I'm MO. I'm MO because I've spent years eating more than I need when I'm not really hungry. So all I can wrap MY brain around is the concept that my MO is a symptom of my being insane.

This came up because a week or so ago, my PCP offered me "something to reduce my appetite." I started laughing and told him that I don't eat because of "an appetite" or to "correct" the "problem" of hunger. I eat to "correct" the "problem" that I'm not eating.

I see that MO can kill us and for that reason it is a disease..but, FOR ME, it is a disease secondary to the NEED (compulsion, if you prefer) to eat all the time. ALL THE TIME. It is NOT about the food. It's about self-comforting or avoidance of distress or whatever it is that if I really knew the answer maybe I could stop--or not.

So, I'm once again "Valium-deficient." But I am an instant addict on that stuff, so...not a great idea. And Xanax wasn't around when I went to my LAST Valium detox event...but I take it that it's more addictive.

So I'm reading up on drugs to deal with the anxiety that won't kill me faster than the food that I'm currently (apparently) treating myself with....I'll just let that preposition dangle.

Anyone else crazy, or just me?

I haven't spent years eating more than I need when I wasn't REALLY hungry because I'm MO. I'm MO because I've spent years eating more than I need when I'm not really hungry. So all I can wrap MY brain around is the concept that my MO is a symptom of my being insane.

I think we're saying the same thing. Your disease, if you will, is that compulsion. People without the compulsion are not MO; people with all sorts of compulsions get an assist in managing them before the compulsions destroy their lives. MO is no different in that respect.

Obviously not everyone who becomes morbidly obese does so for the same reasons. People who gain weight for the first time after having kids, for example, and then keep gaining are probably not in the same medical category as people whose BMIs broke 35 while in their teens. People treating inner anxieties or voids are in a different boat than men who drank too much beer and now want to lose the huge spare tire.

But whatever the medical causes, treatment should NOT be withheld until some arbitrary benchmark has been reached. That's what Donali was talking about. For me, treatment is management because I am not aware of any compulsion or other underlying cause for my being morbidly obese. A combination of nature and nurture dealt me a very unhappy hand, one I am finally learning to live with without being destroyed by it.

Well said, everyone!!!!! These posts alone have elevated me to another level. Thank you all so much!!!

Hey Sue -

You already know I'm crazy too!!

I'm not sure what the scientific difference is between a disease and a disorder (obsessive/compulsive disorder), but I do know that both are treatable. Have you ever tried Meridia? It really helped dim that drive to eat for me - whatever that drive is.

And I think the fact that MO IS so complex in most people is one of the things that makes it so hard to treat. How do you know that your drive to eat when you're not hungry isn't a physical drive instead of an emotional or just plain crazy one? Just because you're physically full doesn't mean you're sated (obviously).

Until the "experts" can sort it all out, I believe we need to throw everything we have at our disposal at this thing - counseling, surgery, medication - whatever works for the individual. We're all so very different, and yet we have so very much in common.

If you haven't tried the Meridia before, you may want to give it a shot. It really helped me. I mean, after all, if you're using food to medicate yourself, why not try actual medicine?

From one insane gal to another... lol

From what I understand from my nutritionist, people react differently to Meridia. Has to do with brain chemistry. A woman at my office lost tons of weight using it. When I had my fill removed b/c of slipped band and started gaining weight, I tried it and it didn't do a thing. But, it's worth a shot. It's expensive ($100+ for 30-day supply) and my insurance didn't cover it. I am VERY glad it works for you because you're flying solo, if I recall correctly. (I haven't posted in awhile b/c I'm too busy eating everything in sight while I'm un-filled! Missed ya'll.)

Elizabeth

8-28-03

-60 w/three fills

unfilled 6-04 due to slippage +20

re-positioning 3/10/05 A second chance!

a medical device implanted ...Alex let me tell you the truth about this device.

God made some white,black, brown,yellow and red people. He made some male and some female. He made some tall and some short. But he intended to make us a proper weight. Then he realized every invention has its flaws. And some of us we eating up everyone elses food supply. So he had a recall on some of the models with the defect and sent and army of angels (the Dr's) to put a stop to repair our flaw.

Now he needs to g=figure out how to fix it for those of us that grew taller then our hairlines.

Once again, Alex, you were there at the precise moment I needed you. I've been contemplating starting a new thread about last night's binge (which was the worst and most painful experience since Banding.) But I've started too many binge threads, so I was lost. But then I read this and I can breathe again. I have a disease. It controls me most of the time, but the Band helps me control it some of the time. I'm foregoing my Breakfast this morning and wish I had the mental capacity/willpower to go on liquids for a few days to make sure I don't snap my band (that's how much I ate last night.)

Thank you, it's as if you knew I needed this. Thanks.

It's strange but I my eating habits and my past smoking habits are the same. Something that I did too much of that would eventually kill me. Unfortunatly eating is not like smoking; you have eat. I haven't smoked a cigarette in 17 years and with the my lap-band and new eating habits I hope to say "I haven't been overweight for the past 17 years when I turn 63. But it is a whole mind set that has to change - food can't be number one panacea to cure my ups and downs. I've started to make my wish list goals; I want to wear shorts again, I want to go shopping in Dillards on the 1st floor (no fatty clothes there), I want to fit into an airplane seat without squishing myself in, I want to be able to work in the yard for the whole afternoon without my feet killing me at night, etc.! To say I just want to lose weight is not tangible enough because I have all this other mental baggage that wants to hold me back.

Yes, we do have a "Disease" or an addiction and that does mean we have "treat" it the best we can do. If you are going to "treat" it, then do it with positive reinforcement and baby step goals. Weeeehaaa I'm so psyched for the next year of peeling back the layers and finding my lighter (physically and mentally) self.

Lisa, I can't take credit for bumping this but I'm sure glad it's there! It's a great reminder that we don't fall off the wagon with regard to managing this condition. It's not a short-term diet we can fail at.

I hope your binging is over, sweetie! How's that office coming? Got the lock in the door yet?

Once again, Alex, you were there at the precise moment I needed you. I've been contemplating starting a new thread about last night's binge (which was the worst and most painful experience since Banding.) But I've started too many binge threads, so I was lost. But then I read this and I can breathe again. I have a disease. It controls me most of the time, but the Band helps me control it some of the time. I'm foregoing my breakfast this morning and wish I had the mental capacity/willpower to go on liquids for a few days to make sure I don't snap my band (that's how much I ate last night.)

Thank you, it's as if you knew I needed this. Thanks.

You're beating yourself too much. If you "fall of the wagon" don't try to make it up by doing drastic reactions - NO SKIPPING BREAKFAST. Take that deep breath and plan out your meals, get rid of any residual crap that would tempt you and take a nice long walk. You've done so well, no self flagelation!