So, I’m around 6' - 6'2" 289 lbs and am scheduled to get a sleeve gastrectomy next week and my parents are understandably upset at me going through with the surgery as I had an uncle pass away while getting a similar procedure. I initially didn’t want to tell them because I knew it would worry them, but now that I’ve told them, they’re worried so much more than I anticipated. They don’t think I need the surgery and despite my motivation to use this surgery as a tool to lose weight, my parents think this is an irrational decision. It's gotten to the point where they're constantly gaslighting me, asking if I'm mentally okay, if I need help, etc. I strongly believe in the need to go through with this surgery, but it’s difficult going through with it knowing my parents are holding their emotions as a hostage to deter me from going through with it. I believe it's emotionally manipulative (citing that my decision will push them over the edge, causing them to go into a psychiatric ward, or something worse). There are other things they've told me like I'm not disciplined enough, not working hard enough, taking the easy way out, etc. I'm emotionally exhausted and I’m not sure how to navigate this. I don’t know if they’ll ever come around to accept my decision. What would you guys do in this situation? Should I do a conference call with my surgeon? I’m hesitant to do that, though (one parent irrationally threatened that he would sue the surgeon for going through with it). I just don’t know what to do. I know this is the right decision for me, but I just can't seem to understand their point of view. Any help is appreciated.

This is why I didn’t tell my family and said I was getting a hernia repaired. I didn’t want to argue or talk about any of it. I’ll let them figure it out later when I’m feeling and looking better.

1 hour ago, ClareLynn said:

This is why I didn’t tell my family and said I was getting a hernia repaired. I didn’t want to argue or talk about any of it. I’ll let them figure it out later when I’m feeling and looking better.

Yep..... that's basically what I did.

I said I was having surgery on my stomach. I have other issues with my stomach anyway, so I just kept the main part to myself, I omitted the main part of it so that mentally I can focus on my health and my journey w/o everyone's input rather negative or positive it's not a conversation I want to have everytime someone talks to me?

Wow. Let's call a spade a spade—that is abuse on their part.

But screw them. They're not going to be supportive no matter what. Let's talk about the reality here.

Are there people who could lose 100 lbs. on their own with diet and exercise? Yes. And they all have something they'd really like to sell you.

It is NOT the easy way out. It is basically giving you a lifesaving tool—the TEMPORARY ability to restrict your calories and not be starving hungry and tempted to undo it. Basically you are going to get a year or so to reevaluate your relationship with food without having things like a sugar addiction hanging over your head. But it is still diet and exercise.

I wish I could beam into your head the wonderment I feel as I shrink down. I'm 6 feet tall and have lost 85 pounds in four months (including pre-op). I haven't broken out into a random sweat; I can work all day (physical labor) and just be tired when the other guys are tired; I can run and jump and fit in spaces meant for average size human beings; I can buy clothes in normal stores; I don't have any comorbidities anymore, and in fact when I got Covid, it was mild and my doctor said my weight loss almost certainly helped with that.

tl;dr You do this for you, and the hell with what your gaslighting parents say. Psychiatric ward, my hind foot.

Thanks for the amazing responses. They've been so helpful in alleviating some of the feelings I've been having before my surgery. I'm getting my surgery tomorrow and I'm nervous but so excited!

21 minutes ago, itami o said:

Thanks for the amazing responses. They've been so helpful in alleviating some of the feelings I've been having before my surgery. I'm getting my surgery tomorrow and I'm nervous but so excited!

Good luck tomorrow ?

6 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

Good luck tomorrow ?

Thank you!

It's their overdramatic way to show you that they love you. It is control though. Ultimately, as I'm sure everyone has said, it is your life and the decision is purely your own and you can do it! You're going to rock this procedure and process and come out a new YOU on the other side - if you do the work. All the work. There is a lot of work. You can do it. It's yours.

Good luck!

The fear is theirs to deal with, not yours. However, people with huge fear issues can be very hard to live with. My husband also yelled lots about how I was taking the easy way out, etc. etc. all of my kids had to do a couple of conference calls with him to calm him down, express their support for my decision, etc. I’ve since lost 85 lbs, am off cholesterol meds, no more insulin nor high blood pressure meds. I feel so much better. Let their fears be their issues and not yours. We have enough of our own problems to deal with!