Hi - I've started the process of VSG, got my consult, letter of medical necessity, insurance etc... but I have one burning question....

How do people cope? I assume most of us (overweight) got here by over eating for fun / comfort etc. I am a big family eater/drinker - i.e. love hanging with family and shooting the ... for hours while grazing and enjoying wine - the fear of that disappearing scares me to death. I know I can't be the only one - so I'm curious about other peoples experience and regrets if there were any.

I'm currently 290, highest weight was 330, lowest was 178.6 about 8 years ago after losing weight on slimming world on my own. I feel like it's pathetic that I can't just do that again - I also never felt 'hard done by' when I lost the weight before, but I was still able to (over)indulge at holidays etc.

Clearly the before approach didn't work and I've been morbidly obese my entire life, but I'd love some feedback from the veterans here about coping with that loss, having the sense to see past current eating joy and realize that joy that comes with the ability to be active, not self conscious about weight etc...

Any help / advice is greatly appreciated!

Brian.

On 11/14/2021 at 11:59 PM, vikingbeast said:

I was actually a food writer for about a decade... you don't write about food without eating in restaurants all the time, which is part of how I ended up two french fries short of 400 lbs. I had the same concerns.

But here's the thing—I don't actually miss it. As corny and BS as this sounds, a taste is enough.

My mother-in-law made a pie. I had two small bites. It was enough. I catered pizza to my daughter's school; I had a few bites.

And if I do overindulge on something, the restriction kicks in right away, and reminds me why we don't overindulge on everything.

I do find myself suggesting more active things ("let's go have a bonfire at the beach", "let's go hike through the nature preserve", etc.) rather than just defaulting to a meal with people. And if I do go to a celebratory meal, I just... don't eat much.

Thank you so much for this! This is coming from a man who just bought two 28oz lobster tails and 2 6oz A5 fillets for the weekend. Surgery is fast approaching and without seeing your reply I was terrified about missing out on some stuff. It’s kinda crazy since I lost 150lb naturally before and still went out and had wine and a lobster and veggies or surf and turf - I guess I have it in my head that the portion restriction means everything is out the window but it sounds like I can go back to my old eating style with smaller portions and still be successful. Here’s hoping!

5 hours ago, mrbml said:

Thank you so much for this! This is coming from a man who just bought two 28oz lobster tails and 2 6oz A5 fillets for the weekend. Surgery is fast approaching and without seeing your reply I was terrified about missing out on some stuff. It’s kinda crazy since I lost 150lb naturally before and still went out and had wine and a lobster and veggies or surf and turf - I guess I have it in my head that the portion restriction means everything is out the window but it sounds like I can go back to my old eating style with smaller portions and still be successful. Here’s hoping!

I'm not going to pee on your leg and tell you it's raining.

You have to change your approach to food. It's vital. If you don't change your "old eating style", you will not succeed. It doesn't mean eliminate things, it means WAY smaller portions, sometimes to the point where it's not worth buying, say, separate steaks for you and your partner.

At three months post-surgery, I literally could not finish a 28 ounce lobster tail before it went bad. If I'm REALLY lucky and my stomach is 100 percent empty, I can get 4-5 ounces of protein down before my restriction kicks in, and then it's hours before I want to eat again. Yesterday I made a pound of ground turkey breast into burgers, intending to eat half in one meal and half in another. I made it through four ounces of the stuff and was vaguely nauseated all day.

You will have to eat your protein first, then your vegetables, then your starches. No exceptions. So if you get surf-n-turf, you might get two ounces of lobster and an ounce or so of wagyu down (I have trouble eating much steak, which is a shame given that steak is what I do), and you MIGHT have room for a few bites of vegetables, and MAYBE a bite or two of baked potato. And I mean little bites. If I get 2 oz. of rice or potato down, it's a lot. And I eat much more than your typical bariatric post-op patient because of how active I am.

You also are going to have to give up, at least temporarily, drinking anything with dinner except maybe a sip or two of water to help drier proteins go down. That means no wine with dinner. Once you're used to how to eat, and once you're cleared for alcohol, a sip or two isn't going to kill you, but you simply won't have room for both wine and food even if you drink the wine first. I nursed a glass of Barolo for almost three hours in Vegas.

tl;dr you can eat kind of whatever, but because you have so little room, you must prioritize your eating so you don't get sick, weak, or anæmic.

2 hours ago, vikingbeast said:

I have trouble eating much steak, which is a shame given that steak is what I do

I'll tell you guys about the dinner I had while out with family that ended with me throwing up steak in some bushes. In public.

But listen to this, OP. You will *indeed* have to change your attitude to food, and only then can you try getting a handle on some - not all - of the items you used to like.

Seriously, though. It's food. There's something not right if we mourn this as a grave loss. It should send some alarm bells ringing about what we use food for (emotional comfort, stress relief etc.) and maybe it can be an opportunity to work that out.

On 12/17/2021 at 12:17 PM, MiniGastricBypassDude said:

I'll tell you guys about the dinner I had while out with family that ended with me throwing up steak in some bushes. In public.

But listen to this, OP. You will *indeed* have to change your attitude to food, and only then can you try getting a handle on some - not all - of the items you used to like.

Seriously, though. It's food. There's something not right if we mourn this as a grave loss. It should send some alarm bells ringing about what we use food for (emotional comfort, stress relief etc.) and maybe it can be an opportunity to work that out.

Agreed. The "steak is what I do" comment, though, wasn't about my mourning a grave loss. It was about the fact that I work on a ranch and literally the ranch produces steaks ?

40 minutes ago, vikingbeast said:

Agreed. The "steak is what I do" comment, though, wasn't about my mourning a grave loss. It was about the fact that I work on a ranch and literally the ranch produces steaks ?

Does it count if I probably ate a whole ranch pre-surgery?

21 hours ago, MiniGastricBypassDude said:

Does it count if I probably ate a whole ranch pre-surgery?

Me too, my friend, me too. I look at photos of what I used to consider dinner and it's now an entire day's worth of calories for me.

Just now, vikingbeast said:

Me too, my friend, me too. I look at photos of what I used to consider dinner and it's now an entire day's worth of calories for me.

Dude, I still count out calories (just eyeballing based on menu) in restaurants before I order. Then I have whatever tartare or veggie dish I thought would fit me (don't worry, ordered plenty ribeyes and foie gras, too). And then I eat 1/3 and think 'what was all the fuss about, you'll never eat a whole portion anyway'

Or getting takeout now that I'm home with the WuFlu. I throw 90% in the trash and wonder why you can't get smaller portions. Such a waste. I can't imagine what being in America would be like, these are Euro portions we're talking lol

11 minutes ago, vikingbeast said:

Me too, my friend, me too. I look at photos of what I used to consider dinner and it's now an entire day's worth of calories for me.

And it doesn’t bother you? I know I may be beyond panicky about it and I’m sure I’ll adjust - it’s just almost like I don’t trust myself to be OK head-wise with not being able to finish or having to order an app for a main etc? I suspect this is a dumb fear since last time I lost the weight when I went out I’d make an awful lot of adjustments and not have an issue - being 150lb lighter was the reward for those adjustments but I fell into a depression a few years ago and ate my feelings - since had therapy and got my head straight but still can’t shake the weight.

21 minutes ago, mrbml said:

like I don’t trust myself to be OK head-wise with not being able to finish or having to order an app for a main etc?

I know I wasn't asked, but that hasn't stopped me from replying before and it sure won't now ...

It doesn't bother me. I see it more as an opportunity to be the guy that finally decides how much I want to eat. When I'm full, I'm full. If whatever is in front of me didn't make me full, I'll order more. If half of it satisfied me, I'll stop eating.

Just make a game out of it. Know that goal #1 is to be satisfied. Imagine what a coincidence it would be that one portion - not 0.8, not 1.2 - was the exact amount you wanted to feel satisfied. Now imagine how many times you've had 1.0 portion and how weird that actually is. That we just eat a portion because it's there?!

You still have full control, also post surgery. It's just a lot easier to have that control. And you'll see, you'll be perfectly happy with your 0.3 / 0.5 / whatever portion.

Edited December 20, 20214 yr by Guest

29 minutes ago, mrbml said:

And it doesn’t bother you? I know I may be beyond panicky about it and I’m sure I’ll adjust - it’s just almost like I don’t trust myself to be OK head-wise with not being able to finish or having to order an app for a main etc? I suspect this is a dumb fear since last time I lost the weight when I went out I’d make an awful lot of adjustments and not have an issue - being 150lb lighter was the reward for those adjustments but I fell into a depression a few years ago and ate my feelings - since had therapy and got my head straight but still can’t shake the weight.

I've learned to be okay with wasting food, especially because I live in the United States, where portions have been out of control for decades. Last night I went to a birthday party at a seafood restaurant. I ordered the "lighter appetite" bucket and it came with—I kid you not—eight grilled prawns, a decent size lobster tail, probably 8 ounces of grilled chicken, 6 ounces of grilled steak, a whole elote (cob of corn), a cereal bowl full of rice and beans, and half a dozen taco-size flour tortillas with sweetened butter.

I ate four of the prawns, the lobster tail, and a bite each of the chicken, steak, elote, and rice and beans. I had a tortilla without the butter, and was absolutely, 1000 percent full. I took the rest home to my sister. And I'm okay with that. I ask for a to-go container to be brought with the food because I know I'm not going to eat the whole thing. Sometimes I just order an appetizer, too. I offer no explanations, and the one time someone protested, I said, "This is as much as I care to eat."

18 minutes ago, vikingbeast said:

and it came with—I kid you not—eight grilled prawns, a decent size lobster tail, probably 8 ounces of grilled chicken, 6 ounces of grilled steak, a whole elote (cob of corn), a Cereal bowl full of rice and Beans, and half a dozen taco-size flour tortillas with sweetened butter.

laughs in European

22 hours ago, mrbml said:

And it doesn’t bother you? I know I may be beyond panicky about it and I’m sure I’ll adjust - it’s just almost like I don’t trust myself to be OK head-wise with not being able to finish or having to order an app for a main etc? I suspect this is a dumb fear since last time I lost the weight when I went out I’d make an awful lot of adjustments and not have an issue - being 150lb lighter was the reward for those adjustments but I fell into a depression a few years ago and ate my feelings - since had therapy and got my head straight but still can’t shake the weight.

I don't usually order an appetizer for a main because it's not the sort of food I want. I usually eat out for work when I'm on the road, so work is paying and I have no way to reheat the food. I just eat the amount I want and send the rest back. I have to convince them that yes, I did really enjoy the food, but I am stuffed!

When I go out to eat with friends at home, I will take the food as leftovers. Last weekend I got a small pulled pork sandwich and ate the pulled pork out of half of it for lunch then ate the port out of the other half for dinner. It was completely satisfying for both meals. I do try to order things that will reheat well.

This topic is a large part of why my first surgery wasn't more successful. I was quite the party guy, hanging out with friends every weekend who drank lots of beer and ate snacks while shooting the breeze at the lake. Unfortunately six months or so after the sleeve I was able to train myself how to drink beer again, and also learned that most snack foods are "slider" foods. This stalled my weight loss at about 60% of my goal.

The other thing I learned was that the restriction lessened over time. By five years out I was able to eat almost a regular plate of food. There was still restriction on solid protein (I could only eat about 4 oz of steak) but I could eventually add reasonable side dishes to it. I'd say before surgery I would eat a very large portion, while after I was able to eat a much smaller version of a normal plate of food. While most folks Thanksgiving plates were heaping masses of food, mine was a few ounces of turkey and an assortment of maybe an ounce of each item I wanted to try.

I just did a revision to gastric bypass due to hiatal hernia and GERD, but i am looking at this as a second chance to get it right. Six years out from my first surgery my lifestyle has changed enough that not drinking, or only having an occasional glass of wine or cocktail, now is fine with me.

Success with weight loss surgery truly does require lifestyle change. The sleeve or pouch is a tool. Its maximum benefits are the first year after surgery. It continues to be a tool after but without a change in lifestyle the benefits won't last forever.

"How do people cope?"

Honestly, with difficulty in the beginning. They say the surgery doesn't change the mental aspect, but it does and by force. You get home hungry, you make yourself a small plate of food and it smells great and you eat two spoonfuls and you're done and you can't eat anymore and you feel like crying with frustration. And that's in the beginning but your mind learns and adapts to your new physiology. That's where I am now. Food for me was everything and this is like a bereavement. But that's part of the progression and it's a good thing. I don't want food to be that important, I never did.