A little rant about the grocery store and overly friendly men. LOL

[Creekimp13 5,841]

"I love your smile!" This dude says this to me on my way into the grocery store today. And I'm thinking to myself....ok, that was odd.

Then, I get a couple more big smiles and winks and weirdness.

I asked my 80 year old mom who was with me today...."What the hell is going on? Do I look odd? Am I missing something? I'm getting strange looks."

And without hesitation, she goes.... "It's your boobs."

"What?"

"You have a little waist and big boobs. You usually don't wear fitted shirts."

And she's right...I'm wearing a sort of snug fitted shirt. My bestie made me try it on and she said it looked awesome on me. It's not hoochie or overly tight or anything....just not something I'd usually wear.

Ok...this coming from my 80 year old mom was wild enough....but literally minutes later...some dude runs over to help me lift one of those 40 pound pails of cat litter into my cart.

"Wait, let me help you!" Mr. Helpful says, dashing over grinning like a madman.

And I thanked him. Twice.

But I'm thinking to myself.....where the hell were you when I weighed 270 pounds and my back was killing me?

Sometimes I kind of enjoy it....but most of the time it's incredibly uncomfortable to not be as invisable anymore.

I mean, the sweet compliments and help are incredibly nice and all....but sometimes I feel gross about it. I am still a fat girl on the inside. I'm still angry and hurt that people are shallow assholes.

Any of y'all know what I mean?

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 462]

Weird. When I was 350lbs and had big boobs no one helped me with the cat litter…. Joking aside sorry you’re dealing with that. My wife gets it too and she not only hates it but it affects her to the point of not wanting to go to certain places where it tends to happen more often (Home Depot). From a guys perspective I think most of the time we don’t know how creepy or unsettling it can make you feel. I say we because I’m a guy, not because I’ve ever done it. I’ve been too shy to say anything to anyone ever in that regard my whole life, and I’m ok with that. Hell I don’t even make eye contact with strangers in public.

[learn2cook 632]

On 09/09/2021 at 15:06, Creekimp13 said:

"I love your smile!" This dude says this to me on my way into the grocery store today. And I'm thinking to myself....ok, that was odd.

Then, I get a couple more big smiles and winks and weirdness.

I asked my 80 year old mom who was with me today...."What the hell is going on? Do I look odd? Am I missing something? I'm getting strange looks."

And without hesitation, she goes.... "It's your boobs."

"What?"

"You have a little waist and big boobs. You usually don't wear fitted shirts."

And she's right...I'm wearing a sort of snug fitted shirt. My bestie made me try it on and she said it looked awesome on me. It's not hoochie or overly tight or anything....just not something I'd usually wear.

Ok...this coming from my 80 year old mom was wild enough....but literally minutes later...some dude runs over to help me lift one of those 40 pound pails of cat litter into my cart.

"Wait, let me help you!" Mr. Helpful says, dashing over grinning like a madman.

And I thanked him. Twice.

But I'm thinking to myself.....where the hell were you when I weighed 270 pounds and my back was killing me?

Sometimes I kind of enjoy it....but most of the time it's incredibly uncomfortable to not be as invisable anymore.

I mean, the sweet compliments and help are incredibly nice and all....but sometimes I feel gross about it. I am still a fat girl on the inside. I'm still angry and hurt that people are shallow assholes.

Any of y'all know what I mean?

Ha ha ha, feel your power!

Yeah, it’s disheartening because you are the same person. When I was younger and maintained a healthy weight I would try to channel my inner diva and let her deal with the unwanted attention. My best friend at the time used to stand in front of doors and blink until some man would fall over himself opening it for her. I literally pretended to be her to get through a grocery run. Don’t worry, you’ll become almost invisible again when you’re fully menopausal.

[Lynnlovesthebeach 627]

Sometimes I think you just have to be flattered and then move on knowing that some men are just that shallow.

Anyone that goes to costco probably knows they usually have an automobile of some sort in the front of the store that advertises a local dealer. One day while there I was looking at a cute little Mazda Miata. I loved driving a little sports car before I traded it in for the mom-mobile many years ago. Been in an SUV ever since! Anyway, while I was looking, a guy walks up to me and says, "you should buy this." I asked why and he said , "because you'd look really hot in this." I said to him, "I bet I'd look even hotter if you were driving me in this!" He said, "gee, thanks." And then off he went...to find his wife, I'm sure! I know he wouldn't have said that to me 130 lbs ago!

[lizonaplane 1,613]

I used to get these leering comments and stares from men... when I was 12. Before I gained all my weight. I hope that after losing weight my short hair will be enough to keep them away. Is that wishful thinking? I don't think I can handle unwanted attention from men again.

[catwoman7 11,284]

36 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

I used to get these leering comments and stares from men... when I was 12. Before I gained all my weight. I hope that after losing weight my short hair will be enough to keep them away. Is that wishful thinking? I don't think I can handle unwanted attention from men again.

I thought that now I'm in my 60s, I'd be safe from unwanted male attention. Nope. Well, mostly - but not completely. This one situation might be unique, but some 24-year-old tried to make a pass at me last spring. I about died. I'm older than his mother!! (well, and I'm married, too....). Fortunately, most of the younger ones have no interest - but my contemporaries - yea, I do get some attention. But I'm older now and can usually handle it.

[Creekimp13 5,841]

Thinking about this a little more.

I love men, and I don't mind expressions of friendliness...even when I know there's a little superficial sexual undertone...it's human nature. It's flattering for the most part. Unless a guy is being super creepy stalkery...it doesn't *bother* me and it honestly does give me a little swagger to feel attractive. (and, damn, after a couple decades of morbid obesity, it's NICE to feel attractive!)

I don't feel *violated* by human nature. Hell, I've been known to smile at a cute guy or two, myself!

My point was more....sometimes the conflicting feelings are hard. The past hurt kinda taints the enjoyment of new compliments.

I still enjoy getting noticed, but you get to a certain age or have a certain amount of life experience where it all seems like nonsense and you're left baffled by how important it used to seem.

I dunno, I might be expressing this really badly. Maybe "uncomfortable with not being invisable" was the wrong wording. I'm not overly uncomfortable....I just think it's all sort of ridiculous. And sometimes I just want to shake my head and run away cackling like a loon.

Maybe it's the menopause. I rant a lot. In circles. LOLOLOLOL

[Creekimp13 5,841]

17 hours ago, Officially Not Fatty Matty said:

Weird. When I was 350lbs and had big boobs no one helped me with the cat litter

Matty, you had coffee out my nose with this. LOLOLOL. Thank you for the best laugh.😘

[Starwarsandcupcakes 2,091]

I’m glad I don’t have this problem or if I do get stares or smiles I’m completely oblivious to it. 🤷‍♀️ Unwanted attention makes me uncomfortable because I’m never sure how to respond.

[Stella S 613]

So yes, I lost weight and comments increased 10 fold - I get it no mostly do not mind. The hang up for me is that I do not feel hot. My niece said face it line up 50 or even 1000 women your age or 5 years younger and you are either the number 1 or 2 in looks. bi do not feel it though. That is what gets me.

[ms.sss 15,835]

I sort of have the opposite problem…i think i’m waaaayyy hotter than I actually am (even when i was obese…to a much lesser degree though 😂)

Its all in the confidence ladies (and gents, and non-binaries). And the willingness to believe your inner hotness.

If others show/don’t show their appreciation of you, thats ALL on them. You cant control other people’s thoughts and actions (so long as your safety and legal rights are not in jeopardy of course!)

If you don’t like what someone is saying/doing, say something if you wish and leave it behind you. If you like it, same response, say something if you wish and leave it behind you.

I read this on this forum ages ago and it resonated with me: “Don’t allow someone to live rent free in your head”.

Golden advice, really.

[Stella S 613]

I love the rent free!!! While I do not lack confidence my perspective is warped!!! I am very comfortable being the brains…

[ShoppGirl 5,073]

I absolutely know what you mean. I have gone up and down with my weight so much and noticed the way that people treat me differently so much that now even my very fit husband gets it (because I have pointed out examples to him so many times over the years). He will even joke and say Your at your cruising weight maybe i Should take you to Home Depot with me cause I don’t know where something is. Because it never fails when I am heavy I can’t find a single sole to help me but when I am thin (also with a larger bust) I can’t fend off all the help I get. I mean to the point that it is just ridiculous. Sometimes it makes me feel good for a brief moment but then I almost feel bad For feeing good and part of me wants to scream that I am the same EXACT person that Was totally invisible just a short time ago.

[ms.sss 15,835]

-- oops replied to wrong thread --

Edited October 6, 2021 by ms.sss

[LilaNicole20 254]

yep! before this recent weight gain, in 2004, I had lost 180lbs (hw:346 Lw:160) with just diet and exercise (maintained for 15+years). At that time I was just 21 years old and not accustomed to the new found attention I had been experiencing. Intentionally, I got a job waiting tables to help me get (way) outside my comfort zone and learn to process people looking at me. Before when people looked at me it was to stare or make fun of me - or whatever. But suddenly, I had to adjust to what those looks meant. I have to admit, in hind sight, I enjoyed that experience. It helped me to grow as a woman. I remember I used to turn red in the face if I thought a man was attractive and talking to me. Waiting tables helped me to focus on my purpose for standing at a table and not be distracted by attractions - one way or another. Good luck on your journey to love yourself!

Edited October 7, 2021 by LilaNicole20