The trend and overwhelming amount of people not honest hurts others who need surgery and also keeps the stigma alive. Most people will talk there loved one out of it because of shame and ignorance. Trust me I'd like to pretend I lost weight by all the sudden eating correct and exercising but thats in itself sick. Your medical care isnt public but would you tell people you had cancer and instead of chemo you just walked and went to weight watchers?

I'm not shaming you lol sorry I am tense but I wish anyone who is neurologically ill will never use an app or be ok which is ridiculous considering the routine and millions who have been operated on.

Sorry for typos and run-on sentences lol my screen broke so i don't try to spell check or proof haha

Hope this hits softer and provokes thought

Strong first post.

Live and let live I say, though I am one of the people who chose to 'lie' because it's my business and no one elses.

Tell me why you think not being honest hurts others who need surgery?

Part of the reason that I tell everyone that I am having surgery is to lessen the stigma, but it's mostly because I'm an open book. However, not everyone has supportive people in their lives and they should not have to take the abuse that may be hurled their way just so the stigma may be lessened. It's just too hard on a journey that is already hard.

I think it's great for those of us who feel we can be open about it, but it's not always easy, and we should be aware that it's not always going to be an option for everyone for a variety of reasons. And honestly, are you really going to run up to random people on the street and tell them? Every time you meet someone who met you when you were heavier you'll have to make a decision as to what to tell them. I the people I chat with who work in the airport club that I was planning to have surgery - after one of the women said I looked like I had lost weight, and I said I was preparing for surgery, and another one started asking questions. It was a nice conversation, but it was a little unnecessary.

1 hour ago, GinormousReislin said:

The trend and overwhelming amount of people not honest hurts others who need surgery and also keeps the stigma alive. Most people will talk there loved one out of it because of shame and ignorance. Trust me I'd like to pretend I lost weight by all the sudden eating correct and exercising but thats in itself sick. Your medical care isnt public but would you tell people you had cancer and instead of chemo you just walked and went to weight watchers?

I'm not shaming you lol sorry I am tense but I wish anyone who is neurologically ill will never use an app or be ok which is ridiculous considering the routine and millions who have been operated on.

Sorry for typos and run-on sentences lol my screen broke so i don't try to spell check or proof haha

Hope this hits softer and provokes thought

1 hour ago, GinormousReislin said:

The trend and overwhelming amount of people not honest hurts others who need surgery and also keeps the stigma alive. Most people will talk there loved one out of it because of shame and ignorance. Trust me I'd like to pretend I lost weight by all the sudden eating correct and exercising but thats in itself sick. Your medical care isnt public but would you tell people you had cancer and instead of chemo you just walked and went to weight watchers?

I'm not shaming you lol sorry I am tense but I wish anyone who is neurologically ill will never use an app or be ok which is ridiculous considering the routine and millions who have been operated on.

Sorry for typos and run-on sentences lol my screen broke so i don't try to spell check or proof haha

Hope this hits softer and provokes thought

to tell or not to tell is a person's choice. I've been on both sides of the fence and for me not telling is 100% better.

People are free to share their medical information - or not. If people want to share they've had surgery - fine. If they don't - fine. I don't run around telling everyone I've had extensive plastic surgery, either. I'm having a face lift this summer - another surgery I haven't notified the world of - just my immediate family and a couple of close friends.

1 hour ago, GinormousReislin said:

Your medical care isnt public but would you tell people you had cancer and instead of chemo you just walked and went to weight watchers?

I know many people who have had cancer who don't tell people they had cancer because it's none of other people's business. And most people who have cancer certainly don't discuss the details of their treatment with people outside their treatment team and their immediate family.

Likewise, I am open here about having bipolar disorder because of the anonymity of the internet, but I don't tell people I work with unless necessary because of the stigma. Yes, it would be great to lessen the stigma but the downside is that they will treat me differently.

1 hour ago, GinormousReislin said:

The trend and overwhelming amount of people not honest hurts others who need surgery and also keeps the stigma alive. Most people will talk there loved one out of it because of shame and ignorance. Trust me I'd like to pretend I lost weight by all the sudden eating correct and exercising but thats in itself sick. Your medical care isnt public but would you tell people you had cancer and instead of chemo you just walked and went to weight watchers?

Sorry for typos and run-on sentences lol my screen broke so i don't try to spell check or proof haha

Hope this hits softer and provokes thought

I have struggled with this too trust me but I'm trying to promise myself when it right I will say it. Not saying broadcast your information or you suck lol I just feel very strongly about this. When I have a more free moment id like to discuss it more. I know it can be taken harsh or not how I would like to portray my feelings on the topic.

10 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

I know many people who have had cancer who don't tell people they had cancer because it's none of other people's business. And most people who have cancer certainly don't discuss the details of their treatment with people outside their treatment team and their immediate family.

Although I've never had cancer so I don't know for sure how I would react or who I would tell, I don't think I'd be very open about it except to family and close friends. I would not want to deal with people's reactions or the awkwardness that comes with it.

I was excited about my surgery so I told literally everyone lol.

My sister's grandmother (we have different dads) passed away due to the emergency people not knowing she'd had gastric bypass and when she was intubated they went through her stomach and she was on blood thinners, so she died. Because of this I ALWAYS wear either a medical alert necklace or medical alert bracelet when I leave the house. I don't wear one at home because everyone I live with knows about my surgery so if something happens they'd be able to tell those who need to know. I, personally, think people have the right to keep quiet about their surgery, but believe they should always have a medical alert necklace or bracelet so that if something happens then at least the medical emergency people would know. I'm paranoid like that because of what happened to my sister's grandma.

12 minutes ago, GinormousReislin said:

I have struggled with this too trust me but I'm trying to promise myself when it right I will say it. Not saying broadcast your information or you suck lol I just feel very strongly about this. When I have a more free moment id like to discuss it more. I know it can be taken harsh or not how I would like to portray my feelings on the topic.

if you feel strongly about it, then by all means be open about it. Not all of us feel that way. I'm not open about my medical issues in general, not just the stigma-laden ones like bariatric surgery or plastic surgery. It's no one's business but mine.

3 minutes ago, NovaLuna said:

I was excited about my surgery so I told literally everyone lol.

This... I'm so excited so I am telling people who don't need to know! I'm not ashamed; I feel like I'm doing something to take care of my health. But I see people here who've had very unsupportive family, friends, and partners, so I can certainly understand why people wouldn't feel the same way as I do. I'm single, I don't have kids, and my parents are really supportive - they're even coming up to stay with me for a few weeks during and after surgery (they will be staying at a hotel because my apartment is too small for three people, so it's not simple to do that). My brother was really concerned but it seemed to be about COVID and now that I'm vaccinated, I think he's probably okay (although when he had spinal surgery in college I was terrified, so maybe we're just really protective of each other).

IMHO People have to do what’s right for their situations. If that means not disclosing, their choice.

My hangup with telling people about surgery proactively is that I worry it would cause harm to others. If someone with obesity approached me and asked me "how I did it," I would be 100% honest. But I don't want me being open about it proactively to be taken as a message that I think this is what an obese person "should do." I want to be respectful of my friends who are working really hard to feel good in their large bodies.

I've told about 9 people, all friends, no family. One of the people I disclosed it to, who is thin, had a very strained reaction, and essentially told me she couldn't engage in the conversation because of her background with eating disorders, which I wasn't aware of. She was maybe the 3rd or 4th person I told, and moving forward with the next few, I was very very tentative with how I told people, and made clear that I would answer questions, but that we didn't need to discuss it further since it's a sensitive topic.

Food and weight are very complicated things for people and I want to be very careful with suddenly opening intimate conversations about them with unsuspecting friends.

As I've said here before, I shared my surgery with a small group of friends and family--and I had a couple of very negative, judgmental reactions even within that group.

When other friends or acquaintances ask how I lost so much weight, I tell them it was a medically-supervised weight loss program. The only exception is if a very obese person asks, in which case I will tell the truth in hopes of inspiring them to do the same. I don't think it's fair to give them false hope that my results were achievable without surgery.

I will note that I have also had cancer and kept that information among a small group of people as well. Many people don't know how to respond when someone is dealing with cancer, and I didn't want to deal with that. It was a very personal and private journey for me.

Well...here goes...

My husband knows....and a coworker (inadvertently) because they saw me in the hospital. I do not plan on telling anyone else currently. Perhaps in the future I will be more open about it. So the question becomes why....

A small preamble: Diet, obesity, food, exercise etc has been a really big interest of mine for years. I have spent so much time researching so many things when it comes to this topic. I feel I am reasonably well versed in this topic. The problem is...most people are not.

Many people are still knee deep in the billion dollar diet industry that will argue about Keto, CICO, Southbeach, Atkins etc etc. Many people also believe that you can control your own weight...and if you are over the amount you should weigh, it is your fault. Many people don't think about the factories that make "food". Many people don't think about so many things that so many people deal with. Lots of people think having surgery is cheating.

My obesity is still very much tangled up in emotionally abusive things from childhood. The very last thing that I want to do is have a conversation about that with people I don't know, or only know professionally. This has been a long hard road to get here, but I don't need to explain myself to anyone.

Did it occur to you that maybe people shouldn't be commenting on people's bodies? Why would it be my place to ask someone about their weight? There are going to be many people that don't agree with surgery for whatever reason....frankly, it's not my job to enlighten people on what they should do with their lives. If someone wants to know the 'secret', then they can do the research and figure out what is best for them and their health issues.

I hate to tell you this....but the surgery stigma is alive because of the rhetoric of the billion dollar diet industry is alive and well in most people. The stigma isn't alive because a few people 'lied' about having surgery.

I also really hate the explanation: If you needed surgery because you broke your leg, you wouldn't be hiding that from anyone! But really...medical ailments and treatments can be embarrassing and private or shameful. If I needed a colostomy bag, I wouldn't put out a newsletter about it. Jesus.