Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

Well...here goes...

My husband knows....and a coworker (inadvertently) because they saw me in the hospital. I do not plan on telling anyone else currently. Perhaps in the future I will be more open about it. So the question becomes why....

A small preamble: Diet, obesity, food, exercise etc has been a really big interest of mine for years. I have spent so much time researching so many things when it comes to this topic. I feel I am reasonably well versed in this topic. The problem is...most people are not.

Many people are still knee deep in the billion dollar diet industry that will argue about Keto, CICO, Southbeach, Atkins etc etc. Many people also believe that you can control your own weight...and if you are over the amount you should weigh, it is your fault. Many people don't think about the factories that make "food". Many people don't think about so many things that so many people deal with. Lots of people think having surgery is cheating.

My obesity is still very much tangled up in emotionally abusive things from childhood. The very last thing that I want to do is have a conversation about that with people I don't know, or only know professionally. This has been a long hard road to get here, but I don't need to explain myself to anyone.

Did it occur to you that maybe people shouldn't be commenting on people's bodies? Why would it be my place to ask someone about their weight? There are going to be many people that don't agree with surgery for whatever reason....frankly, it's not my job to enlighten people on what they should do with their lives. If someone wants to know the 'secret', then they can do the research and figure out what is best for them and their health issues.

I hate to tell you this....but the surgery stigma is alive because of the rhetoric of the billion dollar diet industry is alive and well in most people. The stigma isn't alive because a few people 'lied' about having surgery.

I also really hate the explanation: If you needed surgery because you broke your leg, you wouldn't be hiding that from anyone! But really...medical ailments and treatments can be embarrassing and private or shameful. If I needed a colostomy bag, I wouldn't put out a newsletter about it. Jesus.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, canadianpopcycle said:

I also really hate the explanation: If you needed surgery because you broke your leg, you wouldn't be hiding that from anyone! But really...medical ailments and treatments can be embarrassing and private or shameful. If I needed a colostomy bag, I wouldn't put out a newsletter about it. Jesus.

^^^^ this. Exactly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry but people do and don't tell others for many PERSONAL reasons. Just like someone who is gay MAY or MAY NOT choose to tell someone that info. It's THEIR choice. Just like when someone is in need of getting dentures. They MAY or MAY NOT choose to tell others. But it's THEIR choice. Just like someone with a life threatening disease MAY or MAY NOT tell others. It's THEIR choice. I personally do not see how someone withholding personal info about themselves is harmful to others. IMO it isn't. No rules saying we must tell the world about every little diet, procedure, dental work, life saving intervention, etc. that we may need or want needs to be broadcasted.

Also, I didn't need to engage other overweight people with questions to learn if or how they've had surgery themselves. I found out about it from my doctor. Like I imagine many others do too when the doc and patient have tried everything to help them lose weight and nothing has worked.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

46 minutes ago, canadianpopcycle said:

I also really hate the explanation: If you needed surgery because you broke your leg, you wouldn't be hiding that from anyone! But really...medical ailments and treatments can be embarrassing and private or shameful

Wholeheartedly agree

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I told a very small group of people beforehand cause I just needed to do it for myself but now that it is said and done I am more open. I think people like everything else in life are as private of a person as they are and they will share as much or as little as they are comfortable sharing. Some people are just very private in all parts of their life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe we leak energy when we keep secrets because that act in itself requires energy and attention. However, I did keep mine a secret from many people before the surgery bc I’m susceptible to people pleasing and I wanted to be sure of my decision only for me, regardless of what anyone else says. Timing is important. I finally told my dads side of the family this week when I felt ready to answer questions.
Ultimately, everyone needs to do things in their own time. We all protect our mental health in different ways.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, BayougirlMrsS said:

to tell or not to tell is a person's choice. I've been on both sides of the fence and for me not telling is 100% better.

I agree with you. I’m going to continue not to tell we all have a right to medical privacy. As long as we are supportive of others what we decide to do has no effect on others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, Chantrella said:

I agree with you. I’m going to continue not to tell we all have a right to medical privacy. As long as we are supportive of others what we decide to do has no effect on others.

I can tell firsthand that there is a difference in the way people treat you when they think you lost weight the "natural" way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Weight loss surgery is medical care and medical care is private. 🤷‍♀️ I encourage people to not be ashamed, but it's every person's choice how much they want to share about their medical situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

53 minutes ago, Jaelzion said:

Weight loss surgery is medical care and medical care is private. 🤷‍♀️ I encourage people to not be ashamed, but it's every person's choice how much they want to share about their medical situation.

definitely not ashamed... just chose to not have to deal with what I dealt with the first time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Turned out to be be a good thread with a terrible title. I told my family and friends, but do not offer any information to acquaintances unless I'm asked about my weight loss. I'm certainly not ashamed of it. Quite the opposite. I'm proud of addressing a life long issue. That said, I support anyone who chooses not to tell. People can be judgemental and cruel. Weight loss surgery is a difficult decision, that most of us did not take lightly. There Is no reason anyone owes an explanation regarding their weight loss to anyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've known two post-ops that lost their excess weight then became 'life coaches' who shared their experience and success at losing weight to their paying customers: Diet and exercise. No mention of WLS. Shameful.

I only shared that I was having WLS with those people that needed to know either for medical history or work contingencies. We didn't even tell our grown children.

Post-op my weight loss was rarely a topic of conversation outside the few people that knew of it. As we visited or were visited by family we let them in on the news. Anyone that could not be supportive were invited to share their insights with anyone but us. Of course, that last bit is pretty much a standing rule.

If an acquaintance asked about my weight loss I had two sets of answers:

1. If it was someone with a weight issue or other compelling story and I was feeling chatty I told the whole story;

2. Otherwise I just said I would not be discussing personal topics today, but thanks for asking.

I think lying outright is not a good feeling nor a good look, especially when the truth is inevitably revealed.

I've learned as I've gotten older to keep more and more of my own counsel. No need to lie. No need to even talk.

Good luck,

Tek

Edited by The Greater Fool

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Firstly like many mentioned - Everyone is entitled to privacy when it comes to their medical care and procedures!

Secondly, most of us have gone through the stigma being overweight and obese half or even more than that of our lives. Adding the stigma of WLS IMHO isn't a needed baggage for the remaining life. Because those haven't gone through this route and those who have never been overweight will never understand our hardship or struggles or the decision of choosing a drastic procedure like WLS!

Plus, I don't expect to know how others lead their lives, so I expect the same treatment when it comes to mine!

If by chance I hit it off with someone struggling similarly as me, and if we end up connecting, I may share my details to help out that person in need.

Otherwise I am content with only my family knowing what's going on!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The disease of obesity is potentially fatal; the decision to pursue WLS is a private one. I decided to share my weight-loss and surgical experience with my closest friends. By far I have found them supportive. However, one person told me the post-op diet was unhealthy and would ruin my metabolism. I had to just let him know that this is prescribed as part of my doctor’s program, and I am going to follow it. So there is definitely a downside to sharing the choice for surgery. I do not feel that keeping things fairly private is hurting others because each person is responsible for their own health, and theirs only. WLS is so well-known now that virtually every heavy person os aware of that option.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

wow...shaming people to reveal personal medical information is just as bad as shaming people to keep quiet. It is about freedom to choose how to live your life and how to connect with others in your life. For me, WLS was a very personal decision that I spent over a year thinking about and meditating on. So, my decision to only tell my spouse is no one's business and frankly, trying to shame those of us who choose to keep our WLS private, pisses me off. Shame on you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • AmberFL

      2 of the Biggest NSV thus far in my life; 1) my 6yr old daughter can wrap her arms around me for the first time ever! 2) My 12yr old son is having a basketball game for the parents vs. their players and I am playing with him! Its been awhile since I played basketball so I have been practicing lol but I would never had even volunteered to do this 70lbs ago! 
      This surgery has changed my life for the better!
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        That's fantastic!

    • Newtransformation79

      It has hit me today, as I sit in my chair at work that I don't have my belly sticking out to where it would hit the desk. Oh and I can cross my legs more comfortably. It amazes me just how much I have loss in inches vs actual pounds, I have lost 24 lbs all together. But I believe in inches all over about 3 inches. I am noticing more energy and have pep to my step. My skin is a lot clearer. My watch band is shorter by 3 notches. the little things are what I am noticing. When I bend over I don't feel out of breath or I am going to fall over ( weeble wobble). 
      I am having a hard time with my sweet tooth, it is very hard to not want to get some ice cream or chocolate. Candy I can do without. I have no craving really for that, just chocolate and ice cream. I have gone as far as taking Popsicle and putting them in my mixer with almond milk and making like ice cream with that/ sometimes I have added un-flavored protein powder. 
      I feel better everyday. The energy is great to have with having younger kids and being able to have the energy to keep up. 😃
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Manisha Sharma

      Buy Dohar Set Online: Top Picks for Cozy Comfort & Style 
      Check out our top selections for cozy bedding, perfect for adding a touch of style to your bedroom while ensuring warmth and comfort. Find the best Dohar sets online for ultimate comfort and style.
       
      Visit - https://amoliconcepts.com/product-category/throws-quilts-dohars/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Clueless_girl

      If anyone has any advice on how to make your stomach feel better after you eat something you shouldn't have or at too fast, I would GREATLY appreciate it!! It's painful on both sides of my abdomen (like to the point I'm doubled over and using a hot water bottle in addition to medicine) and I'm really nauseous (the thought or smell of food is 🤢).
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Mandirigma

      Just wondering if any of the Type 2 Diabetics also have there blood glucose go high when having only a Premier Protein drink for breakfast?  How does Premier Protein compare to BOOST Glucose Control in your experience?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×