Hi Gang. Meow here. 5.5 months post op bypass. I've had slow but steady losses. (SW:217 CW:178. GW: 150)

And I just felt the need to make a post about my sweet addiction. Before my surgery I found myself very concerned about dumping. Often asking in the forum whether Bypass meant I could never have treats again and being assured I could "eventually" or "a bite or two" or "in moderation" etc. This brought me great relief. I knew then I wasn't in the ideal frame of mind but I was doing the best I could.

I found at about 4 weeks post op I could tolerate about 5 of my favorite chocolate covered almonds and ate them every night as a reward for hitting my protein and water goals. Eventually I increased that to 10 choco almonds. Then it moved to other desserts or candy. What I've found is my entire eating plan is focused on getting my "healthys" in so I can have a treat at the end of the day. I become obsessed. I realize I've always been that way. Eat healthy so you can indulge.

I find I get nauseous if I eat a full portion of dessert. But I can usually get away with eating half. So I do. Every day. Or I eat the full portion and get nauseous. I get thru it. Usually lasts about 30 minutes. I feel miserable. I don't throw up. When I'm in the middle of the nausea I swear I'll never have sugar again. But then it passes and I'm the addict again.

The last couple months I've somehow justified 2 treats a day. And this Thanksgiving was the first time I really realized how deeply I don't have control over my treat addiction. I was surrounded by baked goods. I'd eat a small one. Feel sick. Then a couple hours do it again. Over the 2 days of celebration I made myself feel sick about 5 times. The nausea is miserable. Sweats, light headed, toe-curling nausea. Then it passes. And I'm fine. And like a drug addict I indulge again. It's shocking. It's like I'm binging. Except I never throw up and it's only one treat at a time.

I guess my point is... bypass didn't cure me. I do feel sick when I eat too much sugar. But it doesn't stop me from doing it. From constantly seeing how much I can have before I feel sick. I have a lot of work to do before I am no longer "unhealthy" regardless of my weight. Wanted to share in case others are sweet addicts and wondering how the surgery will affect that.

I’m 17 years out and have had issues in wanting certain things like candy and fast food but Soda I truly used to drink it all day long after surgery not once did I crave it or want it I thought I would have problems with wanting soda as well @Dadorf5 but truly mind over matter try not to think about it yes it’s hard but you can do it

Soda was hard for me to give up too.

On 12/3/2020 at 3:07 PM, Loopyjane12a said:

Thank you so much for the love and support. I have been speaking to my eating disorders therapist today and talking through why I revert to junk.

I already know why I do it..... I'm lonely. My daughter moved out to liver with her b/f this time last year and since then I live on my own. I'm disabled and don't get out much as need help so I sit indoors on my own day in and day out with no one to talk to. The day time I find things to do to keep occupied and during the summer I could get out in my garden etc and was lovely. But now its winter, dark at 4.30pm and its a very very long evening on my own. I'm feeling very down, and very lonely. I only have 2 friends, one lives 5 hours drive away and the other one has a busy life and only visits once a month. Other than that I have no one. I have my dogs so I get out with them for a mobility scooter walk twice a day and will say hello to people out and about but then I'm back home, bored and alone so I eat. Its the only bit of comfort I have.

BUT I now recognise that and I'm making a definite plan to get back on a healthy eating plan and maybe do an education course or something as I love study.

Thank you for being supportive, its really helped me. X x

I'm reading these posts as I prepare to have surgery. I'm a huge supporter of therapy so I'm glad that you are seeing someone. I wonder if adding an online group activity with others during the evening will help. Like an online book club, WLS support group, Bible study meeting if you are into that, etc. Years ago there used to be the site meetup.com that is for social groups not dating as it sounds. It's all about meeting people with similar interests and doing things. Maybe some of the groups are doing virtual things now due to COVID. Not sure if there are evening volunteer opportunities near you that are ok with your physical functioning. Just some ideas I thought about.

I realized that I eat when bored also, so I try to stay focused on something I care about during the evenings. I have a young niece in another state. So, a quick video chat with her before her bedtime is an example of a quick pick me up or distraction for me. I find that smelling some of my hand creams from Bath and Body works is a nice lift up also. I have a few of them in my stash, so I will rub a few on and enjoy their smells. Brings a nice smile to my face and boosts my mood a little. Just a quick distraction so I won't eat when I don't need to.

On 12/29/2020 at 11:19 AM, summerset said:

As long as patients are getting scolded for their... "misbehavior" and on internet boards these three answers are dominant, this won't most likely not change.

1) Try harder!

2) Follow your plan! (Many times followed by "I did follow my plan to the T during weight loss phase!!" which isn't really helpful to someone struggling.)

3) Get a therapist! (I guess there must be some place where therapists specializing in eating issues don't have months long waiting lists and don't cost fortune simply fall out of the sky, yes?)

There are several taboo subjects when it comes to WLS. Patients simply don't talk about it or only behind the metaphorical closed doors, doesn't matter if it's talking to other patients or their treatment team. Disordered eating is interestingly enough one of these subjects. Unfortunately disordered eating is all too often encouraged by fellow patients and sometimes also treatment teams as it seems.

How is Overeaters Anonymous? Just thought about that while reading these postings? Are the meetings virtual now? They are free, right? Anyone find a supportive community with OA? I'm sure that varies from meeting to meeting. Like virtual groups for eating disorders in our communities. Varies depending on the therapist.

On 12/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, summerset said:

I never quite understood this. Sometimes I think it comes with the territory.

Psychological exam needs to rule out an "eating disorder" before the patient is going to be deemed eligible for WLS. Ruling out an ED in someone who is heavy enough to need WLS... my ass.

So maybe it's simply a thing of not being allowed to admit disordered eating. Just like one isn't allowed to admit that plastics are also for looking better and feeling better when we all know it's BS.

Second thing is that the media only knows two eating disorders: anorexia and bulimia. We're just being fat and gross and weak willed.

That's one of the worst things: remaining in the old black and white mode and refusing to learn being flexible - all too often out of fear.

"I can't be trusted with food!"

"I can't eat this or that in moderation!"

"I'm a food/sugar addict!"

"Only abstinence works for me!"

Of course it is. Look at all the "HEEEEEELP!!! I've fallen off the wagon!!!" posts.

I'm glad that the program that I'm using is not like this. They understand that relationship with food matters and recommends working on that. Binge eating is discussed and not shamed. Therapy is recommended not as something punitive but to help with awareness, understanding how we got here, and creating realistic goals. There is not a fixation on numbers like how much weight or certain BMIs.

Hopefully more folks on here will post about topics discussed in this thread so there can be more discussions.

On 12/31/2020 at 9:16 PM, km13118 said:

I also want to add that my comments are not directed at or a jab at any particular person or group either. My point is that surgery is easy compared to trying to "fix" years of destructive behavior. And that starvation is no less destructive than overeating.

Totally agreed. I'm glad that the program I'm using does not focus on starvation, BMI, or weight numbers. Relationship with food is discussed early in the program and continuously during the journey. I learned that I think more about eating than I thought. I'm not craving sweets. More like just good tasting foods like dinner from a Mediterranean restaurant that I like. I live their grilled chicken and Greek salad. Portion size is my issue with them. It's so good that I eat too much. Also, eating when bored. So, I'm working on those two areas.

I also don't see people mentioning on here that it was recommended that they work on unresolved challenges with past traumas before having WLS. That's a biggie. People use food to cope, soothe, distract, etc from thoughts and feelings related to their trauma experiences, especially different types of interpersonal traumas. Working on that before WLS is recommended. Hopefully programs suggest that. If not, it's a setup for unrealistic goals and unrealistic fixes for being overweight.

Great thread. Hopefully more people will start similar ones so the topics can be discussed more in this community. My surgery is coming up soon. I'm glad that I found this site.

3 hours ago, Blueslily said:

Great thread. Hopefully more people will start similar ones so the topics can be discussed more in this community. My surgery is coming up soon. I'm glad that I found this site.

I wish you success with your surgery! It certainly sounds as if you're preparing well. ?

On 3/27/2021 at 6:57 AM, Blueslily said:

I'm reading these posts as I prepare to have surgery. I'm a huge supporter of therapy so I'm glad that you are seeing someone. I wonder if adding an online group activity with others during the evening will help. Like an online book club, WLS support group, Bible study meeting if you are into that, etc. Years ago there used to be the site meetup.com that is for social groups not dating as it sounds. It's all about meeting people with similar interests and doing things. Maybe some of the groups are doing virtual things now due to COVID. Not sure if there are evening volunteer opportunities near you that are ok with your physical functioning. Just some ideas I thought about.

I realized that I eat when bored also, so I try to stay focused on something I care about during the evenings. I have a young niece in another state. So, a quick video chat with her before her bedtime is an example of a quick pick me up or distraction for me. I find that smelling some of my hand creams from Bath and Body works is a nice lift up also. I have a few of them in my stash, so I will rub a few on and enjoy their smells. Brings a nice smile to my face and boosts my mood a little. Just a quick distraction so I won't eat when I don't need to.

Absolutely. As a matter of fact, I always sign on to Bariatric Pal in the evening when I'm most tempted to snack. Usually between 9pm-11pm. It helps to distract and busy my mind.

This topic is fascinating to read, and has aligned with my experience, 12 years after WLS. It's only the past year that I've attempted to resolve my own childhood traumas and realized the link between avoiding my feelings and eating. I've not had one binge since I have been prioritizing my mental health this year.

Even reading some comments, you see how we see some foods are "bad" and some are "healthy" - the judgement shows what we learned as children (and fat people). We are seen as inherently lazy, greedy and bad if obese. I know I used my obesity to be invisible, to numb my feelings, to get that pleasure hit. I don't think I am physically addicted to food, but certainly psychologically I am. It was unintentional, but certainly deliberate.

Some tools I use now -

1. Journaling daily, but also when I particularly feel like eating something; asking myself why? What am I feeling? Or trying to not feel? Am i bored? Am I lonely? Am I sad?

2. Mindfulness: deliberate mindfulness, to ground myself in the here and now, and what I am actually feeling in the moment. Am I looking to the future and making myself anxious? Feeling sad about the past? Just breathe back to the now.

3. Mindful moving of my body. Riding my bicycle to work, taking a walk, yoga or dancing. It gives me time to think, and know that I am doing something for myself, and it makes me feel like today, I chose to take care of me.

4. Self care in general. Taking time to do things that make me feel good about myself. Setting boundaries for things that make me feel bad. It really helps put me in a mindset that eating healthfully is doing something FOR myself, rather than doing something TO myself.

I think this is why they have us see a bariatic therapist before surgery. See if you can set an appointment up with one to help you through it?

On 3/27/2021 at 7:07 AM, Blueslily said:

How is Overeaters Anonymous? Just thought about that while reading these postings? Are the meetings virtual now? They are free, right? Anyone find a supportive community with OA? I'm sure that varies from meeting to meeting. Like virtual groups for eating disorders in our communities. Varies depending on the therapist.

They have virtual meetings. Online, anonymous, can change your name before every meeting, meetings night and day.

8 hours ago, Erin18 said:

I think this is why they have us see a bariatic therapist before surgery. See if you can set an appointment up with one to help you through it?

Exactly. The surgery is there to assist, but relationship with food is recommended to he addressed with a MH professional before having the surgery so there is not a misunderstanding that surgery will fix something that's is a bit deeper and more complex. Like addressing the impact of unresolved trauma for example. Good luck everyone. I am a year and 3 months post and doing great. Little urges to snack at night. Nighttime is an unfriendly little creature, lol. Just joking. I just kindly redirect myself at night. I'm not hungry. I'm not even bored or dealing with anything emotional. It's just like an urge to eat, lol. But, I get to choose how to respond. The process has been good overall. No regrets. But, I also mentally prepared and understood what is my role and responsibilities in this process. All the best everyone ??

Hi all. Not been around for a while as just struggling with life in general. I'm 3 years after WLS now and still have my food addictions. I lost just over 9 stone in all and my weight has been stable for about a year now despite all the "junk" I now eat on a regular basis again.

I can't seem to stop the crisps sweets cake and chocolate. If I run out I feel a desperate panic to go get more and although I don't and can't eat a lot at a time I will still have a bag of crisps and a chocolate bar every evening.

I know its boredom as well as cravings. Even if I find myself a book to read or something to do I still want my treats in the evening.

I've given into it as.my weight doesn't go up at all. I weigh every day to make sure. I think I will never get over my addiction. ?

OA does not have a therapist. It is a peer therapy group based on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was there for 3 years about 15 years ago, before any thought of bariatruc surgery. It was a nice place to meet people and they were very supportive, but the group I attended was very judgemental. Im Not sure someone going through surgery would be very welcome.