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Will I like the new me & the new life?



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Hello group ... am new to this, I am 58 and live in NZ if anyone else here does (a NZ buddy would be great as well as this fantastic group on this forum)? . After cancelling having a sleeve at the 11th hour 5 years ago I have finally decided to do it. Booked a week ago and surgery in just 4 weeks. Feeling excited and scared. have been this weight for 25 years or so, and worried about what I might feel about the new me.... maybe I wont like her and want the old me back!!!

I also worry about how it may age me, as this extra layer does cover up lines etc! I know though that losing the weight and gaining better health will be far more important than how old I may look, and what people think... another worry of mine. I have been close to this size for so long, so worried people will talk negatively about my new look and also I may not like the new me either. I am not vain - the complete opposite, but think about what others say behind my back too much. Saggy skin? Worried about this as well, but guess inevitable.

I fear the change in my habits I have developed, like drinking 2-3 glasses of wine a day, and how I will cope. Sad I know but I love a good glass of wine with my meals it will be such a big change! I think I can cope without the food, except cheese!! How did you all go on this... anyone in the same boat as me? I have bad health issues like asthma, high BP, and really need 2 knee replacements which I am trying to avoid doing this. So its going to be so good for my health I know.

I would be happy dropping 25 kgs, (55 lbs) and hope I can slow the weight loss when I get there... as just scared I wont like the new me, and have made the wrong decision .... is this normal? Would appreciate any feedback. I have wanted to be slim my whole adult life, dieted for more than half of it, and excited for the journey for a new me & better health.

Thanks all, this forum is a great go to for newbies like me.

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Hi, KJ--and welcome! I'm nearby in Australia.

I think that you already know the answer to your question based on a few of the statements in your post:

"I know that losing weight and gaining health will be far more important than how old I may look, and what people think." "I have bad health issues like asthma, high BP, and really need two knee replacements....So it's going to be so good for my health I know." "Excited for the journey for a new me and better health."

Exactly right--this is all about your health. It's about getting rid of the medical conditions that come with obesity and feeling good for the first time in decades, with lots of energy and a new zest for life. Looking slimmer is a nice side effect of the surgery, but the real reason to do it is to improve your health and add years to your life. I was 59 when I got surgery and can't believe how much younger and more energetic I FEEL. I wish I had done it years earlier.

Do I LOOK younger? No. The weight loss in my face and neck has aged me a bit, and I will admit that it was a little disconcerting at first, but I'm used to it. As for what people think of me and say about me: I'm sure it was much more unkind when I was fat than now when I look a little older. And frankly, I couldn't care less. I did this for me, and it was the best decision I have ever made.

I can only speak for myself, but I LOVE the new me! I have so much more energy, enthusiasm, confidence and hope for the future than I did a couple of years ago as an obese person with health problems and the likelihood of a heart attack within a decade. Now that I know how great it feels to be at a healthy weight, I wouldn't ever want to go back to the old me.

Don't worry about what you will eat after surgery. You will find that your tastes change and you won't crave many of the unhealthy things you enjoyed before. And you can have a glass of wine and some cheese every now and then--it's a matter of moderation. I used to love sweets and high fat foods, and I don't eat them at all any more--and I never feel deprived.

We all have fears and reservations about bariatric surgery, but you almost never hear anyone expressing regrets about having it done once they see how great they feel and how much more they can enjoy life once they get to a healthy weight.

Edited by Recidivist

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Welcome to the forums.

A lot of worries there. Take a breath.

Just reading between the lines, it seems like you're worried that you won't like the new you.

How do you feel about the current you?

Now this is gonna seem like a weird thing to say, but... It's said that WLS makes good relationships better and bad relationships worse.

You have a relationship with yourself. That voice in your head. Are you abusive about aspects of your life? Do you constantly belittle your outlook or feelings? Do you second guess every decision you make? Do you put yourself down? The voice in your head is going to go to town when you get the VSG.

In my opinion, a therapist will help you through this journey. I don't say this often or lightly. You need to learn to deal with the negative voices in your head and work through the one or two issues that may come up. Start learning to like the old you and improve the relationship before things get out of control with surgery. The beginning of addictive habits now will only get worse. Get help. Get more help.

Here's the thing. You don't have to have surgery. You know this because you cancelled 5 years ago. Look at why you cancelled: What has changed? Is it enough to have a surgery you believe you will be unhappy with?

If your current food/drink lifestyle is that important to you then perhaps surgery isn't the thing for you. If those meals with a glass of wine is something you can't give up, then don't give them up. You will resent yourself for doing it. This is another place therapy will help. Really.

People in an attempt to help you get past your issues will share with you how they had similar issues and they got past them. I had a different form of the issues you describe.

I knew there would be extra skin. There was extra skin. There is extra skin. I honestly wasn't worried how others would feel about it. I can't control that. I was focused on what I could do about it. I had a Abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) that literally killed me and I decided more surgeries would be ill advised. I live with what's left.

I have OCD and was a binge eater. I was worried I would go back to binge eating not how I could incorporate it into my new lifestyle. I wanted to change my habits, which amazingly, I did. For you, with the sleeve, you will be able to eat or drink anything you want. ANYTHING. But not as much as you want. Since you can't eat much, you need to make healthy choices.

Wow, this post went in a completely different direction than I expected.

Good luck, but don't count just on luck. Get help. If you need it it will help. If you don't need it it will help.

Tek

Edited by The Greater Fool

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I worried about this, mainly because I felt I was "betraying" the HAES/Fat Acceptance movement. I have severe osteoarthritis, and I was trapped in a cycle of anti-depressants - gaining weight because of them - telework - too much weight so too much pain to exercise - mobility lost etc. I had the best surgeon in the country telling me: "this doesn't work. You're inwardly healthy, but soon you'll be in a wheelchair".

I HAD to choose myself, if I wanted to live a normal life. It was worth the four days of yelling Japanese nurses and frustration when I was too foggy to remember my second language and the horrific loneliness due to Corona (well, I'm only three days home so still on the fence re: hospital!).

Right now I'm in bed, in minor pain (still morning so haven't had my pain killers), about to eat broth - I was frustrated and upset yesterday as I do not have the patience for being sick/recovery - but then an email from my Nana, who I inherited the osteo from popped into my email saying get well. Maybe a ~sign~? 😂 It reminded me that yes, my cheesecake is smaller in three weeks, my wine is one glass - but I will be living again. And you too. And wrinkles are just happy lines...yeah, I'm trying to believe it too XD

I'm an Aussie in Australia, so if you need an ear, I'm here. ❤️ Good luck, you'll be magnificent.

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12 hours ago, Recidivist said:

Hi, KJ--and welcome! I'm nearby in Australia.

I think that you already know the answer to your question based on a few of the statements in your post:

"I know that losing weight and gaining health will be far more important than how old I may look, and what people think." "I have bad health issues like asthma, high BP, and really need two knee replacements....So it's going to be so good for my health I know." "Excited for the journey for a new me and better health."

Exactly right--this is all about your health. It's about getting rid of the medical conditions that come with obesity and feeling good for the first time in decades, with lots of energy and a new zest for life. Looking slimmer is a nice side effect of the surgery, but the real reason to do it is to improve your health and add years to your life. I was 59 when I got surgery and can't believe how much younger and more energetic I FEEL. I wish I had done it years earlier.

Do I LOOK younger? No. The weight loss in my face and neck has aged me a bit, and I will admit that it was a little disconcerting at first, but I'm used to it. As for what people think of me and say about me: I'm sure it was much more unkind when I was fat than now when I look a little older. And frankly, I couldn't care less. I did this for me, and it was the best decision I have ever made.

I can only speak for myself, but I LOVE the new me! I have so much more energy, enthusiasm, confidence and hope for the future than I did a couple of years ago as an obese person with health problems and the likelihood of a heart attack within a decade. Now that I know how great it feels to be at a healthy weight, I wouldn't ever want to go back to the old me.

Don't worry about what you will eat after surgery. You will find that your tastes change and you won't crave many of the unhealthy things you enjoyed before. And you can have a glass of wine and some cheese every now and then--it's a matter of moderation. I used to love sweets and high fat foods, and I don't eat them at all any more--and I never feel deprived.

We all have fears and reservations about bariatric surgery, but you almost never hear anyone expressing regrets about having it done once they see how great they feel and how much more they can enjoy life once they get to a healthy weight.

Thanks so much for your honest feedback about ageing and skin. I do believe the health benefits will well outweigh it. I suppose this is just a fear beforehand and once I am on the journey it will all be so worthwhile... it’s just the unknown. Good to know you were close to me in age when you had it and I look forward to feeling heaps more energetic from it. I had a TIA a couple of years ago which really scares me and feel a bit like a ticking timebomb so time to take control. Thanks heaps again for your feedback and well done on your success!

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Thanks keudaeyeo for your feedback. I too have bad arthritis in both my knees and both need replacing. But the surgeon said might be able to avoid it with this surgery and am also covered because of it with insurance .
Well done you for taking the step and best of luck with your recovery. By the way I love Japan ... not a bad place to have to be even if not your home. I like your comments on food and wine, and agree one glass of wine but living. I drink too much of it now so will be so much better not too. Will focus on the happy lines and am sure this will lead to greater happiness. Everyone has fears I guess and those are mine.
Hope your first weeks are not too hard and keep in touch on your journey!

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8 minutes ago, KJ6262 said:

Thanks keudaeyeo for your feedback. I too have bad arthritis in both my knees and both need replacing. But the surgeon said might be able to avoid it with this surgery and am also covered because of it with insurance .
Well done you for taking the step and best of luck with your recovery. By the way I love Japan ... not a bad place to have to be even if not your home. I like your comments on food and wine, and agree one glass of wine but living. I drink too much of it now so will be so much better not too. Will focus on the happy lines and am sure this will lead to greater happiness. Everyone has fears I guess and those are mine.
Hope your first weeks are not too hard and keep in touch on your journey!

There's a really good chance you'll have mobility back, I will too! I was using a cane (I'm 37, so not old, but not young) and it was literally exhausting everyday. We are doing the right thing!

Japanese hospitals are whole other story - love the country, but they have very weak medicine (my Fentanyl post-surgery was 0.1mg to the average Western amount of 10mg 😕) so my Aussie self prepared with Panadol!

Plus naps. When did I last nap? It feels luxurious almost...XD Good luck to you too, we can do it!

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Hello The Greater Fool (Tek)
Your very honest feedback is appreciated ... this forum is so good to hear thoughts. I am not sure how to reply to a certain comment so not sure if this is the right part but anyway!
I do think I need to get help on coping with what other people think but am certain I won’t cancel this time as need to do this for my health. It is just a fear I need to deal with and maybe won’t be as bad as I think. Sounds like you have had some bad experiences I do hope you are recovering now.
I can give up easily on certain food if I set my mind to it... haven’t ever been able to slow down on wine intake but planning to with this.... am sure it will be amazing for
Me. Thanks again for your message and honesty.

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You might think about working with a counselor to help you get ready for the new you. I am/was a BBQ contest participant and won several times. I"m mourning that part of my life might go away. In the end, I have to chose what is best for my health. My surgery is 11/9 and start working with a counselor the next week to help me adapt/adjust. It'll be the first time I ever have gone to a counselor.

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Above killed it BUT WAIT there is more .....

I also BBQ and compete in many cooking compititons both BBQ and other. I also love a good drink and cheese?

So where in the Sleeve Manual does it say you cant have a piece of cheese, Yes it says Not a block of cheese! Where does it say you cant still cook? It doesn't In fact I love cooking now even more! I actually just tried out for GGG - Guys Grocery Games Tv Show. Just waiting for Covid to end so they can set a date. Oh yea i had my Vodka drink last Saturday all was good

What I am trying to say is they are giving you a tool - Not taking your life away.

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