I feel like I was blindsided by an anxiety crisis. It’s been 8 months since surgery and I feel my self control is slipping away.

December was a tough month food wise. And I’ve been laid back on the fact that my physical restriction is still real and I am not able to eat big amounts of food. But since I am now able to tolerate a wider range of things I have lowered the quality of my intakes and indulging on cravings. I know this is an addiction and I have to treat it as one.

I’ve been having dreams were I look at myself in the mirror and I see myself fat again. I’m still not on my healthy weight, about 15 pounds from healthy and 26 pounds from my target weight and if I keep up these habits I won’t be able to reach either goal.

I did some exercise yesterday Which is good, but I don’t tend to maintain that in the long run. And I need to do it before the bad habits take over again. I have to stop my self destructive instincts and believe that I can do this. Not waste this tool that I have taken.

I need to tackle at least the last 15 pounds.

perhaps you need to think about new types of food, that are different than what you have eaten all your life. Think of food as an exciting adventure in taste, texture, spice, hot, etc..,. Not just sweet and savory.

The other morning for breakfast I had a tomato sliced up in a bowl,large sea salt crystals for crunch, a can of sardines ( in water). on top with a bit of balsamic vinegar and some capers. 200 calories.

way, way outside of my typical breakfast, but very good and now I want it again. Sure it's easy to eat a bowl of cereal, but how ordinary ( and fattening).

There are so many great things to cook / prepare that are not carb loaded crap. Experience new stuff. It's not really that expensive, because now the portions are smal

Sorry to disagree with Fatboyslim, but I don't think your issue is going to resolved by trying different types of food. I would recommend that you talk to a psychologist, since you seem to recognize that this has more to do with where your head is and your relationship with food in general.

I agree with both posters. You can add healthy, more exciting food options, and get therapy. Both would be good. Does your dr have a WLS support group? Also, join a gym and get a trainer. Even though you say you don’t stick with it, it wouldn’t hurt to at least try. You may find you can replace an unhealthy addiction (food) with a healthier one(exercise).

I totally hear ya and relate to this post. I "indulged" a little for the holidays and my birthday last week and gained 2 lbs and I know I have a real addiction to cookies, just like an alcoholic has an addiction to alcohol and I must fight it every day to keep it at bay.

Penny.Lane, I just had my surgery on 1/15. I suffer from anxiety and depression often using food as a coping mechanism. Your fears are my fears. I think that all of the advice offered so far is great. Prior to surgery I started seeing a therapist and began taking Wellbutrin, both have a big help in managing my relationship with food. My therapist actually recommended food meditation which is pretty much what fatboyslim1 is suggesting. Focusing on scent, texture and flavor while also paying attention to your breathing pattern. It was quite helpful and relaxing, which helped me find satisfaction in the healthier foods I was consuming. I intend to continue using this as begin to incorporate food back into my diet. If you don’t feel that working out is something you can keep up with consistently perhaps you can find other ways to be more active. Every move you make burns more calories than sitting on the couch. Try to find things around the house to do that you may have been putting off. I love binge watching stuff online but even while I am watching TV I try to find things I can do at the same time. Folding clothes, vacuuming, dusting. Might sound weird but sometimes I just stand up and march in place for several minutes at a time. You can reach your goal just remain hopeful and keep tryin until you find something that works for you. Just don’t give up. All the best to you on your journey.

Thank you all for your comments!

@NummyNae Yes, I've been focusing on this with my therapist too. To add emotional value to healthier foods and try to lower the emotional attachment to others. For example, instead of thinking of a cake as a cake, try to refer to it as "sugars" carbohydrates" or something that is not as mouth watering as "cake". And she also helps me see that it's better to do 5 minutes of exercise than to do nothing. So I should take it slowly and start building up those habits.

I tried Wellbutrin once and found it really helpful, but it worsened my insomnia... some days I couldn't fall asleep before 8 am.

Wish you the best on your journey too!