Dating

[sgc 538]

I'm going to try Bumble. Instead of me putting in the effort and getting rejected, I'll let women come to me. I'm not expecting to get any messages but I won't be extolling a lot of effort only to get ignored. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do. Not sure why I'm swiping right or left if the woman is suppose to make the move. I guess I could read the app but that requires more effort than I'm willing to put in.

[sideeye 1,440]

9 hours ago, sgc said:

Now this sushi restaurant. You are going to walk out and starve? Not going to a different restaurant? Make a meal at home? Rifle through the dumpster?

In my scenario, I walk out of the sushi restaurant with questionable-smelling fish (dating pool) and then go to a nearby restaurant (drinks with friends) or cook at home (binge-watch Korean TV with my dog). My point is that if I don’t find a good piece of fish, then I’m not eating fish. I am not going to ingest fish that looks, smells or is priced funny. I am only interested in fish I think I’ll like, and am not risking food poisoning to try my luck with a fedora-wearing California roll.

Man, this analogy is getting tortured.

When you were going through WLS, did you talk to any counselors or therapists? It’s not an easy transition and they provide a good third party view into habits or repetitive thought cycles you may be blind to.

[sideeye 1,440]

Quote

I guess I could read the app but that requires more effort than I'm willing to put in.

I’m going to go ahead and say don’t even sign up for Bumble. You’re stuck in a cycle of reinforcing preconceived notions and now you’re talking about doing things that are pretty much ensured to validate your pessimism. It’s like if I said that I don’t like movies anymore and proved it by going to see a movie in a genre I hate. Full stop on dating - focus on yourself for a while.

Good luck.

Edited March 16, 2019 by sideeye

[GreenTealael 25,558]

18 hours ago, sgc said:

Yeah I've read those articles before. I started off two years ago thinking that way. As the rejections mounted, the less interested I became and the more I realized my undesirablity ran deeper than my weight.

Want to know the ironic thing here? I hadn't been around this forum for a while until I got an email saying I had a new private message. It was from a woman who saw a post of mine in the singles forum. I messaged her back and of course no response.

Your happiness is ultimately up to you whether or not you become paired or partnered with anyone

As for the Sushi restaurant metaphor

There are plenty of people in this world who have never had sushi or any other types of eatery. Never been to a restaurant. They still find their purposes and live rewarding lives.

Perphaps a full stop on dating is wise if you are too tired to read the app instructions. And maybe real life camaraderie would be helpful.

I did not intent for this thread to become a dystopic view of dating.

Edited March 16, 2019 by GreenTealael

[sgc 538]

8 hours ago, sideeye said:

I’m going to go ahead and say don’t even sign up for Bumble. You’re stuck in a cycle of reinforcing preconceived notions and now you’re talking about doing things that are pretty much ensured to validate your pessimism. It’s like if I said that I don’t like movies anymore and proved it by going to see a movie in a genre I hate. Full stop on dating - focus on yourself for a while.

Good luck.

I haven't dated in a couple years. That's the problem. I've already taken time off. Getting older and getting back into ot isn't working. With Bumble, the profiles are short and to the point, I don't have to try to think up of some clever opening messaging, and the most effort I need to put in is swiping. I canceled my other subscriptions. Just running out the clock on those. I already made a connection on Bumble but of course no message as of yet.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Dude. You. Need. To. See. A. Counselor.

[sgc 538]

2 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Dude. You. Need. To. See. A. Counselor.

Done. She gave me drugs that don't appear to be working.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Be your own advocate and ask to see a male doc, change your meds until you find a mix that works. I think you have some misogynistic issues to work through. You need talk therapy, behavioral interventions AND medication.

Also, exercise, sun, outdoors, pets, and comedies/laughter are all things in addition to eating a good diet that are in your direct control and are all potential as powerful as antidepressants.

Edited March 16, 2019 by FluffyChix

[sgc 538]

19 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Be your own advocate and ask to see a male doc, change your meds until you find a mix that works. I think you have some misogynistic issues to work through. You need talk therapy, behavioral interventions AND medication.

Also, exercise, sun, outdoors, pets, and comedies/laughter are all things in addition to eating a good diet that are in your direct control and are all potential as powerful as antidepressants.

I have a cat. I prefer female doctors over male doctors. At work I have no problem communicating with women. I tend not to find common interest in men. My doctors thinks I exercise too much as she says I may be too skinny now. I live in Michigan. You get the sun when you can this time of year.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Well, sorry you got it rough, dude. But as an innocent bystander looking on, until you OWN your own reality and step out from it, you are not gonna see improvement. I also get strong overtones that you enjoy victimhood and see very definite misogynistic signals. But I'm not a therapist nor do I play one on the internet.

[sgc 538]

34 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Well, sorry you got it rough, dude. But as an innocent bystander looking on, until you OWN your own reality and step out from it, you are not gonna see improvement. I also get strong overtones that you enjoy victimhood and see very definite misogynistic signals. But I'm not a therapist nor do I play one on the internet.

What are these misogynistic signals? When have I not owned my own reality? I have stated more than once my lack of responses is based on my own undesirablity and unattractiveness. (Uh oh, is this victimhood?) Lets face it. There are people more desirable than others. I spent my adult life eating and now the effects of that are playing out.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Demanding pictures of you!

[sgc 538]

I know I've posted the pics somewhere around here before. It was back in a time when there was more optimism. I went and wasted money on plastic surgery to have a body lift.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Ok, so it's official. You have issues you need to work on. They live INSIDE your head, not in reality. You likely have body dysmorphia.

You are a handsome guy! Seriously. I've never seen you before. And if I was young and single, I'd date ya at least once based solely on your looks. Now go. Run. Do. Work on your self-esteem and getting rid of that horribly unattractive chip on your shoulder!

Thanks for sharing.

[sideeye 1,440]

Okay, back to dating stories!

VacayBoo really is clearing his schedule while I’m in town. Packing for this trip is so much easier than previous trips - no more “this looks good, but only if worn with this”. When getting hiking clothes, I’ve been able to just pick up a size 12 in water-resistant pants and know it’ll fit no matter what. And it all looks cute, dammit! The lack of stress there means that I’ve had a lot more time to think of other things, like actually buying coordinating lingerie.

Can you tell I am looking forward to living in an alternate reality for a few weeks?