I’m currently pre-op and in the process of getting approved for sleeve surgery. I just took a cruise with my son who is 15, and I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

We went to the Bahamas and I feel like a total failure as a dad. My kid was zipping all over the ship up and down stairs asking me to do things and I couldn’t keep up. He practically begged me at times to do stuff and I couldn’t/wouldn’t.

My clothes fit me awful and we skipped the “Elegant” dinner night because I didn’t have anything nice to wear. We walked to do some shopping on the island and I was a lather of sweat by the time we made it to the first store. I couldn’t/wouldn’t get a souvenir t-shirt because I was unsure how it would fit and I didn’t want to buy something and wait months to wear it after my surgery. My kid didn’t want to use the pool on the boat because I didn’t being my swim shorts or a shirt and would be jointing him.

I’ll admit that I’m a bit vain like some folks are and I was crawling in my skin looking at the skinny, fit people all over the place showing skin and enjoying themselves.

My point is that I feel like I robbed my kid, yet again, of father son time. I feel like I robbed myself of a good time too. The trip was meant to connect with my kid and relax. In a way I feel like it was a waste of time and money to some extent. Don’t get me wrong we had fun but not to the level that I know we should have.

My solace is that I know that once I get approved I will have a tool that will help me be more productive in my weight loss. I know it’s not going to be easy and I will have many challenges put before me that I will need to overcome. I will finally NEED to address the mental BS that I have been struggling with since I was a little kid and figure out how to deal with it without hiding behind hurt feelings and food. I know I can and should do better for myself and my family.

I’m going to need to eat right, take vitamins and make my fat ass get up and go to the gym, get healthy, get strong and show my son that being a man is, in part, about facing a challenge head on and working through it to the end. I’m going to dress nice for myself and my wife. Do fun things with my kid and take on the hobbies that I’ve been afraid to because of my size.

I know things will change and I’m writing this more as a personal vent to myself and I’m not looking for confirmation of what has happened.

I want to live a full life. Not just exist in a short sad one.

OK sir so let me give you a little bit of help here the easiest thing I can recommend is check out my blog and posted below starting beginning and see other stuff I went through and please can you do your best it's important that you do your best early on you can do this trust me from someone who didn't start until very late at 44 you can deftly do this you can better yourself and make yourself healthier for yourself 1st doing it for your son is fine but do it for yourself it's a whole new world out there and you'll do great.

Http://cuttingthefatwithaknife@blogspot.com

Thanks for the insight Steve, I like your blog, I just read a few of the entries and I'll be back to read more.

I know I can do this and I've actually lost weight prior but I've gained a lot of it back. I also know that I have to do this for me first and not anyone else. I pay next to no attention to myself other than making sure I'm clean and dressed. I take care of my family and the house and fill my time with that as the priority.

I'm ready to really go out into the world and see what is there. I want to explore it with my family and enjoy it while being healthy and fit.

I've been up and down with my weight over the years. I didn't realize how "up" I had gotten again until we took a family trip to Florida and went to Universal Studios. We went to get on a ride and I couldn't get the shoulder bars to lock into place. So I had to get off while the rest of the family went on the ride. I wanted to die right then and there. I feel your pain. My sciatica had gotten so bad about 2 years after that where I couldn't walk for more than 5 minutes without being in horrible pain. That finally drove me to get my sleeve done.

You're taking the right approach. Too many overlook the mental aspect of having WLS. The surgery is a tool. If I really wanted to it would be easy to take up a diet that would lead me to gaining weight back. Food is just as addictive as any drug, alcohol, tobacco, etc. I equate it to overcoming being an alcoholic – you’re never really “over” it. Some days it will be a battle to stay strong. Over time it gets easier and easier and you don’t think about it as much, but there will be times when you have to fight those urges. Some days/weeks are really tough, but as time has gone by it gets a bit easier to fight those urges. I never thought I’d be able to give up smoking and I did.

It’s a long journey but having the right mindset will give you all the more success on the other side, and you’re on the right path. Best of luck to you on your journey!

I am willing to bet, your biggest cheerleader will be your son. Once you get to goal weight, you and your son can revisit the cruise and both of you can fully participate. I hate feeling like I cannot participate in life. I want to date, I want to be active, and I want to be healthy.

It took me developing Type 2 Diabetes to finally get me to the point of considering surgery. I am going to do the RNY because the outcome of diabetes reversal is the best. I miss the mountains and being able to ride my bicycle as well. I am wishing you all of the best. This will be kind of like the "do-over" moments from our childhoods. We get a chance as an adult to start our lives anew. I am single and 40 and can't "weight" for my brother's wedding in August. I have surgery on the 8th of Feb and (hopefully) come August, I'll get to rock that tuxedo.

Edited January 6, 20188 yr by Mattymatt

Sometimes we have to sink to the lowest of lows, before we can see our own personal motivation for change. Mine wasn't y mom having a heart attack, diabetes, a stroke, and ending up loosing her battle with life. Mine came, when on new years eve 3 years ago, my dad had his heart attack... I knew I had to do something.... I wish you all the best on your quest for a new and healthy you... Stay strong

12 hours ago, defibvt said:

Sometimes we have to sink to the lowest of lows, before we can see our own personal motivation for change.

Interesting that you say this. I thought that I was cleared for my psych evaluation but a call to my surgeon’s office told me that I was NOT. I called the counselor and they want me to have a few more sessions to address some depression after that I will be cleared.

Fast forward to yesterday, I went to a counselor for my initial visit and I talked for the hour and I came to realize, (not that it’s a huge surprise to me) that a lot of the issues in my life are related to my weight. Being a fat kid held me back, Let me restate that, being the fat kid I held myself back because of embarrassment and shame. Yes it didn’t help I was picked on by other kids and yes even adults including teachers. The thing is, being so young I was ill equipped with the knowledge and tools to make myself do my best regardless of adversity. By the time I was old enough it know how to better combat the negativity it was too late. Being shy, introverted and afraid to stand up for myself was the new “learned “normal. Now years later with age and wisdom (debatable LOL) I see the error of my ways and I see the damage I’ve done to my life.

Don’t get me wrong its not all doom and gloom but I could have done a hell of a lot better for myself. Ultimately I have only myself to blame. BUT, knowing what I know now I’m able to seek out the help I need to work through this and I will be able to change what I need to.

I’m purposely going to get the intellectual tools and the surgery that will help me change my life for the better. I’m going to focus on me, my family and my life. I knew this was going to be a mostly mental change but I didn’t think I would have as many epiphanies about myself as I’ve had in the last few weeks.

I’m getting ready for the challenge that’s before me. I’m NOT going to let myself down again, I’m getting too old for that ****.

Thanks for the kind words and the encouragement, I really appreciate it more that you guys could possibly know. Even though I don’t know you guys it’s nice to know that there are people out there that know what it’s like and have been through or are going through this process that can offer guidelines to help others.

There is no age where it is good or healthy to be overweight. We are all "too old" to be overweight. LOL!

Truth!

I’m currently pre-op and in the process of getting approved for sleeve surgery. I just took a cruise with my son who is 15, and I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

We went to the Bahamas and I feel like a total failure as a dad. My kid was zipping all over the ship up and down stairs asking me to do things and I couldn’t keep up. He practically begged me at times to do stuff and I couldn’t/wouldn’t.

My clothes fit me awful and we skipped the “Elegant” dinner night because I didn’t have anything nice to wear. We walked to do some shopping on the island and I was a lather of sweat by the time we made it to the first store. I couldn’t/wouldn’t get a souvenir t-shirt because I was unsure how it would fit and I didn’t want to buy something and wait months to wear it after my surgery. My kid didn’t want to use the pool on the boat because I didn’t being my swim shorts or a shirt and would be jointing him.

I’ll admit that I’m a bit vain like some folks are and I was crawling in my skin looking at the skinny, fit people all over the place showing skin and enjoying themselves.

My point is that I feel like I robbed my kid, yet again, of father son time. I feel like I robbed myself of a good time too. The trip was meant to connect with my kid and relax. In a way I feel like it was a waste of time and money to some extent. Don’t get me wrong we had fun but not to the level that I know we should have.

My solace is that I know that once I get approved I will have a tool that will help me be more productive in my weight loss. I know it’s not going to be easy and I will have many challenges put before me that I will need to overcome. I will finally NEED to address the mental BS that I have been struggling with since I was a little kid and figure out how to deal with it without hiding behind hurt feelings and food. I know I can and should do better for myself and my family.

I’m going to need to eat right, take Vitamins and make my fat ass get up and go to the gym, get healthy, get strong and show my son that being a man is, in part, about facing a challenge head on and working through it to the end. I’m going to dress nice for myself and my wife. Do fun things with my kid and take on the hobbies that I’ve been afraid to because of my size.

I know things will change and I’m writing this more as a personal vent to myself and I’m not looking for confirmation of what has happened.

I want to live a full life. Not just exist in a short sad one.

A year from now none of this will matter. You and your son will be able to make lots of new fun memories. This will be a great lesson for him on the importance of good health. Youll be an inspiration for him although i bet you are already.

On 1/3/2018 at 5:24 AM, orionburn said:

I've been up and down with my weight over the years. I didn't realize how "up" I had gotten again until we took a family trip to Florida and went to Universal Studios. We went to get on a ride and I couldn't get the shoulder bars to lock into place. So I had to get off while the rest of the family went on the ride. I wanted to die right then and there. I feel your pain. My sciatica had gotten so bad about 2 years after that where I couldn't walk for more than 5 minutes without being in horrible pain. That finally drove me to get my sleeve done.

You're taking the right approach. Too many overlook the mental aspect of having WLS. The surgery is a tool. If I really wanted to it would be easy to take up a diet that would lead me to gaining weight back. food is just as addictive as any drug, alcohol, tobacco, etc. I equate it to overcoming being an alcoholic – you’re never really “over” it. Some days it will be a battle to stay strong. Over time it gets easier and easier and you don’t think about it as much, but there will be times when you have to fight those urges. Some days/weeks are really tough, but as time has gone by it gets a bit easier to fight those urges. I never thought I’d be able to give up smoking and I did.

It’s a long journey but having the right mindset will give you all the more success on the other side, and you’re on the right path. Best of luck to you on your journey!

My situation was very familiar. Went on a trip to Cedar Point.. had to use some seatbelt test thingy outside the line. First time in my life I was too fat for theme park rides. What an embarrassing eye opener.

Plan still in the works to go back and get revenge, but absolutely sure now 150+ pounds lost that I fit no problem. Life is great again.

Edited January 22, 20188 yr by PatientEleventyBillion