Well BP FAM , I'm back again with a rant. My husband and I were talking last night and he made comments in how he wished I never had this surgery. He stated that my butt has gone almost away and he felt all unneeded to do was tone up and lose my belly initially. Well, first of all, I don't know how you tone up 242 lbs with BMI 0f 39( which was my initial weight and BMI). So.... he proceeded to run his mouth about all the things I can't do like drink gallons of sweet tea, eat cake and Cookies, go to restaurants and eat appetizer , entree and dessert.. You know all of the healthy stuff that led me to be 242 lbs in the first place. Well, I was really hurt by his comments. My rebuttal was how much healthier I am , I am a lose size 10 as opposed to a tight size 16, I am no longer out of breath with walking 20 feet and I am able to exercise. I like how my body has changed and I told him I love my size. Well, he said "you don't have to be attracted to you, I do and you only needed to lose a little belly but now your butt has gone down tremendously " well needless to say I was pushed to my breaking point. I was like if you don't like what you see, go and find you a thick chic with a donkey's ass. I'm not even at goal yet so I'm gonna lose more and just ticked that he would say that to me which made me feel a lil insecure about my looks. Then I snapped out of it. I have posted pics on my other forums but I will put my last one here as well. Not tooting my own horn but I worked hard for these results . I had surgery in Dec 2016. I am just like dang I can't win for losing .i really thought I was doing good . My pics show one week after surgery on left, middle is 1 1/2 months post op and last pic on right was about 2 weeks ago.

I think you look fantastic! Don't let him get to you, he is feeling insecure because you are changing!

[emoji175]sonkat5355[emoji175]

You look great. Kill him in his sleep. (Not really but yeah he's being a ******.)

Haha maybe not that!

[emoji12] [emoji13] [emoji14]

Ela .... should have been WLS . Auto incorrect struck again

23 hours ago, Dknal2 said:

Well, thank you for keeping it 100, I guess. There are other issues in my marriage and have been for a while. I think I have put a bandaid on a lot of wounds and when I had this surgery , the wounds weren't completely healed this all the BS he is throwing my way now. I thought he turned a new leaf because he seemed happy for a little while and then same crap different day. And you are right when my son had to take me to Texas that shud have been a huge indicator that this was gonna be a problem but I tried to hang in there for so many reasons. Surgery isn't the problem but it is.... u see crap I would usually accept I don't now because I have become stronger mentally and that is a big problem. My hubby knows I want my family to stay together but I have been unhappy for a long time and suffered s lot of bull and now I don't want to. So , yes there are other issues and I know surgery is just the face of our problems. I am praying for strength to walk away so that I can live a peaceful life and an enjoyable one as well. I'm just waiting for my moment. God knows what I need as well as want so I'm praying for him to give me the strength to leave and mean it because I have left before and came back and I do not want that this time. But thanks for keeping it 100. I was scared to read it at first but I don't hide from the truth about any situation.

I'm glad you took it in the right spirit.

It seems like he is just trying to always make you feel less than so he has the upper hand.

Our culture is against counseling, and also against most medical intervention and with good historical reasons (Tuskegee experiments, etc), so we have more kick back on surgery, and are less likely to seek counseling.

I doubt you ever get him to couples counseling, You just need to live your life for yourself, you will be happier and so will your children. An unhappy family isn't really a family and if Mama ain't happy...

2 hours ago, maggieO said:

My husband's initial response when i said I wanted to do this
"What about your ass"
My reply "What does ela have to do with you"

Haha

I think you look fantastic! He needs to step up, less of you does not mean the vows he made no longer apply. He needs to get it together...

That was funny. But thanks so much for the support.

2 hours ago, sonkat5355 said:

I think you look fantastic! Don't let him get to you, he is feeling insecure because you are changing!

sonkat5355

Thanks hun.... I appreciate it. One would think that their spouse would embrace a better physical and emotional aspect of their spouse. But I guess not everyone wants to see you fly.. well I am gonna fly that's my goal .

21 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

I'm glad you took it in the right spirit.

It seems like he is just trying to always make you feel less than so he has the upper hand.

Our culture is against counseling, and also against most medical intervention and with good historical reasons (Tuskegee experiments, etc), so we have more kick back on surgery, and are less likely to seek counseling.

I doubt you ever get him to couples counseling, You just need to live your life for yourself, you will be happier and so will your children. An unhappy family isn't really a family and if Mama ain't happy...

Thank you. I'm always open to listen to good advice ... whether it's hurtful or not because he he truth is just that , truth. So, I thank you and feel you are wise enough to shed some light when I'm in my room and gloom mode so I appreciate it.

Has anyone's sex drive increased? Mine has . Any initial issues with my ass shrinking have disappeared with increase in frequency and intensity of intimacy! [emoji173]️[emoji173]️

9 hours ago, SleevedinSI said:

Has anyone's sex drive increased? Mine has . Any initial issues with my ass shrinking have disappeared with increase in frequency and intensity of intimacy! ️️

Mine has increased and I think it's because I feel so much better about my body and confidence has increased. I still have enough thump in the rear to look good naked .... just nowhere near what I had , lol. But I'm good either way.

I am pre-op and going thru the same thing. He keeps telling me that I just need to tone up my stomach. When we started dating I was 216lbs and now I'm at 263lbs. He keeps telling me I can't do it and how I will miss eating out with him and how he want support me. Whatever!!! I have chosen to continue my journey I was told I should get a surgery date in May. I'm doing this for me, my mom passed two years ago when she was 48 years YOUNG, from complications of being over weight and I refuse to let obesity win in my life. Girl you look good and reading your story inspired me more. Don't give up and don't let negative comments from No One discourage you. Keep Going!!!

18 minutes ago, Dujuana81 said:

I am pre-op and going thru the same thing. He keeps telling me that I just need to tone up my stomach. When we started dating I was 216lbs and now I'm at 263lbs. He keeps telling me I can't do it and how I will miss eating out with him and how he want support me. Whatever!!! I have chosen to continue my journey I was told I should get a surgery date in May. I'm doing this for me, my mom passed two years ago when she was 48 years YOUNG, from complications of being over weight and I refuse to let obesity win in my life. Girl you look good and reading your story inspired me more. Don't give up and don't let negative comments from No One discourage you. Keep Going!!!

We are sisters in spirit, lol. My hubby was totally against it but I refused to let my health and happiness take a back seat any longer so I went without him to have my surgery. It really hurt to do it without him but my son was there and I really felt loved and support from him. I am way smaller than what I used to be and worked hard for this progress in 4 months so I won't let him take away my joy because my butt isn't big as a horses butt. I am gonna keep going and I encourage you to do the same. The physical change is great but the mental change is phenomenal. I'm still evolving in both manners but I am praying for strength to keep psyching forward. You will not regret surgery... it is a life changer and not everyone can stay on for the ride.

The more notifications I get with additions to this post the sadder I get. A lot of you are in relationships with straight up no question emotionally (at the very least) abusive men. I hope you are able to break free. You deserve better.

^

It's interesting to read this thread. Before I went through surgery, I read a LOT about how the dark side of this surgery and that it will end up shining a light on relationships that are not strong. Sometimes ending otherwise weaker relationships because one of the partners evolves and the other doesn't like the evolution and change.

But there's a pattern here: It appears (and maybe it's because I'm like the ONLY guy posting) that women are finding their male partners aren't very supportive of them and are actually kind of mean. Reading the comments is making me feel like men are really, really mean spirited towards their partners. I don't quite understand it, I would think if I was married or with a woman that wanted to be healthy, look great and feel great, I'd get 100% behind her and support her.

How can I not benefit from that as a man?! Seeing the pictures of women and their bodies before and after, come on... that's awesome. If you're a male, you have to love that! I just don't get it...

I also find it really interesting that I'm not seeing a lot of men sharing the same issues where their wife or partner was negative or simply mean to them. I'm starting to think now that these men chose women they could control or feed off their insecurity or body issues and now fear the "new person" will be not the person they can continue to hold back because they will have confidence, feel good and probably get more attention.

I don't have the same experience.

In fact, my own situation, my wife was very supportive and does really supportive things like helps me clothes shop (which you have to do after losing so much weight). Little things that make me feel like what I'm doing is not only good for me, it's good for her -- she says kind things to me like "wow, you look good, how do you feel?"

It's troubling that women are in these bad relationships and it took a surgery to finally have them realize this.

Edited April 5, 20179 yr by BostonGary

6 minutes ago, BostonGary said:

It's interesting to read this thread. Before I went through surgery, I read a LOT about how the dark side of this surgery and that it will end up shining a light on relationships that are not strong. Sometimes ending otherwise weaker relationships because one of the partners evolves and the other doesn't like the evolution and change.

But there's a pattern here: It appears (and maybe it's because I'm like the ONLY guy posting) that women are finding their male partners aren't very supportive of them and are actually kind of mean. Reading the comments is making me feel like men are really, really mean spirited towards their partners. I don't quite understand it, I would think if I was married or with a woman that wanted to be healthy, look great and feel great, I'd get 100% behind her and support her.

How can I not benefit from that as a man?! Seeing the pictures of women and their bodies before and after, come on... that's awesome. If you're a male, you have to love that! I just don't get it...

I also find it really interesting that I'm not seeing a lot of men sharing the same issues where their wife or partner was negative or simply mean to them. I'm starting to think now that these men chose women they could control or feed off their insecurity or body issues and now fear the "new person" will be not the person they can continue to hold back because they will have confidence, feel good and probably get more attention.

I don't have the same experience.

In fact, my own situation, my wife was very supportive and does really supportive things like helps me clothes shop (which you have to do after losing so much weight). Little things that make me feel like what I'm doing is not only good for me, it's good for her -- she says kind things to me like "wow, you look good, how do you feel?"

It's troubling that women are in these bad relationships and it took a surgery to finally have them realize this.

You are so lucky to have a great wife. That's how a marriage is supposed to be. Sad that it takes a surgery to reveal all the weak links in the union but hay better late than never. As for me, I have known for a while that my marriage was in a bad place , for many reasons, I was just hanging on to a shred of hope I guess. I'm 39 and have been with my husband since I was 17, so it's just been a hard task to actually leave. But I have had my epiphany and know what needs to be done to ensure my happiness.