Well BP FAM , I'm back again with a rant. My husband and I were talking last night and he made comments in how he wished I never had this surgery. He stated that my butt has gone almost away and he felt all unneeded to do was tone up and lose my belly initially. Well, first of all, I don't know how you tone up 242 lbs with BMI 0f 39( which was my initial weight and BMI). So.... he proceeded to run his mouth about all the things I can't do like drink gallons of sweet tea, eat cake and Cookies, go to restaurants and eat appetizer , entree and dessert.. You know all of the healthy stuff that led me to be 242 lbs in the first place. Well, I was really hurt by his comments. My rebuttal was how much healthier I am , I am a lose size 10 as opposed to a tight size 16, I am no longer out of breath with walking 20 feet and I am able to exercise. I like how my body has changed and I told him I love my size. Well, he said "you don't have to be attracted to you, I do and you only needed to lose a little belly but now your butt has gone down tremendously " well needless to say I was pushed to my breaking point. I was like if you don't like what you see, go and find you a thick chic with a donkey's ass. I'm not even at goal yet so I'm gonna lose more and just ticked that he would say that to me which made me feel a lil insecure about my looks. Then I snapped out of it. I have posted pics on my other forums but I will put my last one here as well. Not tooting my own horn but I worked hard for these results . I had surgery in Dec 2016. I am just like dang I can't win for losing .i really thought I was doing good . My pics show one week after surgery on left, middle is 1 1/2 months post op and last pic on right was about 2 weeks ago.

1 hour ago, shan0520 said:

You are a beautiful confident woman. Your husband is either slow to catch that or doesn't want to keep up. What you accept as a heavier person is not the same as we accept as a thinner person.
I will keep you in my prayers.

I agree. This transformation has been mind, body and soul for me. I just want to be happy now and live my life.

21 minutes ago, healthynurse74 said:

This week I was told by my hubby I don't need to lose anymore wt. I am not at my goal yet I am down 123lbs. He was ashamed of me being heavy not I'm getting to thin. I am currently at 204 from 327lbs I am not stopping its my body and I'm still on my journey. For our husband its a sign of insecurity, or in some cases they r heavy and have yet made the decision to love them selves like us and it makes them feel bad about themselves when we accomplished something like we have. It's all their own issues coming out. And ur husband is wrong you most def have to b attracted to yourself. It's called self love!! We must love ourselves in and out . KEEP going girl !!!

Sent from my SM-J327P using BariatricPal mobile app

It's like Darn if you do and darn if you don't . My husband is thin and has been since high school so he's not a big guy which also hinders his understanding of being overweight. I am not at goal either and have 22 lbs to go until goal. I will not let anyone stop me from attaining it. I am pushing forward and you should do the same. I am taking control of my life and so are you. I will keep you in my prayers for strength because we are gonna do this with or without them.

2 hours ago, MowryRocks said:

This was my biggest fear going into surgery. I talked to my husband about it, ad nauseam. I've worked really hard at making this change about us as much as it is about me and that has seemed to help us both feel confident. Men react oddly when they are afraid of losing something, hopefully that is what it is and it will all come out in the wash, but if it doesn't change or he's unwilling to change, then you have a decision to make.

I hate this situation for you.

Keep up the good work.

Big or small, someone else can still attempt to infiltrate your union. So, that's why hubby should be good to his wife, love and respect her so that there is no room for infiltration regardless of her size. I can't fix his insecurities and I'm not trying to anymore. I'm me love me or leave me if I'm not want you want anymore. Point blank period

1 hour ago, shan0520 said:

You are a beautiful confident woman. Your husband is either slow to catch that or doesn't want to keep up. What you accept as a heavier person is not the same as we accept as a thinner person.
I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you so much for the support.

@Dknal2

I'm just going to keep it 100, there are other issues in your marriage. Your husband is being fake with this weight thing.

There is something deeper here and every time you post about it, I know that you know there is something deeply wrong with your marriage. You guys are just doing some dance about this surgery thing, but surgery isn't even the issue.

The fact he wouldn't even take you to surgery and your son had to take you (correct me if I am wrong), should have been the sign you needed.

Things are not getting better, they are the same or worse.

Life is too short for this BS.

Edited April 3, 20179 yr by OutsideMatchInside

You look fabulous!!! I honestly believed he is threatened by your weight lose.
Keep doing this for yourself!!! Try and ignore him.

U look beautiful, so awesome the progress u made, I'm happy for you and don't even know you ,!!!

3 hours ago, teacupnosaucer said:

You are doing this for YOUR LIFE and YOUR HEALTH. If he can't see that your quality of life is more important than his visual stimulation... well, that's on him! I sure hope he straightens up his attitude, because if he doesn't I'd be finding myself a new man! I do hope it's like the people above said and that he's just insecure and lashing out, and that he'll realize how hurtful and selfish he's being and apologize... but if not, don't let him pull you down.

I would suggest counselling. Maybe a counsellor can help him talk to you more respectfully and help him realize he's being unfair, and let him express how he's feeling in a way that you can comfort and reassure him as his loving wife vs. you being pushed away... and let you speak your mind too about how much this surgery means to you and why you need his support.

I hope you two get through this... but if you don't, well, there are plenty of other men out there, including ones who will care as much about your wellbeing as they do about your looks! Either way, walk with your head held high.

My hubby will not do counseling. I have begged and cried about it and just plain pleaded with him. To no avail though. I think I'm just trying to hold on so as not to feel like I failed at this . I don't know.

18 minutes ago, carolynjackson said:

U look beautiful, so awesome the progress u made, I'm happy for you and don't even know you ,!!!

I'm blushing... thank you so much.

49 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

@Dknal2

I'm just going to keep it 100, there are other issues in your marriage. Your husband is being fake with this weight thing.

There is something deeper here and every time you post about it, I know that you know there is something deeply wrong with your marriage. You guys are just doing some dance about this surgery thing, but surgery isn't even the issue.

The fact he wouldn't even take you to surgery and your son had to take you (correct me if I am wrong), should have been the sign you needed.

Things are not getting better, they are the same or worse.

Life is too short for this BS.

Well, thank you for keeping it 100, I guess. There are other issues in my marriage and have been for a while. I think I have put a bandaid on a lot of wounds and when I had this surgery , the wounds weren't completely healed this all the BS he is throwing my way now. I thought he turned a new leaf because he seemed happy for a little while and then same crap different day. And you are right when my son had to take me to Texas that shud have been a huge indicator that this was gonna be a problem but I tried to hang in there for so many reasons. Surgery isn't the problem but it is.... u see crap I would usually accept I don't now because I have become stronger mentally and that is a big problem. My hubby knows I want my family to stay together but I have been unhappy for a long time and suffered s lot of bull and now I don't want to. So , yes there are other issues and I know surgery is just the face of our problems. I am praying for strength to walk away so that I can live a peaceful life and an enjoyable one as well. I'm just waiting for my moment. God knows what I need as well as want so I'm praying for him to give me the strength to leave and mean it because I have left before and came back and I do not want that this time. But thanks for keeping it 100. I was scared to read it at first but I don't hide from the truth about any situation.

My husband told me he doesn't want me to lose my butt also but I could careless what he wants. I was 235 pds and couldn't go up a flight of stairs without losing my breath. I'm on this journey of self improvement and discovery & he has told me I look good, not sure what he will say as I continue to shrink but he is also losing weight so I don't see any issues

36 minutes ago, carlychloe2 said:

You look fabulous!!! I honestly believed he is threatened by your weight lose.
Keep doing this for yourself!!! Try and ignore him.

I feel that way too but I think it's also a power thing. He wants me miserable and just not happy so he can reign over me mentally and I'm not having that. If I have to be alone , so be it.

2 minutes ago, Deactivatedfatgal said:

My husband told me he doesn't want me to lose my butt also but I could careless what he wants. I was 235 pds and couldn't go up a flight of stairs without losing my breath. I'm on this journey of self improvement and discovery & he has told me I look good, not sure what he will say as I continue to shrink but he is also losing weight so I don't see any issues

Well that's a plus that he is losing as well so he may be a bit more supportive because he can relate. My butt is small n petite now but still there but this surgery wasn't about me becoming sexy or nothing like that. I'm with you... I started at 242 and walking anywhere was a punishment..,, now I can walk upstairs down them or whatever, doesn't matter. I feel so much better . Stay strong n focus on what has to be done for you . Thanks for the support as well .

5 hours ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

Nothing more needs to be said than this. If he doesn't get the message, well.. his loss.

I second that motion????

21 minutes ago, Dknal2 said:

My hubby will not do counseling. I have begged and cried about it and just plain pleaded with him. To no avail though. I think I'm just trying to hold on so as not to feel like I failed at this . I don't know.

It's actually interesting because I was warned by the Weight Management program that surgery has resulted for many in soured relationships, and they did an interview of me without my wife (she was not only extremely supportive of my program and surgery being done this month but attended numerous appointments and classes with me to see what she can help with since she likes cooking for me) to ensure there was no spousal abuse or anything else going on (as a general precaution). She took it in stride but I'd be irritated as hell about that.

So it's only fair I support her in her efforts to lose weight. While she's apparently not fat enough for the WM program here, she's 5'3 206 (120 before having our daughter) with PCOS, and rest assured I'll be with her every step of the way cheering her on the same as she was for me. It's the least I can do.

I think getting back in shape may raise some people's expectations and standards, having them realize that such a relationship is cumbersome or lonely. Misery loves company.