I do NOT want to tell my dad.

[bitingcat 87]

I told very few people - husband, a sister, and a sister-friend. My niece who lives with me figured it out during the diet, but she's awesome and helped run interference for her mom (a different sister) and Grandma when I was newly post-op. I only told my teenagers about the hernia surgery part (true) because I didn't want them to worry (ASD/anxiety disorder) and explained I'm a very private person and I'd prefer they didn't discuss it with people, including the Grandmas, uncles, friends, and other family.

And it hasn't been a problem. Of course it's also been a weird year. My dad died of pancreatic cancer last spring while I was doing the pre-op diet. I could have told him, but he just would have worried. Or argued. Or made a fuss about it with the extended family. I don't regret not telling him, even though I wish he could have seen me getting healthier. In any case, it's not surprising I'd start getting my health back on track.

I'm also a pretty slow loser - no "I only lost 20 lbs this month!" for me. My husband and sister-friend also jumped on the low carb/better health bandwagon so they make great camouflage. We pretty much just tell people we're eating low carb and getting more exercise.

Basically, do you want him to know and be there for you? If no, it's an easy choice. If yes, it's a little tougher, but I think if your stepmom knows you had surgery, she'll probably figure it out. But then, she'll probably be a snot no matter what happens. I'd probably just drive her crazy talking about new research into the role of gut flora and Prebiotic Fiber (and other health topics) until she left me alone . Might even help your sister.

I do feel for you. That niece I mentioned? There's a few different reasons she lives with me and a big one is her stepmom. My niece is a 5'2 pocket Venus and the woman was buying her size 8 shoes and size 10 clothes because she just *had* to be smaller than her teenage stepdaughter. The first time I took her to an adult petite store she couldn't believe she was a size 2/4.

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

The doctor can say nothing to your father unless the HIPPA disclosure form you sign says so. You'll be in the hospital overnight. He doesn't need to see you in the hospital. No one does. You aren't going to want to see anyone. You are going to want to walk when you can to get rid of the gas and sleep. You don't want anyone around when you are walking around farting all the time. Trust me on this. I did not tell my mother or my sister, who are local. My husband and two teen daughters knew. that was it. I still haven't told my mom or my sister because I knew they would pass judgment. I am six months out.

You are a fully grown person. You have to decide how you want to live your life and what drama you do or don't want in it. If, afterwards, your father asks why you didn't say anything, tell him because you didn't want your step mother to know and ask him to man up and get her to shut her trap about your appearance.

Sorry to be brusque about it, but at 55, I don't have time unnecessary drama in my life. And most of the drama is unnecessary.

[WillWorkForShoes 19]

For me, a big part of success with this surgery is mental. I made myself and my health my own priority. This means no bringers of drama. You have enough to deal with in the week or two after surgery, and I had an extremely easy recovery comparatively. I told ONLY those who I knew would be supportive and would not undermine my positive changes. If your dad will tell someone who has made fun of you, that is not supportive. Living well is the best revenge of all. Get healthy for yourself. I would try to minimize contact with people like your stepmom. Negativity is toxic.