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Not sure what to do... maybe it's a sign



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This is long... but I really need to get it off my chest and see what you all think.

My situation is this: I have a husband with a brain condition, an 8 year old son, and a 25 year old daughter (plus 5 grandsons all under the age of 10).

I live in a rural area about an hour from the hospital where my surgery is supposed to happen on Wednesday. I have to check in at the hospital at 6:00 am that day... but my son needs to get on the school bus at 8:15 am that day.

We have just one vehicle, and my husband doesn't drive much... but he is going to come with me Wednesday and stick around until I go to the OR... at which point he will come home and get updates by phone until after our son gets off the school bus at 3:00 pm, when he will bring him along and come back to visit me (because by then I should be in a room... kids under 12 are not allowed in pre-op or recovery, so he can't come to the hospital with us).

The plan was for my adult daughter to spend the night at our house on Tuesday night and get her brother on the bus Wednesday morning before she goes to work... but she just told me she will be out of town until Wednesday morning sometime and can't do it as planned.

I can't take a chance on her not making it in time on Wednesday morning since she has no idea when she will be back in town... my husband and daughter are the only family members who know I'm having surgery, because the only other family member nearby is my mom who will freak out (and as a result stress me out) if I tell her (all I've not told other family members either because they might tell her)... she can't help me anyway... she lives an hour away in the opposite direction of the hospital I'll be at and one of my grandsons lives with her, so she has to be home herself to get him to school that day.

Most of the friends I have who would be willing to help me all live too far away to actually help me (as in they pretty much all live in different states), except 2... one has a new baby and another child my son's age, but she lives over an hour away... and the other lives nearby... BUT she hasn't been very supportive of my surgery AND she will want me to send my son to her house for the night instead of coming here for the night... (but my husband won't allow him to stay the night over there because my friend is a victim of domestic violence and he is afraid her alcoholic husband could randomly show up anytime and be violent). So if I even ask, I'm afraid it will put me in an even more stressful position, being stuck in the middle between them.

I'm on the verge of saying screw it and cancelling my surgery... I've got no way to make this work that I can see (other than getting a friend to drive me to the hospital and not having any pre-surgery moral support and that's IF my husband would agree to not being there with me and putting our son on the bus himself)... I'm nervous about the surgery anyway... and while I hate to have spent 2 weeks putting out the money and frustration on this pre-op diet, I did lose 10 pounds on it so maybe this is a sign that I just shouldn't do it and can try (again) to lose weight on my own without surgery. I'm so confused and stressed out!!

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Please don't cancel your surgery. If nothing else, keep your son out of school for one day. I would hate for any child to miss a day of instruction, but this is a special situation, and I'm sure he can make the work up. (In fact, just speak to the teacher tomorrow, get his assignments, and he can work on them in a part of the hospital where he is allowed to be.)

Good luck!

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Don't postpone your surgery. Bring your husband and son with you. Even if your husband and son have to stay in the waiting room at least they will be there. Your daughter could come later that day to take your son home.

Sent from my SM-N910V using the BariatricPal App

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Don't cancel! Take care of you. Do whatever is necessary to put yourself first. Find a way, and make it happen.

If your husband is capable of driving than your son can miss 1 day of school (or 1/2 day). If your girlfriend will let him spend the night, send him over. When was the last time her ex came back and beat up everybody in the house? What is the likelihood of it actually happening on that one night, realistically?

Focus on you, and make it happen.

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I understand trying to plan craziness. I have 4 kids 7 and under and my husband doesn't drive because of medication he is on. I would totally take my son out of school for the day. Depending on other people is hard.

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Even if I keep him home for a day... There's no way my husband (with a brain condition) can handle an 8 year old (with ADHD) cooped up in a waiting room for several hours, especially when both he and the child had to get up at 4 am... the best I could do is get them to drop me off at the hospital and tgen come back and send our son to school on a lot less sleep than usual, or get my one nearby friend to take me to the hospital and drop me off then come back to make sure my son gets on the bus... and no matter what, I (with bipolar disorder and anxiety) would then be facing 3 or more hours of pre-op all alone with no support. (Ugh)

Well, I guess it's time to get my husband up and talk to him about all this so I can make some kind of decision. (That's the other drawback... thanks to his condition, my husband's normal sleep schedule is to go to bed between 3 and 5 am and get up between 3 and 6 pm)... ugh... this just couldn't be east and go off without a hitch, huh?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using the BariatricPal App

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He has no friends whose parents I know well enough to ask... plus to be honest... he is such a homebody he doesn't even like to spend the night away from home... like in 8 years he has slept at his grandma's house once and twice at that friends house I mentioned (where my husband won't let him go overnight anymore)... he hates sleeping away from home :-(

I talked it over with my husband... he wants to let Michael stay home from school (I do not want him to have any unexcused absences) and he wants to talk the hospital into letting our son into pre-op (which I will not allow) or to stay in the waiting room with him (which I'm sorry... that's a waste of time and it's too much to ask of an 8 year old to sit in a waiting room where he has to be quiet for 6 to 8 hours, so I also won't allow that).

I guess I will try to get someone to drive me there and drop me off... if that fails I will ask around for someone to give my husband a ride to the hospital Wednesday after my son gets home from school, and if I find someone willing to do that, I will drive myself.

If I cannot find either of those things, I will cancel. Time to go make a couple of phone calls I guess.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using the BariatricPal App

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So sorry that this is happening and taking the focus off the surgery. This is your moment. This is the time you get to not worry about your family for a few days and take care of yourself. You need to make this work!!

If I had a friend that was desperate for help, I would drive cross country for them if needed. Try asking your friends, they may surprise you.

So many well wishes being sent your way.

PS I was counting on going through this together. Hope this happens for us both on the 25th.

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Well... I guess I'm going to drive myself.

The friend I mentioned whose house my husband doesn't want my son to stay overnight at is going to drive my husband and son to the hospital Wednesday afternoon to visit me and pick up our vehicle.

I'm now super nervous wondering if all my weight loss (down 12 pounds in 10 days) is a sign that I can lose weight without surgery... wondering if stiff keeps going wrong because I'm not supposed to have the surgery...

I'm totally psyching myself out, and I know it... but it's SO hard not to be nervous and anxious. It is hitting me hard that the day after tomorrow at this time I'll be getting wheeled into an OR and having 80% of my stomach taken out. Frankly, I'm TERRIFIED.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using the BariatricPal App

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Hi,

I too am afraid of the surgery, but with all the people depending on you, won't you be better to do it in good health and be sure you are still there to help them. I'm sure they want you around a long time and in good health. I also have a family that needs a lot of my help. I try to think of it as, if I'm not here, what will they do then. Even though you can and should be selfish for yourself, I don't believe it really is. Think how much more you can be to you and them when you get through this. It sounds like you are a very caring and helpful person for everyone. Time to care for you. Ther

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Surgery of any kind is scary -- that is the bottom line. I was completely petrified leading up to my sleeve on September 28, but I'll tell you, it was MUCH easier than I thought it would be. Yes, I was uncomfortable for a few days, but even that wasn't that bad. By the third day post-op, I was feeling much better and I continued to improve as the days and weeks went on.

About the weight loss -- I lost 99 pounds during my six-month pre-op diet program (from 397 during my first doctor visit in March to 298 on the day of surgery in September). I was/am very proud of that fact. I, too, briefly thought about not having the surgery, but ultimately, I still needed to lose another 100+ pounds. So, I proceeded with my plans to have the surgery and it was the best decision. Had I not had it, I probably would have lost some more weight, but not enough, and then, as has been the case in the all of the other weight loss endeavors in my adult life, I would have gained it back and more.

I know you have a lot of things to worry about right now, but honestly, they are just things. Please don't use them as an excuse to not follow through on something that can radically change and improve your life.

Best wishes!

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