I am preparing to have sleeve surgery in January. I have spent the last 7 years working on intuitive eating and mindful eating and not dieting, because dieting made me mentally and physically unhealthy. I have an eating disorder history that goes back decades.

After discussing the possibility of weight loss surgery with my therapist, she agreed with my position that IF I were to move forward and do it, I should NOT know my weight loss, nor set a weight loss goal. I am not going into this expecting to be "thin" by any definition society might recognize.

At the consult, my surgeon said he understood my reasons and has no problems whatsoever with this. But I feel like this puts me in such a weird, uncharted place because everyone I know has very clearly defined weight loss goals and wants to know and tracks their weight loss. Which is cool... if that's what works for you and what you need, that's 100% understandable.

For me, it would be a trigger fest nightmare. I've worked long and hard to be in a good place with my eating disorder. Ironically, I think I am far more mentally prepared to handle WLS than I would've been back when I still dieted.

I'm not doing this to become X size or look X way. I'm doing it because being my size in a fat phobic world sucks. It means I don't have access to certain medical treatments or care. It means I am constantly judged by so called medical professionals for my weight, and that instead of being treated for what is wrong with me, I often am prescribed weight loss, even though doctors know full well it fails for most people.

I have fibromyalgia. I don't expect that all of my pain will go away, but I am hoping if I lose some weight, even 100 pounds (which my surgeon expects, within a seven - twelve month period), I can become more mobile again. If I can become more mobile again, I can do things that will potentially help the fibromyalgia.

I've done enough research to know these surgeries are not without risks, sometimes big ones. It terrifies me. I don't have a good history with surgeries. I've had complications with both my gallbladder surgery (it caused a hernia) and then the surgery to fix that hernia (it caused permanent edema after I got cellulitis following surgery).

I am not going into this with rose colored glasses. I'm probably more realistic than most, frankly. I don't think it's a "cure all" for any or every health issue. I think it could be a very useful tool. But only if I am allowed to do it in a way that doesn't trigger my ED. Because then it could turn into something very negative and unhealthy for me.

And that is why I refuse to set any goal weight or even know how much weight I've lost. It's not about that for me. I don't know if that is going to make sense to anyone here... or really to anyone in the WLS community anywhere.

And having surgery won't make sense to my friends in the body acceptance/fat acceptance communities, either. Even though I'm not aiming for any set weight, even though I'm not going into it expecting to ever be thin (and frankly, "thin" doesn't appeal to me anyway... IF I did pick a goal weight, it wouldn't be one anyone would consider "thin").

So I guess I'm feeling a bit like a lone wolf. And hoping maybe someone else here has done things in a similar way.

I sorta approached it that way, too.

I'd done the short term diets and scale monitoring over and over again prior with mixed results and zero long term progress.

I decided to have wls surgery and joined here.

I was willing to follow the often given advice to "embrace the stalls" and to "not worry about the scale".

Well....that didn't work for me.

The pre-op diet was where I kicked the who "embrace" attitude to the curb.

I knew there would be monthly weigh-ins with my NUT and I couldn't stand the internal drama from anticipation as to what those monthly results would be. I bought a superbadass scale and kept check on it myself. No drama...just a steady move in the desired direction. I was then able to walk into those weigh-ins with a smile on my face...secure in the knowledge of what the results would be as I stepped up on her scale.

This weighing was very effective in validating results in food choices post op. There is a good bit of experimentation with our simple post-op diets. The scale helps to show the results of this.

I believe, at least at this point, that the scale will be a very effective tool for me once I reach the fighting weight that I want to live at. I will be able to see upward trends and take corrective actions. Simply gauging based on how my clothes fit isn't a good method for me. The scale will identify where I am and help me stay in the narrow weight range that I intend to live.

Everyone has different ideas and theories on the scale. I began this process with similar thinking that you describe. I quickly changed my thinking though. The scale is a vital tool.

I hope you have successful results and are able to find your stride and get dialed in on what works for you.

I think your approach makes total sense. You certainly are ahead of the curve by having tackled this through counseling. I didn't have a "goal" weight but did get a little more obsessed with it as I got closer to being done with weight-loss (and honestly a fear of losing too much). You will lose pretty rapidly, so it is tough to stay off the scale but I have read of plenty of people who don't own a scale and only weigh when they are required to do so at a drs office. I would say one thing that might be difficult (or that you will need to prepare for with your counselor) is the questions from people who will most certainly ask about how much weight you have lost and how you are doing it. Just be prepared for how to handle that so that it doesn't trigger desire to jump on a scale and find out.

Hope that helps!

Sent from my HTC One M9 using the BariatricPal App

Sorry ... I weigh every morning.

Best wishes to you!

@@Elen It sounds like you are in a great place mentally to be successful with WLS. You know what will work for you and what may cause self sabotage. Good luck on your journey!

There are a lot of people who only weigh at the doctors appointments.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I think that you need to do what works for you and if that approach is what works, then who care what everyone else does?

I have obsessed about my weight since kindergarten. I have weighed myself most days of my life, although the times I was thin are the times I weighed everyday and the times I was not thin are the times I did not weigh. I can understand the way a scale feels like a monkey on your back, although I have learned the monkey is what keeps me a good size. I can appreciate that there are times where you get to a point that you are so obsessed with weight that tracking it makes you feel like you are feeding the fire, but in my situation, that fire is what I need. Do I always feel good about myself? Nope, but my personal experience is that I can be thin, or I can be fat, and the only way I get to be thin is if I am held accountable daily to the scale. Ignoring the thing that makes me unhappy only made me more unhappy, even if I can understand the idea behind why a therapist would suggest that idea. Ignoring the scale because weighing yourself makes you unhappy, anxious, and triggers undesired thoughts only results in the underlying issue (being overweight) not being resolved. Sometimes you have to face what makes you miserable if you really want to move forward.

I weigh myself every single morning on three scales, which any therapist will tell you is obsessive. I write my weight down from all three scales. When I see all three of them get to the top of the three-pound fluctuation I allow myself, that day I cut back on what I eat, and within a day or two I drop right back down to within 2-3 pounds of goal. I have three scales because one I've had forever, and I'm attached to it, one I got before surgery and it has bright numbers, and one is an Aria so it syncs with MyFitnessPal, but also because there are times where one jumps up 2 pounds for no reason and the others stay the same. I don't freak out about that the way I would if I only had one scale telling me my weight because I can quantitatively look at all three measurements, look in my notebook where I have each weight written down and see that the offending scale had a bad day. As someone who might be a bit like you in how much the scale has dictated my life, I can understand that you don't want to weigh yourself. For me, and not saying anything about what will and will not work for you, the only way for me to be a healthy weight is to face that particular demon every morning...ignoring it just made me fat and I would rather suffer with a little scale-anxiety than be back to my old 200+ pounds. Ignoring what stresses me out, makes me sad, and causes unwelcome thoughts accomplishes nothing for me. It's only when I face it and fight it that I resolve things in a way that really allows me to actually be happy, as opposed to in a state where ignorance may seem like bliss, but ultimately I'm just fooling myself into feeling that way.

Again...who cares if no one else wants to take your approach. It's your sleeve, you need to do what is right for you.

I weigh myself 2 to 985,789,475 times a day, naked, clothed, morning, night, before a poo, after a poo, just because. I don't measure my success by that number, though.

I measure my success by how my clothes fit, how easily I can climb a flight of stairs, how physical activity doesn't make me sweat excessively, how easy it is to buy clothes, how I fit in seats, how I feel about ME.

I applaud your approach. As long as YOU are happy with your achievements, nothing else really matters.

I weigh on the 1st and 16th of the month and this all allow myself. If I did not put those restrictions on myself, I could drive myself crazy.

When the doctor asked for a goal weight I gave a 40 pound weight range and if people ask I say I don't have a definite final goal. My goal is basically where if I choose healthy food and reasonable portion size and exercise at least 180 minutes per week and maybe an occasion treat like (once a month) whatever weight that is will be the weight I will be. I will not commit to exercising 2 plus hours a day and drinking Protein shakes for 2 meals every day in order to weigh less. It is not that I am not committed to weight loss but I am more committed to my sanity.

I couldn't do this journey if I weighed everyday or anyday. I don't weigh myself and if I go to the Dr's I turn around and ask them not to tell me what my weight is. If I don't want to turn around on the scale I just look up so I don't see it and again ask them not to tell me.

I lose SUPER SLOW and I am not 100% perfect on the eating scale either. But I have lost and I know without a scale when I am gaining and when I am losing. All based on what food choices I am making and bottom line that's no secret.

Like today, I feel pretty lousy and it's all because I've been eating junk food for the last 3 days. I know it's emotional crap too because my youngest is moving out and soon I will be that empty nester and I can tell you it is affecting my emotions. That's something that's real and I got to deal with the emotional swings. Exercise helps.

However, if I weighed on a scale it wouldn't help but just drive me into a pretty bad depressed state because I see the negative results of my emotional swing lately.

I know what I have to do today. Just jump on the band wagon and get back to low carbs and high Protein and get myself mentally more stable with exercise and drinking more fluids.

Not sure I answered your question but bottom line at the age of 54 I know that the scale and me will never be good friends so why have it in my life? It's never served me well!