This should probably be posted in the relationship section, so I apologize in advanced if you find it rude that I posted it here, but I just needed to vent.

When my significant other and I met, I was thin. Over the course of our three year relationship I gained almost 100lbs. Needless to say, he was not pleased. He reminded me constantly about how I was "not what he signed up for" and how bad I looked, and how I was embarrassing him by being overweight. I thought surgery would help, but really all surgery did was help me realize that he was emotionally abusing me all along.

I did not realize it then, but he was pushing me further and further into gaining weight. By him reinforcing what I already thought about myself having low self esteem to begin with, I began to isolate myself with food even more. Between daily reminders of how big I was getting, him cheating on me multiple times, and the name calling, I was broken and felt worthless. I hoped surgery and losing weight would make him "love me" again, the way he did for the first month of our relationship before I started putting weight on. Now that I am almost the weight I was when we first met, I realized I was wrong, thanks to one encounter.

I was waiting for my boyfriend at the stairs of my job. A woman came up to me just as he walked over to me. She told me how amazing I look and reinforced that statement several times. She congratulated me on my weight loss, and even used the words "wow! you look incredible". Hearing the conversation, I thought my boyfriend would be happy for me. Instead, when the woman walked away, the only comment he made was "You look terrible. How many days is this in a row now of you not wearing makeup to work? Five? Why can't you ever look classy".

Obviously I was upset. I know what I need to do is leave this relationship. For as much as I love him, I can see now that the weight was never the issue between us. His cheating, lying, and name calling was all because he seeks someone to emotionally abuse. Even when I reach my goal weight, it will never stop. There will always be something else. Just another reason to be thankful for my sleeve.

Take care of yourself. And once you get rid of him, get yourself to a good place (I recommend therapy) before you start dating again. I was married to two men - each relationship was a total of about 10 years - who were emotionally abusive, though they were a lot more subtle about it than your guy. It is *so* hard breaking out of that kind of environment. My daughter really paid the price for the 2nd one as his daughter was horrible to her and he backed his daughter up all the time - I'm *still* finding out things that happened and we're a good 5-6 years after the fact.

Anyway, I took some time and got right with myself and okay with not being in a relationship before I started back in the dating game again. Met some doozies, and a few that might have been something. Then I met my current hubby, and he's a complete 180 from before. He is completely supportive and loving and I never knew relationships could be this good. His only concern about my weight is my health - he's ready and willing to change his own diet and lifestyle to support me with my changes. There *are* good ones out there, but *we* have to be in a place to love ourselves and not accept poor treatment before we're ready for them.

Hugs, hang in there!

Are you living together or have kids together? I hope you can get yourself out of that situation soon!

Stay strong! You deserve respect and love.

Sent from my LGLS740 using the BariatricPal App

Congratulations on knowing that you deserve more. The next step is the hardest, walk away from him. Take time to heal and enjoy your new life. Love yourself and expect respect from others in your life just because you are you!

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I know this all too well. I lived with a man who would belittle me because of my weight and say very cruel and nasty things to me (and expect me not to say anything about it). Things got so bad that I had to leave his house 7 months ago and I feel much better about myself.

He frowned upon weight loss surgery and would say, "You don't need to go to a nutritionist, you know how to eat right, just stop eating." Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since, and it really upset me when I read this thread. I'm so sorry to hear of this, I hope things get better for you.

I've been in several emotionally abusive relationships and now I'm just getting back into the dating game after 2 years. My current boyfriend doesn't belittle me for what I look like and actually supports me getting sleeved (I haven't been sleeved yet but this is an issue that will come up after I get my sleeve 2 months from now).

Edited July 15, 201610 yr by Kimba Marie Angelina Wiggins

Hunnie, it's NOT you with the problem....it's him!! Truth be known, his self-esteem is a lot lower than your's! He has to tear you down to try and build himself up! He thinks the lower he makes you feel, the better he will feel about himself! Sounds to me like you are way too good for him and deserve so much better! Kick him to the curb and find someone who will appreciate the beautiful person you are! I can assure you, in the end, it will be him that's sorry he lost you! Stay on your plan and watch who will be sorry in the end! I don't even know you but I can certainly see that you are a much more of a beautiful woman than he will ever be of a man!