Why does everyone that I share my WLS plans with feel the need to tell me about their friend/family member/co-worker/random person's horrible experience with the surgery? I can't imagine what they must be thinking to feel the need to mention that. As if it isn't nerve wracking already!

Either that, or they decide to share a diet idea that worked for them. I haven't told many people, which makes it all the more frustrating, as these are people who I am close to. Does anyone else encounter this, and, if so, any suggestions on how you handle this situation?

Edited May 31, 201610 yr by anniebanana

I hear of all the ones who gain the weight back as well. Um I'm not them. It's amazing how many people do not have a filter.

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Why does everyone that I share my WLS plans with feel the need to tell me about their friend/family member/co-worker/random person's horrible experience with the surgery? I can't imagine what they must be thinking to feel the need to mention that. As if it isn't nerve wracking already!

Either that, or they decide to share a diet idea that worked for them. I haven't told many people, which makes it all the more frustrating, as these are people who I am close to. Does anyone else encounter this, and, if so, any suggestions on how you handle this situation?

I experience the same thing and it gets on my last nerves, lol. That's why I haven't told many ppl at all because everybody have a horror story to tell. If not I'm being told I'm not "big enough" or I'm "lazy and taking the easy way out". It's my life and my journey and I'm going to do what's best for me.

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When I tell a skinny person I'm getting it they go into weird let-me-pretend-she-didnt-acknowledge-shes-fat vibes. ????

It's kind of like the labor and delivery horror stories that mothers tell pregnant women. I don't know why they feel compelled to do it, but they do. Best of luck!

I have yet had someone tell me horror stories, but I've had plenty of those "you're not fat/big enough"... or the whole "i know someone who did it and gained all the weight and more" comments...thank you! That's what i want to hear, smh. As cindy mentioned, some people have no filter and don't think before they speak

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It's so unfortunate this procedure still gets such a negative response from people. It's the only proven long term success option. And it no "easy way out".

I think it takes great courage and great commitment. I applaud your choice and wish you great success!!!

Remember you can always choose not to share your medical information. It's nobodies business after all. Sometimes making lifestyle changes is hard enough without the negative talk of others.

Stay positive and know everyone hear understands and is pulling for you.

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You want to do it "the easy way"?

Do what I did: I didn't tell anyone but my hubby about my WLS -- not my family, workmates, friends, acquaintances, or random strangers.

Consequently, nobody has ever discouraged me or irritated me or infuriated me by sharing their ignorance about WLS with me.

And I haven't been charged with physical assault.

VSGAnn2014 you are such an inspiration to me and I'm so glad you are here. My date gets closer and I'm more nervous, I guess because this is my first surgery that I have chosen, that I have elected to have, more used to having the doctor say I should do it and then it's their decision in my best interests. I do feel this one is too but I feel sort of like I'm out on my own, EXCEPT for this community. Were it not for Bariatric Pal I wouldn't be doing this that's for sure.

I decided to come back here and start posting again because this is all I hear. I'm really nervous to tell anyone that I'm going to try to have VSG because of my previous experience - I had a lap band and had to have it removed due to intolerance... it's been 2 years band free, and I still hear "we told you that wouldn't work" from friends and family members. I also hear the "you're just fine the way you are" and of course the horror stories. If I wasn't at a point where I was able to lose the weight and keep it off on my own, I wouldn't be looking at this! The very small chance of risk outweighs the horrors of possible bypasses, liver failure, etc that I face if I keep gaining!

I decided to come back here and start posting again because this is all I hear. I'm really nervous to tell anyone that I'm going to try to have VSG because of my previous experience - I had a lap band and had to have it removed due to intolerance... it's been 2 years band free, and I still hear "we told you that wouldn't work" from friends and family members. I also hear the "you're just fine the way you are" and of course the horror stories. If I wasn't at a point where I was able to lose the weight and keep it off on my own, I wouldn't be looking at this! The very small chance of risk outweighs the horrors of possible bypasses, liver failure, etc that I face if I keep gaining!

Just don't tell anyone. Your medical business is private and you owe nobody an explanation. Especially if you're getting the sleeve. Other than my Dr, there are 3 people that know I had surgery. With the sleeve you lose slower, I averaged 2 lbs a week. So I made sure I was working out, everyone saw me at the gym everyday, they saw me passing on alcohol and snacks. I started following the post op diet months before my procedure so I told everyone I was trying to make a change and eat healthier and asked for their support in that. I even said I'm gonna avoid eating out for a few months to see if it helps. Then I just had to "be busy" for a few weeks while I recovered. If ever questioned I honestly answer this was a long gradual road nothing happened overnight. I earned every pound. All true. This is your journey do it on your terms. And if that means keeping your HIPPA protected medical information private, that's your prerogative too.

Best wishes whatever you decide is best for you.

I'm a nurse and some of my coworkers are just SO negative because of the few people they worked with that had bad outcomes, and one is like obsessed with reminding me how /terrible/ she thinks her friend who had it looks because she's "lost too much weight and it made her look old" like lady my appearance is not my only concern WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??!? Sigh.

On 5/30/2016 at 9:22 PM, anniebanana said:

Why does everyone that I share my WLS plans with feel the need to tell me about their friend/family member/co-worker/random person's horrible experience with the surgery? I can't imagine what they must be thinking to feel the need to mention that. As if it isn't nerve wracking already!

Either that, or they decide to share a diet idea that worked for them. I haven't told many people, which makes it all the more frustrating, as these are people who I am close to. Does anyone else encounter this, and, if so, any suggestions on how you handle this situation?

My plan - tell nobody. Nobody except my husband. In fact, I don't think I'll tell my kids. I would tell the older ones, but they have a girlfriend and boyfriend and I do not want them to know. So - I'll have a dinner and have all over, then say I'm going to get a minor surgery and will be home in a couple of days. If it's the hospital in the far south of the city, maybe that'll be better as so far for them to go. I'm going to get advice from my GP as to what to tell them I had done. Maybe some 'woman ' problem or something :-)

I'm not telling people either. The only people who know are my husband, kids, and closest friend. My co-workers know I'm having surgery, but not what type. I just really don't want any one else's opinions. My plan is to lose slowly and if people ask just tell them I'm eating high protein and low carb with smaller portions. All of that is true!

21 hours ago, lornasaurusleeve said:

I'm a nurse and some of my coworkers are just SO negative because of the few people they worked with that had bad outcomes, and one is like obsessed with reminding me how /terrible/ she thinks her friend who had it looks because she's "lost too much weight and it made her look old" like lady my appearance is not my only concern WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??!? Sigh.

Exactly why I'm not telling anyone. Double edge sword for you - on the one hand at least you work with people with a medical background so they understand (well, many I'm sure) why somebody would look at bariatric surgery in the first place. On the other hand they see outcomes, good and bad, and focus on the bad outcomes (as most people would do). There's nobody I know that would think anything but what most typically think - 'it's the easy way out, why don't you just eat less and exercise more'. Even if I were to tell people how much I've struggled with my weight most of my life, they wouldn't get it - how many things I haven't done because of my weight, how many things I regret because of it, how many missed photos there've been (my older kids' high school grads, university grads, any kind of special occasion). My mom passed away recently - I hadn't flown home to see her in 2 years because seeing everyone - family and friends - was just too embarrassing for me. In the end, I had to go back for her funeral and of course saw family anyway. We miss way too much when we feel bad about ourselves. But people who don't suffer from being overweight or obese don't and can't see this. (What sort of bad outcomes are your co-workers referring to btw?)

Exactly why I'm not telling anyone. Double edge sword for you - on the one hand at least you work with people with a medical background so they understand (well, many I'm sure) why somebody would look at bariatric surgery in the first place. On the other hand they see outcomes, good and bad, and focus on the bad outcomes (as most people would do). There's nobody I know that would think anything but what most typically think - 'it's the easy way out, why don't you just eat less and exercise more'. Even if I were to tell people how much I've struggled with my weight most of my life, they wouldn't get it - how many things I haven't done because of my weight, how many things I regret because of it, how many missed photos there've been (my older kids' high school grads, university grads, any kind of special occasion). My mom passed away recently - I hadn't flown home to see her in 2 years because seeing everyone - family and friends - was just too embarrassing for me. In the end, I had to go back for her funeral and of course saw family anyway. We miss way too much when we feel bad about ourselves. But people who don't suffer from being overweight or obese don't and can't see this. (What sort of bad outcomes are your co-workers referring to btw?)

So sorry about your mom! My dad had a heart attack and died in 2012 and I know I'll be headed down the same path if I don't do this, which is what ultimately led me to choosing the sleeve. Re: bad outcome, in particular, we have another coworker who had either the sleeve or RNY, I'm not sure which, but she tends to go long enough without eating that her blood sugar gets dangerously low and she's had seizures at work because of it. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but based on her personality it seems more to me like a self care issue that's compounded by the surgery. Though admittedly, we're understaffed and breaks often aren't a thing, but we all know that and should plan I guess? (Actually work shouldn't be that awful but it is. But I have to and will make sure that I make 30 seconds to stop and take a drink, take a minute to pee, and a couple minutes to eat a spoonful of peanut butter or something between patients or while charting. If I'm there late charting, then so be it.)