Okay, it finally sinks in!

A couple of weeks ago I was shopping. You know those huge pieces of glass outside of stores? They are allllll about windows.

As I was walking I saw the reflection of a person and realized if I could get to THAT size, I'd be thrilled.

Holy crap, that reflection was ME! I didn't realize.

Yet, if I see myself in an actual mirror, I can't see a difference. If I see all me, my feature, my picture, I still look 88 pounds fatter. I see NO difference in me today vs. me yesterday. It's been a fantastic eye opener. I finally realize how an anorexic feels. They are 78lbs and look in the mirror and see 300lbs. *I* look in the mirror and while I am 164lbs I SEE 252lbs. I can't wrap my brain around it.

I realize... I know, I am fully aware, I am having a really hard time getting beyond this point. But the reality is, I can't get beyond this point.

I could seriously use some words of wisdom from those that are there or have been there.

One of my favorite things to do is try on my old clothes. I put a pair of pants on that were tight on me before surgery. I only got to wear them for a short time after surgery until they were too big. I put them on the other day, and they fell off! Even buttoned up, they would not stay on. That made me feel great. But not great enough to get rid of them. I have boxes of clothes that I am afraid to get rid of. Even with the band, I still have this feeling

that I will gain it all back. The band is too good to be true.

My brain isnt stopping me either, yet. I guess I am afraid that it will. I guess I fell like I am going to wake up and its going to have been a dream. I am having a really hard time seeing the new me too.

Hey guys!!

I havent got the surgery yet, but i know exacly what you are talking about. I spent almost a year of my life annorexic, i was NEAR DEATH at 85 pounds and standing 5'4!!!! The truth is i had NOOOOO clue what i looked like, even tho i looked in the mirror 100's of times in a day! The best way to see what you look like is from an outsider perspective. TAKE A PICTURE! put it in your purse and look at it when you are having some 'fat' moments. Of course i used it to tell myself that i was severly underweight and NEEDED to eat, but im sure when you all 'near or at goalers' will say DAMN i look good!!! remember what i looked like a year ago?!?! it will be a big ego booster for you. and eventually you will see that skinny person looking back at you in the mirror as well!!!!

Good Luck-

you all did a great job!!!!

Lauren

i have not had the band done yet, but i completely relate. i suffered from anorexia several years ago and i was 5'2" and weighed 80 lbs (i still had some muscle because i was a combo bulemic). my doctors had instructed my mom to begin planning making arrangements as my life span was expected to be less than 6 months. i have no memory as to how i came out of it, but i did. the person that i see in the mirror today is exactly what i saw then, and we are talking about a difference of 145 lbs!!! later in life i got pregnant and i actually loved my body, i loved being pregnant and i enjoyed actually eating food and nourishing my body (i'm suprised my baby made it i didn't know i was pregnant and was slipping back into anorexia very fast). after i had him, i was happy with myself and my body. then i started gaining weight when my son was about 1 or 2... i didn't realize how different i look after 100 lbs until recently. i see pictures and i'm like "no way am i that fat"...

for me, i think the "anorexic image" is a lifetime problem that you have to battle. once you realize that you truly have image problems and tell yourself that what you see is not really there, it does begin to help, but you have to keep working on it.

another thing that someone once told me that helped TREMENDOUSLY, but seems a little juvenile is to talk back to that bad voice in your head and tell it that it cannot win. draw a picture even, and imagine yourself controlling it (this actually works).

another thing is when you look in the mirror do not allow yourself to say negative things. self talk is a powerful tool. focus on one thing that you like and as you smile at yourself tell yourself over and over that you are beautiful and you love yourself.

obviously i do not do these things right now or i probably wouldn't have as much of an issue, but they do work. a lot of women are afraid of vanity, including me, but we deserve self respect and appreciation. we are each beautiful in our own way and we have to learn to love it. who better to give us the respect and admiration that we deserve than us...

after you have been through the battle with weight loss this is the least that you owe to yourself.

..just my opinion, i know that i will struggle with this same thing a few months down the road..then i will re-read the posts.

WOW! it feels sooo great to relate to someone!! I've actually done all of those tactics when i was inpacitent at the renfrew center to overcome my eating disorder.... keep in touch!!!! best of luck to you!

Lauren

Someone... not sure if it was this thread or another mentioned the aluminum foil trick.

For those of us that can't see the difference today vs. yesterday... someone wrote about wrapping the newly thin person in aluminum foil, cutting it up the side, the fat/thin person steps aside and then they can see what they look like by seeing the aluminum foil wrapping.

Just wanted to let that person know...

I am having such a horrible time with this issue in my life. Tonight I finally called a banded friend and told her I need this. I need to try this. I can keep going if I can see a difference but I'm getting really frustrated being the only person that can only see a 252# person in the mirror.

We are going to do this in the next few weeks. Please, cross your fingers and wish me luck, this has to work!

Thanks for the person that posted this suggestion!

BTW....

I have to thank Jacqui once again. Had it not been for you I would have called hubby at 2AM one morning to see if I was crazy.

Honestly, I have no words to express how horrible it would have been to call the psychiatrist who I am separated from at 2AM wanting to know if I was crazy. It would have been really really bad. I would have paid dearly for that one later.

Thanks, my dear!

Lol, cant talk now, busy wrapping myself in foil....

I kept ONE pair of jeans. They just fall to the floor. But even still it wont sink in. I cannot believe, simply cannot, that they once fit me. Yet I remember wearing them clearly and I thought they looked good!

This bikini photo, I dont think I allow myself to believe that's me. I think "oh, yeah but its a good photo, I dont really look like that".

its a lot of headwork, that's for sure.

Someone... not sure if it was this thread or another mentioned the aluminum foil trick.

For those of us that can't see the difference today vs. yesterday... someone wrote about wrapping the newly thin person in aluminum foil, cutting it up the side, the fat/thin person steps aside and then they can see what they look like by seeing the aluminum foil wrapping.

Just wanted to let that person know...

I am having such a horrible time with this issue in my life. Tonight I finally called a banded friend and told her I need this. I need to try this. I can keep going if I can see a difference but I'm getting really frustrated being the only person that can only see a 252# person in the mirror.

We are going to do this in the next few weeks. Please, cross your fingers and wish me luck, this has to work!

Thanks for the person that posted this suggestion!

Wasa - Think it was me. I haven't tried it myself but a friend of mine that was banded 7 years ago helped do it to one of her other friends. She said that girl just sat on the floor and bawled when she saw how small she really was. I'm planning on having a Christmas Band party here in the Kansas City area and will be stockpiling the aluminum foil so anyone who wants to (ME) can also try it.

You know, I was just talking to a friend of mine and I mentioned the same thing, I am hoping that this will fix my head issue and I will get to see and enjoy my weight loss. We'll see.

If PS doesn't fix our head issues.... what then??

ummm, yeah, damn good question! lol...I do think I am getting much better though. Most days I see the new me, but sometimes I see the fat girl and I want to kill her. How do we bury a former identity?

OK this is going to sound truly NUTS but how about throwing a wake for your former self? You could go all out with photos, flowers, eulogies and all.

OK this is going to sound truly NUTS but how about throwing a wake for your former self? You could go all out with photos, flowers, eulogies and all.

lol...it would be worth a shot!

OK this is going to sound truly NUTS but how about throwing a wake for your former self? You could go all out with photos, flowers, eulogies and all.

Photos? People have fat photos??? HA! I don't.

ummm, yeah, damn good question! lol...I do think I am getting much better though. Most days I see the new me, but sometimes I see the fat girl and I want to kill her. How do we bury a former identity?

Remember the "tents" we used to wear? My friends still tease me about my "fashion statements" today. I wear a spandex tank top and jeans but then I wear a D-Backs jersey over it BUT!!! The jersey is unbuttoned! HAHA Hey, used to be you wouldn't catch me dead in a spandex anything!

So when people gave me a hard time about the jerseys I thought it was because I looked sloppy so I changed the jerseys to a Ralph Lauren fancy shirt unbuttoned over the spandex tank top.

I'll tell you, it's a weird feeling when your bariatric surgeon gives you fashion tips. People keep telling me to dump the unbuttoned shirts (including Dr. Aceves) but I can't bring myself to do that yet.

Maybe after the TT.

Photos? People have fat photos??? HA! I don't.

I know what you mean - Mine are very far and few between. And many of those that do remain I had actually touched up in photoshop so they aren't really accurate either. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I'm not to sure which) I was pinned down about 6 weeks prior to surgery for a family reunion photo shoot. Everyone was required to wear white T-Shirts and I wasn't allowed to hide behind anyone as I was the shortest person there. :angry