Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Dating And The Perfect Body



Recommended Posts

Some men may be shallow, women too for that matter. Whatever the reason, you just haven't found the right guy. Keep being yourself & enjoying life. You may or may not find a partner. Either way you'll be just fine. I'm 51, been single since 2007 (when my fiance' was killed in a motorcycle accident) Being single has it's perks, too. I can do what I want when I want, I am COMPLETELY free to be myself. While I have my lonely moments, it would take someone exceptionally compatible to have a long term relationship with.

Best of luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Frankly, there is not nearly enough information here to even make an educated guess. Is it possible? Yes. Is it probable? Probably not.

If you are not comfortable asking, then maybe consider talking to a counselor or therapist about your concerns. And/or talk to close friends who know you well and ask what they think.

There are so many reasons why relationships don't work, I doubt seriously that there is one reason.

Maybe your picker is off?

Maybe the timing isn't right?

Maybe you just haven't yet met the right person?

Personally, I don't think it ever hurts to do some self-examination and soul searching. Do you know what you even want in a relationship? Are you prepared for that kind of a relationship if it landed in your lap?

Personally, I know that I am going to have to do a LOT of internal work before I will be willing to even date.

Best of luck. Let us know how it is going.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@TheRealMeIsHere! so sorry to here about your fiancé.

And I agree with everyone and wanted to add that my ex was a good looking man. He never complained about my body before, during or after we divorced. He was good about that, but couldn't stay monogamous.

That was the deal breaker - I don't share well when it comes to my husband }:|

Fast forward to my husband that I have been married to for 22 years, is not what I would call a 'looker' like the first husband. BUT I am EXTREMELY attracted to him and wished I had found him first!

Attraction is much more than the obvious physical part IMO~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To be honest, it sounds more like your personality. This is probably why you will not conduct an exit interview. Simply ask them and perhaps you can work on that area. Weight brings about a great deal of pathology. You could be experiencing some.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@rleslye Personality is kind of harsh too.

Dating is just really different right now, especially with people in the later 30-60.

You have a lot of people that are damaged from previous relationship and haven't done the work to be better.

You have some people that are in Peter Pan mode (like moi).

Then just flat out, people have a ton of options. A lot of guys are just rolling the dice and dating as many women as they can because they have access to more women than ever before with the internet.

Lastly there is another thing that creeps in with this age range, lots of married or not single men, who are dating just because they are middle aged and they want to see if they can still pull, but have no intentions of a relationship. They often just disappear or fade out on you.

You could totally just be constantly picking the wrong kind of guy, but I seriously doubt it is your body.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

you're thinking like a fat person. men do not think like that. they are like "woo, titties!" and that's bout it. those are your insecurities peeking thru. it happens to all of us. im 44 and dating a 30 year old so believe me i know what youre sayin' lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To be honest, it sounds more like your personality. This is probably why you will not conduct an exit interview. Simply ask them and perhaps you can work on that area. Weight brings about a great deal of pathology. You could be experiencing some.

Seriously? Please tell me this was not meant to be as mean-spirited as it sounds.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any guy who has been married, gone through child birth and dated women over 25 realizes that at some point gravity wins. If someone wants the airbrushed fantasy woman, run, don't just walk away, run.

Thank goodness my girlfriend was able to look past my physical imperfections. We had this discussion the other night, the physical type she is visually attracted to are athletic chiseled types. This I am not. But thankfully she thought my eyes were intriguing enough to spark an interest.

I have always felt confidence is the most important thing you bring to a date. If someone is confident enough to smile and make eye contact we at least can be friends. We can be more if the chemistry is good.

Good luck, remember 90% of the guys in the dating pool give the rest of us a bad name. ;-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@TammyL323 I have twins too!!! Plus one more 15 months younger.

Dating is HARD at our age, I'm 51. I LOVE dating this time around. I never had a great body, but right now, I have a great attitude about my body. Yes, I worry about being intimate...but having worked with mostly men, I'll know that by that time, if they are into me, that it'll be about connecting...not how many stretch marks I have.

After WLS, we have new bodies with old emotional/physical wounds that even though we may have taken care of them, sometimes leave old impressions that can crop up. As @@OKCPirate has stated in other threads, it is a NUMBERS game. Date, date, date...take the time to find out more about you. What are your likes in a date, what it appears he likes in you? Take a chance and go out with the guy that has a nice smile, but isn't your "type". It's just a date...You never know what you might find!

The one guy that I am actually smitten by is short, stocky and TATTOOED to the hilt. It absolutely boggles my mind as he is definitely NOT my "type". But there is something about him, he's sweet, kind, intelligent, witty And a gentleman. We've only been out twice over the last month, his life is hectic and mine is getting there with grad school starting. So we talk-text most days...but I have NOT stopped dating.

I believe that through this journey, I'm learning more about ME than anything else. And I'm freaking awesome! (and very REAL according to Thurday nights date)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've lost 118# (still have about 33 to go) have had 4 children. My body is NOT perfect. I am now with a wonderful man. I did tell him that I was planning on getting plastic once I was at goal. He said "oh that's fine- but don't do it for me." What a great guy! They are out there- don't settle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As @@MarciaN said....."Don't settle"

I am 44 and divorced since 1998.

Only had two very short relationships since then, but that's all it took to realize I was much happier alone than in a setting that "society" led me to think I needed.

Have I sworn off relationships/dating? Not at all, but he, whomever it might be, will have to be someone amazing to get me to take notice.

If my lack of looking makes me die alone, then so be it. Being able to just plan for myself is pretty darn good. I'm kinda selfish like that, but we all deserve a little selfishness

Point is......I'd rather die alone happy, than miserable in a relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I knew quite of few men that left their girlfriends because they were gaining too much weight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@nyseness.... Where are they now?... I believe when people are not emotional available they are always looking for the way out of the situation...

I see all kinds of people in relationships and all kinds of people being single...

A relationship that can't handle a fluctuating scale is one built on the superficial....

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@ - I'm not sure it is a simple as "he dumped me because I got fat." My GF and I challenge each other all the time physically. We are both 53 and we both want to be there for each other in the long haul, and that means taking care of ourselves. In many relationships the weight gain is an overt sign that something else is wrong. I know there are superficial jerks who would leave because things are not as perky as they used to be, but I also know women who quit taking care of themselves, their homes, their relationships et.al. (same could be said for guys, but we are usually the more superficial sex) so the reason for leaving is all of the above, but since everyone else can see the weight, they assume that is the cause.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Krestel

      Today was a really tough day and I turned to food (and a watered down glass of wine). The interesting part was that I felt REALLY full after eating half my go to cheat snack, tortilla chips with cheese. So the GBP is doing its job!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Nomorepasta

      Does anyone know how to change specific info on ur profile ex. Surgery date weight etc. ?..
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Krestel

      The only way I can tell that I'm losing weight is from the scale and my clothes "getting bigger".
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • GreenTealael

      Still Traveling 😥😌😳😂
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Krestel

      I can now buy clothes in normal stores again. Admittedly the first time when I started trying on clothes, I really had to keep myself calm. Normally trying on clothes causes me to become SOOO depressed that it take weeks just to get over it. Now, I have to keep myself from not wanting to buy everything!
      · 1 reply
      1. AngieBear

        Right?! It’s an amazing, freeing feeling.

  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×