Though I turned 60 in late July, I'm still depressed. I been noting things about myself that are generally problems of old people. First, my nose hairs seem to grow an inch or two overnight. This may not be so bad since I can blend them in with my beard which is heavier than most of my male students. True, I noticed the nose hair problem at age 55, but it seems to be worse. At least I don't have hair in my ears. My brother who is 58 worries about hair in his ears. I had a neighbor who had a whole tuft of hair in each ear. He looked like a Hobbit or something. But he got sent to the pen for raping a 14 year old girl when he was 69 and barely able to walk. I never did believe that story. I don't think Homer was capable of raping a street sign, much less a 14 year old girl. But he did take care of his retirement with good medical care.

But I digress. In addition to nose hairs, I have a bad back, a bad heart, allergies, and a balding pubic area. I suspect there are some more bad physical problems, but I don't want to know. But the worst thing is that I have started reminiscing. I have actually started thinking about how things were better when I was a kid. Naturally, things were better. I didn't have to work and support the dogs, cats and mother. I was thin and attractive. We had a big old Buick which weighed the earth and used gas like crazy. It also overheated when we ran the air conditioner, and we lived in East Texas. But I had some good times in that Buick. I do things like think about the clothes we wore in high school (everything matched -- sweater, skirt and socks). I actually had a dream about people's noses. Is this strange or what?

I think I may be put in the nursing home sooner than I had planned. I plan to die at age 72 which will give me 8 years of boring retirement before I go over the rainbow bridge. But my nightmare is being put in a nursing home where people beat me up, and I don't have any kids to protect me! My students have promised to protect me, but I suspect that means a more brutal nursing home. So things are looking bleak for me. I hope you all are younger and have kids. Be nice to them. They may save you from being beat up in the nursing home. For myself, it's all over because I'm officially old. God!!!

Hi all,

Bitter, enjoy your life. I freaked when I turned 30, when I turned 40, I decided that I was getting old and to (Mentally, at least) give everyone the finger who didn't agree with me. At 50 I treated it as just another b'day. At 60, I was visiting our son in FL and it was, again, just another b'day. January I'll be 70 and am looking forward to it as slightly less weighty (my banding's 10-24). My head thinks I'm still young but when I stand up, my knees tell me otherwise. Have had all the hair issues.

My other half (almost 50 yrs) is still sticking with me, so I guess I've got a lot to be thankful for.

My kids have told me that when I can no longer "chew the blubber", they'll put me on an ice floe in Lake Superior. I've given them permission. So I don't have to freak about losing it mentally.

My son, 48, is married to a woman 63. They're happy and she keeps up with him. So there ARE younger men out there happy with olderwomen.

In our area there are "assisted living" facilities, which are NOT nursing homes. Some of them are really nice. Just another alternative.

Regarding tweezers: at least they're small. Incontinence pads take up a lot of room and are obvious.

I've babbled on enough. Keep your chin(s) up and the tweezers in your pocket.

This thread is so well written and entertaining. I just turned 50. I never dreamed that having a pair of reading glasses in every room of the house would be this important to me.

This thread is so well written and entertaining. I just turned 50. I never dreamed that having a pair of reading glasses in every room of the house would be this important to me.

Yah, that was a big shock to me, too! I used to have such wonderful vision when I was young. :phanvan But I am now so reliant on my reading glasses that I can't even eat without wearing 'em. :help: I spend a fortune on them. :glasses And tweezers mean a lot to my happiness, too. :tired Thank gawd I don't have any continency issues!!! That would be the icing on the humiliation cake. Oh, ugh! ....to be continued, eh......

Yah, that was a big shock to me, too! I used to have such wonderful vision when I was young. :phanvan But I am now so reliant on my reading glasses that I can't even eat without wearing 'em. :help: I spend a fortune on them. :glasses And tweezers mean a lot to my happiness, too. :tired Thank gawd I don't have any continency issues!!! That would be the icing on the humiliation cake. Oh, ugh! ....to be continued, eh......

I get mine in 3 packs at Costco. Ditto on the continency. Hopefully we have decades to go before that one.....

This thread is so well written and entertaining. I just turned 50. I never dreamed that having a pair of reading glasses in every room of the house would be this important to me.

And a pair in my purse as well as a pair in my car.

I hate it. I can't see anything anymore.

Since I wear glasses ALL the time, I have little patience w/my other half who is CONSTANTLY losing his reading glasses. He tried bifocals, but since he couldn't get used to them. Anyhoo...I guess losing reading glasses is just something I have to get used to.

Let me tell you...continence problems are not only a pain in the tush, it's expensive!

Keep smiling.

I am hoping that because I never had children I will never have incontinency problems. I have heard that pregnancy does a real number on your bladder, etc.

Could be. I've had 4. And my first 3 were within 2 yrs (NOT 2 yrs apart, 3 kids in 2 yrs). Glad that time's over.

I love this thread too! It goes a long way toward cheering me up. I get so disgusted with all the problems with eyesight, incontinence, forgetfulness, hair loss, spider veins, double chin, hanging bicepts, sagging boobs, did I mention forgetfullness? Well if I read that so many other wonderful people are able to make jokes about these age and weight related conditions, I figure I can laugh too. Har de freakin' har. :faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint:

My little mum didn't have her 3 children until she was in her 30s. I was the smallest, clocking in at 9.25 lbs. :omg: When she was long past menopause she had a prolapsed uterus and had to have this surgically repaired. For months after this operation everytime she sneezed she had an orgasm! She sure was a happy lady. :whoo: lol :biggrin1:

Could be. I've had 4. And my first 3 were within 2 yrs (NOT 2 yrs apart, 3 kids in 2 yrs). Glad that time's over.

Man, that's a lot of work! You deserve your husband's undying devotion. :cool:

Green: To think I used to admire a friend who could orgasm from a little nipple stimulation. Your mom puts her to shame! Did she carry a feather or some pepper? :heh:

Green: To think I used to admire a friend who could orgasm from a little nipple stimulation. Your mom puts her to shame! Did she carry a feather or some pepper? :heh:

Hah! Knowing my mum, this is very likely. She was a practical grrl.

why can't I ever hook up with women like that...

My little mum didn't have her 3 children until she was in her 30s. I was the smallest, clocking in at 9.25 lbs. :omg: When she was long past menopause she had a prolapsed uterus and had to have this surgically repaired. For months after this operation everytime she sneezed she had an orgasm! She sure was a happy lady. :whoo: lol :biggrin1:

Heheh - I just heard this joke today and it is very appropriate:

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, "I couldn't help but notice" he said, " that you've sneezed

three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently.

Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Black pepper."