I know we all need to eat, but my husband (12 years) is going overboard to the point where we are now fighting about how much I eat. I sometimes (at family meals) eat more then I should and end up just throwing it all up. Not PB. My husband then gets mad at me for it. It started at 318 and am now down to 229, so I have much more to lose. I try to eat a lot of brothy soups so it looks like I'm eating alot. How do I deal with this. Sometimes I go all day without eating until he gets home so he sees every bite I eat. Has anyone else had this problem? What can I say to him?

He is just scared, You have got to get this stopped or it can hurt you. thanks jlweb55

We can't help you.

We can sympathize and empathize and write encouraging messages, but YOU are the only one who can change the situation. Until he's physically forcing food down your throat, you are choosing to eat more to pacify him.

Really, you have decision to make: continue to take the abuse and eat more; make him change his behaviour and eat less; or leave him. I know this sounds harsh, but as someone who has FINALLY removed myself from an emotionally abusive relationship I know that those really are the only solutions.

Hopefully you can find the strength to stand against his unreasonable demands. It's time for you to blossom.

I agree 100%

I hope you guys aren't talking about this in front of your daughter, and that causes problems in and of itself. In my opinion, your husband does appear to just be worried. Although, he needs to know that if you eat too much, you can hurt yourself. And not eating all day is not healthy either, and doesn't make it so you can eat more in the evening. I think your daughter is old enough to understand some basics. That you and daddy are going to model good eating behaviors for her, even though you don't eat a lot, you eat the right things that are healthy. I would explain that mommy eats good things for her body, but unlike daddy and your little girl, she can't eat too much or it would hurt her.

Edited September 4, 200817 yr by MrsFlipFlops
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How involved was he in your process? Is it possible he go with you to a Dr's appointment where the Doctor can reassure him that you are getting the nutrition you need to fuel your body?

I am concerned about my husband I am not banded yet and he is a little Leary of the process. I have been trying to encourage him to check out this board so he will be as aware as I am of what this process means.

I am not a mother but I do know as the daughter of a compulsive dieter that a parents attitude toward food will impact a child's. It has to be so hard as you are trying to relearn a healthy attitude not to give a child a bad impression. At the same time...you were not healthy before the surgery and that to is learned. So my thoughts are similar to what I've read. You have to do what is healthy for yourself and children learn by example.

I think having him accompany you to one of your doctor visits is in order. Tell the doctor what he's doing so the DOCTOR can explain how dangerous the vomiting is and that it's hurting you not helping you to eat more. That way if he has concerns or questions, they are being answered by a medical professional and not you. Then he has no way to argue about it. Let the doctor be the "bad guy" and settle this for you. I think hubby will feel better about the whole thing afterward.

:bounce:After reading what everyone has to say I thought maybe I should clear some misconceptions up. He worried I'm not eating enough and am being a bad example to my children at family dinner time. Hes worried that my daughter 6, who is considered overweight (barly) is going to pick up on what he sees as bad eating habits to lose weight. He wants me to eat more because he for some reason believes I'm starving. I tried to explain to him that I'm not but he concerned. I do have to say that I do agree that no one can force me to eat, but I just want to keep the peace at dinner and not fight about it. I guess it's a good time to talk to my hubby and lay the ground rules about who decides how much I eat. I do think some people were harsh, and others very nice. But thats whats great about this site, we sometimes have to hear things we don't want to. oh and for those wondering I was 140 when my husband and I met.

You know, I can understand your husband's concerns. Children can easily get the wrong impression. But at 6 years old, I think if you and he explained it to her - your surgery and how much food can fit into mommy's stomach- she would understand well enough to not take it the wrong way.

That said, if you continue to eat too much and get sick, it could have very serious consiquences. Does your husband know you are getting sick? Have you explained to him that this could cause you to lose the band or worse? Being healthy for yourself, your husband, and especially your daughter should also be a priority

I just don't understand how some people here say he's overcontrolling without knowing how informed he was to begin with! Nor what a jerk he's being. To give him some credit, we should know about this before assumptions are made. My hope is that he's so much in love with you, that it's only concern and a lack of communication. My DH couldn't understand why i couldn't do it on my own without spending 14k. But he continues to support and encourage me. he's the 1st to pick up on if I'm eating what I shouldn't be. But he's also the second one in line to reap the rewards of my weight loss! As far as the children go, I have always been up front with mine. My two know what surgery I had, why and now the do's and dont's for mommy. And honestly, it does encourage them to control their appetite better too. they've both lost since my banding and they love exercising with me too!

Edited September 5, 200817 yr by neverB4