I'm looking for "like" female six-figure + executive professionals (like me) who have been banded. To share storeis, insights, decisions on who to tell/not tell, buying new suits, handling those lunch meetings with ever-present food, the stresses or high-powered jobs that, when held by women, are typically held by athletic and fit women who look great in a business suit, etc. etc.. Anyone else out there?

:clap2:

I'm a lawyer at a megafirm in NYC, so, though I'm not an executive professional, we likely confront many of the same issues. Actually, I find most in the workforce, irrespective of position or salary, share the bulk of these issues (i.e. worrying about advancement due to weight, proper work attire, uncontrolable shared office food temptations, etc.).

I do agree with you though that one issue that comes up more for the professional at a certain level (and that I've not been able to master) is the client lunch/dinner. I travel on business a fair amount and client dinners are almost always a component. These have been my biggest impediment to weight loss! Particularly as a female attorney, where female partners are already set apart from the norm, eating like a bird and not drinking feels socially unacceptable. So, I take in far more calories at these events than I would like, particularly in alcohol (which I could do without, but for my career).

So, I guess what I'm saying is, I choose to "play the part" to the detriment of my diet. My band is a secret in my professional life. I feel like the deck is already stacked against me with my gender and I don't need another thing setting me apart. I make up for it by not taking in the calories when I'm certain I can comfortably hide it (like ordering a diet tonic with no alcohol if I'm at the bar alone), or by always taking my gym clothes with me on business trips.

Speaking of business, got to get back to it!

I own my own design firm and have similar issues with client lunches/dinners. I've only been banded for 6 weeks, but I haven't told anyone and I don't intend to. One of the ways I've been able to deal with the meal thing is to avoid dinners as much as possible -- it seems much less suspicious to others when you eat less at lunch than when you do it at dinner and alcohol is less likely to be present. I also try to have sushi with clients as much as possible. I can eat miso soup and sashimi and no one seems to notice that I'm only eating a small amount of food because it usually looks like more food than it is.

I don't really have a suit issue since, being in a creative field, it's expected that I would wear something a little less traditional. But it's still important for me to look professional, so I usually wear a lot of black with high-end accessories and jewlery. I do think suits are really nice, so I might buy one when I'm a little smaller

I dread the executive lunch after banding (I get banded in 5 days). One problem I see with business lunches is that people tend to eat fast in order to attend to business. I know it will look strange to take the small bites and chew forever. How do other people handle this?

I wear suits every day. I recently weeded out the suits that make feel like a linebacker. I'm not going to buy any more clothes until I lose weight. Fortunately, I have lots of clothes to get me by. I'm more concerned about my gigantic shoe collection.

I never drink at work functions so that's not an issue. I have a pretty visible job so I'm not looking forward to the "what happened to you" reactions that I'll get 6+ months from now. Of course, I don't think anyone would actually verbalize that but I think I'll definitely get some strange looks -- which I can totally live with to lose weight!

My larger issue is realizing how much of my social life revolves around going to the hot/hip/swanky restaurants. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

But you all are right, as professional women we're under much more scrutiny than our male counterparts. Good luck to you all.

I am not an executive, but a business coach, so I have alot of the same issues.

For the food, I have learned to work my way around a plate and look like I ate a normal amount and haven't really. I also will eat a protien bar before and tell everyone that my stomach is just not feeling well if I do not want to eat in front of anyone. It helps if you don't know them. Some of my associates do know now, a year later and they tell me that they never had a clue.

As for the suits, I buy 1 good suit that I can work in different ways. Three piece suits are great. You can pair the skirt with a nice blouse as well when you can go a little bit more casual. Play it up with GREAT accessories and you will be amazed at what you can do with the same suit! Nordstrom's Rack has also been a great help, I do not want to pay full price when I hardly wear it long.

I do drink but limit it to 1 glass a function because I do get tipsy very easily now.

Part of being a powerful professional is finding more effective ways of dealing with ongoing problems....and eating/drinking beyond what WE know is good for us, certainly is a great way to find what 'Power Suit' REALLY means....If we are ever going to make changes in ourselves, let alone 'society'....what better place and what better time?

Jack, I enjoy you and I enjoy your posts, but, as you know, the topic is about how we should act or deal with the challenges female professionals face in an extremely high stress, male dominated industry. I know you undoubtedly mean well and I don't even disagree with you in concept; however, your solutions are not as simple as your post implies (and they come off a bit like lectures, which you may not mean, but if you do, I would challenge you on).

Thankfully, I am an extraordinarily successful bandster AND professional. Eating and drinking "more than what is good for me" (in calories, not in quantity) when I believe it is professionally beneficial is a valid choice for dealing with a difficult situation. To eat out of stress, perhaps, cannot be condoned. But, to "fit in" in a professional crowd for an intended purpose is an option available to the professional woman that is appropriate to vet on a thread such as this!

All my best,

This wanna be is lurking.

Thanks for the insights. I'm working on my MBA and hope to fit the profile in a few years.

Julie, I always enjoy what you have to say, btw. You add so much to this site.

Thank you so much to those of you who have responded and understand the point I was trying to make about the kinds of difficulties I/we face as plus size women in professional environments then changing patterns, changing size, fitting in... I haven't yet found anyone in my local area (that I know of) who has this type of situation. Partially I think it's because, like me, they are attempting to keep it a secret (I live in the Metro DC area, I KNOW they must exist). It seems everyone else I know personally (well, personally as in they go to the support group meetings my doctor's office holds) who has been banded are stay-at-home moms or school teachers or secretaries and I don't really have a lot in common with outside of sharing the journey of the band. Some of that, I think, is perhaps the stigma obese women face in the workplace - let's be serious, you gotta be REALLY good at what you do and have the kind of personality that makes people look past your fat in order to get ahead when you're obese. And then of course the lack of self-confidence to go after the high-power roles.

So, personally, I guess I consider it a huge accomplishment to have gotten past that stigma. But now I'm freaked out about how I'll be perceived as the weight continues to come off. I am personally making sure that I lose the weight as slowly as possible (and inconspicuously). I liked some of the ideas some of you came up with for the lunches, though.

I actually changed jobs a month after getting banded because I didn't want the folks at my old job to know (they think I just got a hiatal hernia repaired - but there WAS a rumor that I was getting gastric bypass, so I was ticked off about that - yet another reason I'm trying to force the weight loss to go slowly). Changing jobs was probably a tad extreme, but hey it was also another good step up the ladder so at least it wasn't foolish.

Anyway, thanks again to all of you, and further ideas from those of you who understand the "fitting in" issues of women in the workplace, keep 'em coming!

Lisa

One of the benefits of the band is that the weight does come off slowly so others will be less suspicious. Some of my clients have noticed that I am losing weight, but I tell them that I am working out a lot and eating more protein, less of everything else. People believe it and it is true, even though it is not the whole picture.

As for eating more than you need/want at a business lunch, that's everyone's own decision to make. Personally, I feel that I have been through too much and spent too much money to overeat for other people. But I do understand the pressure of being an overweight and intelligent female in a high position and know that it's sometimes preferable to go to extremes to appear inconspicuous than to explain something personal that could stigmatize you even more.

In the world in which we work, where self-control and strength are prized, the Lapband does not look like a useful tool, but as a last resort. A failure. We know that is not true, but it does not change how others would view us or that it could impede us professionally. In the design field, how you look is just as important as how your portfolio looks. People are hiring you for your style and if you don't look stylish, they won't believe that their project will look stylish. I've always felt that I had to work harder to prove myself than the thin women in this field. Of course, the 300lb male slob doesn't have that issue....

Lisa,

I am a professional in the DC Metro area as well. I have not located a support group in my area. Where do you attend these?

Although I am a professional, I am also a federal government employee and do not have some of the same issues that you are facing. I do meet with individuals on a daily basis, but the lunch and dinner meetings are not an issue that I have to deal with (thank goodness). I would be interested in talking more to you regarding the support meetings that you attend, etc.

Hi, I'm an executive in the magazine insustry in Toronto. I was just banded and I'm recovering at home. I certainly will not tell anyone about my procedure, as it's really not their business. I've made a very personal decision and it does not need to be shared unless I feel I want to share it. My job is very social with loads of entertaining and I'll have to be creative at lunches, functions etc. I'm looking forward to fititng in to the perfect suit....as I love fashion......and some lucky women will be getting the clothes that no longer fit me.........

Ok ladies, help me with this one!!

I was at a meeting this morning and afterwards I was talking to a client. I have known him for about 5 years now. He congratulated me on my weight loss, and asked how much I had lost. I had no problem telling him. After he smiled and said "Thank god you didn't loose the boobs. They look great." smiled and then gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. No joke. I wanted to beat the crap out of him. So how do we handle completely inapprioate comments without being a b*tch?? I just walked away....ugh...

Ask him if he knows what colour your eyes are and if he says that he doesn't just nod and say "I thought as much!" If he is intelligent he will figure it out.

Brandy,

What your client did was extremely condesending and degrading. I work for myself and deal with a lot of clients too, many of whom are not as bad as this, but similar. They seem to think they 'own' a part of you when they hire you which allows them to justify these types of comments. You know, they probably dont intend to be this rude. They probably think they are more intimate with you on a friendship level than they actually are.

As i see it, you have two choices....

a) keep the job, smile and hope the stupid dumquat comes to respect you for the work you do eventually. cash the check. keep quiet. Perhaps with time and effort you both can build a working relationship that while devoid of any respect, can still be profitable and help build the foundation of your company. When you can afford to be more selective with your clients, stop speaking to him altogether.

or

smile, then let the bitch in you come out to chomp his balls in retaliation for the comment, let him know that NO amount of money would smooth your conscience enough to allow yourself to suffer him a moment longer. (he may apologize at this point, and change his behavior so it can stop there..but if he doesnt...) Tear up the check, leave..and focus on getting better clients while you scramble for a way to pay the insurance and electricity bills with your pride and dignity in tact, which are the moral building blocks your company can later stand on.

Of course, there are actually many infinite choices inbetween here... and i think the true answer lies somewhere in between...but when you work for yourself it isnt as easy as others would believe. The world is your 'boss', and that boss can be a bitch. Let me know what you wind up doing?

Ive lost a LOT of accounts because i let number 5 go and couldnt allow them a sixth insult. i know..i count. I know, its more than three...i just know that i can pull off three good chances on a bad day myself, fourth is because im a gracious person and forgive myself, and five is for the people who let me have five....but i just cant do a sixth.

Okay so during my first business lunch......I was chewing when my customer (who wanted to go to this tavern because of the great burgers) asked me a question and without thinking about my band I just swallowed and answered him! Not a good move......I tried to continue the conversation with a piece of burger stuck, finally I had to excuse myself and go and slime for 10 minutes. I just made up a lame excuse why it took me so long and then I had to try to fake eating more of the bunl-ess dry burger. UGGHHHH! I realized that my band does not care what the customer suggests that you order, the band knows better, I will now order band friendly food.

This was my biggest fear confirmed.....slimming with a customer!

Ok ladies, help me with this one!!

I was at a meeting this morning and afterwards I was talking to a client. I have known him for about 5 years now. He congratulated me on my weight loss, and asked how much I had lost. I had no problem telling him. After he smiled and said "Thank god you didn't loose the boobs. They look great." smiled and then gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. No joke. I wanted to beat the crap out of him. So how do we handle completely inapprioate comments without being a b*tch?? I just walked away....ugh...

What!?!?!?!? I would have told him to take his chauvisnistic business elsewhere. I need my clients but I don't need their harrassment. A comment like that can often be a red flag for future problems if you continue to work with them.

Sexual harrassment in the workplace can come from anyone, not just your coworkers. Clients need to respect you as much as you do them. I think you should report this to your employer.