Online dating

[GibbsGirl 483]

I signed up on Delightful.com on a whim just to see what it was like. Your invisible until you post a picture so I just looked around. I don't want to date till after my son graduates but was feeling particularly brave. I have so much respect for people that can put themselves out there, I am just so shy. Talking on the computer is easy, meeting someone and being able to speak, I'm just not there yet.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Here is a section I started to try and get some tips from others:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/336754-unsolicited-online-dating-advice/

Here is the dark side:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/352466-they-seemed-sanedating-horror-stories/

BTW, the web traffic count is really low on delightful.com: http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/delightful.com

That means you won't get many dates, or even nibbles there. Match has more women than men, but at least they have a credit card to get on there, as opposed to OKCupid, which is just full of marrieds and people with bad credit or people who are just trying to figure this out (IMHO).

Figure out what you want and create a profile which will attract the people you think you are interested in. There are some good ideas here: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/352883-care-to-share-your-dating-profile/

Good luck. Please message me if you have any questions.

[Alex Brecher 10,516]

Never heard of Delightful before but it sounds like a great place to get your feet wet. Personally, I never chat with anyone that doesn't have a few pics up. I know most of my single guy and girl friend's feel the same as I do. You're absolutely better off without a pic than a fake or really old pic. I've been divorced for 5+ years now and have been in a few serious relationships with people I've met online or via dating apps. I used to use Match.com or similar websites but over the last few years, I've gravitated towards (free) apps. I personally feel that it's ridiculous to pay for a service that's readily available free of charge. The apps currently in my "dating" folder (in no specific order):

• Tinder
• Hinge
• coffee Meets Bagel
• Jswipe
• happn
• Bumble

The roster of apps changes here and there depending on what's "hot" at the moment. The dating pool is quite large here in NYC. Might not be that way where you're located (That might actually be a good thing!) I've used them when I travel and the options aren't as unlimited as they are in NYC. As large as the pool is, I've actually met a few BariatricPal members on these apps! They're like "are you Alex from BariatricPal?!?!" Makes me blush and feel like a minor celebrity for 30 seconds .

Coincidently, I'm currently dating someone I was set up with on a blind date

[AnA92212 577]

I met my husband on eHarmony about 5 years ago. This was pre-surgery for both of us. I previously used match, okcupid, christiansingles, plentyofish, etc. Some people were creepy and some were nice. You really just never know what you are going to get. My hubby is amazing and would never have met him without the internet. Good luck to you!

[Daveo 485]

I tried Okcupid and POF, honestly those ones are not working for me. Maybe It's because I'm in Nevada that there are more "working" girls on there. A paid site such as Eharmony or Match would be my next choice once I lose more weight. At least I know at some point in the communication they have to be a paid member to communicate. lol

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I use POF ok cupid and I just finished a 3 month subscription at senior people meet.

I have no other way to meet people. I live in a really small town and people my age seem to stay home and that's no way to meet people.

I've made life long friends with guys with whom I had no physical chemistry and I didn't want to date, but knew would make great friends.

[because 63]

OKC still single? [emoji4] just checking...

[GibbsGirl 483]

Thank you to everyone, I think I may use my energy to study for my entrance exam to graduate school. Maybe tomorrow right now I am reading OKC's links. LOL

@@Daveo one of the matches admits on screen he and his wife were looking for a good time. I sat there for a few minutes with my mouth hanging open,

[MayMarie 349]

OKCupid can be good if you're in the younger crowd (popular with the 20s/30s) and weed through the weirdos (which has been my experience pretty much every where). I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. We've been together 3.5 years

A lot of the older men that messaged me there definitely gave off the "already married and trying to be a creep" vibe.

[gowalking 10,790]

FYI, I found Zoosk to be a good dating site. Had more success there than POF or even Jdate. Am with my current BF since May and met him on Zoosk. Honestly...I feel so lucky to have met him. What a sweet and caring man he turned out to be. I did not care for the 'job' of looking for a significant other but I'm glad I did. When I climb into bed and he's in there with me, I can feel my stress level drop, and I completely relax in his arms. There's nothing better in those moments. Hang in there...and all I can do is hope you find someone special as well.

[bellabloom 2,469]

I personally really like tinder. OKC was okay too. I wouldn't pay for match. Stay away from POF.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I am coming to the conclusion that it varies by part of the country.

Zoosk -hated it. The way the interface is set up you say yea or nay based on very little info. It kept proposing matches that were too far away! I live in an area with terrible traffic and a large geography so it is a big deal. I want to meet someone that is under 45 minutes away. You have to pay before you even try it.
I met ONE person and it turned out I already knew him! He had come on way too strong at a Halloween party a few years ago and I really didn't like or trust him -what are the odds?!?


Match - I tried it when newly single and met more players and unsuitable people than anywhere. I think that was likely my inexperience with the selection process.
At this point, I don't see that it is worth paying for.

POF - has the same people..plenty of weirdos but also plenty of normal people. BIG advantage is that even the free accounts can hide profiles. I got so burned out on 30 + new emails a day, alot of them from manchilds seeking something from someone their mom's age, and out of staters. By hiding, I choose who I want to talk to and have met quality people.
Met someone, we never dated, but I remain friends with him and his girlfriend of 2 years. Sometimes I get a twinge of envy that he found a great match and I haven't, but I love em both and mostly happy envy for them.
I also met the person that I had a 4 month relationship (though not physical) who turned out to be paranoid, dillusional etc on there -it is an easy medium for people with big issues so select carefully.

okc - same people as are on POF. I like the site better but I have to pay for the"hide" feature.
I met a few that I dated, and one who became my hiking buddy. The questions are entertaining!

Tinder - I only made it 3 days until I became overwhelmed and deleted. The person who told me about tinder said he never actually met someone via that app which I believe. It is the epitome of "shiny new person every 5 minutes" can't even keep straight who is who. I might try it again, going in more prepared to cope with the chaos next time.

I have shared before my tendency to zero in too quickly with one person, and to some extent that attribute makes it hard for me to deal with the sorting process/high volume. I find myself becoming jaded, overwhelmed, not even sure the word. I can only imagine how young women feel....the bombardment of messages from inappropriate matches (did you even read my profile???) is just too much, so hiding has helped make it manageable and less stressful. I don't want a million first dates so I quit when I realized I had become one of thoses "flakes" everyone hates. Will be trying again this spring though!

I am told that men in their 30s struggle with dating in Seattle because we have imported LOTS of engineers, techie types which are predominantly male. Since I prefer to stay within about 10 years of my age, I haven't enjoyed the benefits of this ratio.

[4shiggles 57]

I'm terrified to think about dating. It's almost been a year since my divorce. I signed up for match and eharmony. I purposely put a bad picture and still got a few hits. I immediately thought something must be wrong with them. I've since deleted the apps. And then I wonder how will I be able to date after WLS? What if I have horrible saggy skin? How could you start dating someone and the spring that on a new person. It just causes me so much anxiety.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

i did, and lived to tell about it.

Actually, i had lover at the time I did plastics. He tried to talk me out of it, telling me I didnt need it, all women my age had a little extra droop etc. Then, I had plastics and he changed his mind - definately worth it - ha!

My advice, don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. Focus on getting healthy, building your new life and enjoying it. Excess skin sucks, but there are alot of worse things in life....

I'm terrified to think about dating. It's almost been a year since my divorce. I signed up for match and eharmony. I purposely put a bad picture and still got a few hits. I immediately thought something must be wrong with them. I've since deleted the apps. And then I wonder how will I be able to date after WLS? What if I have horrible saggy skin? How could you start dating someone and the spring that on a new person. It just causes me so much anxiety.

[4shiggles 57]

Oh I definitely worry about the future way too much lol.