I am extroverted and out going but only have a very few close friends. I value those relationships deeply.

One of my closest, M, is about 10 years older, a fellow horse and animal lover, never married and fairly low income as background.

For nearly 2 years I let her ride my extra horse because she couldn't afford her own due to some financial setbacks. I never asked her to pay for gas and of course I was the one that did all the cleaning out of the trailer etc since I hauled to a riding place sort of between where we live. My logic was, she can't afford it and I had to haul anyway.

She bought a miniature horse that is trained to drive but M didn't know anything about that so I did many sessions working with them since she can't afford a trainer.

Then, I had some health problems and had to send my horses to board somewhere for awhile while I healed as I couldn't do the chores. 4 months.

It was expensive to send 2 to a big full care barn so I asked if she could take care of the gentle older horse of mine she always rode (she has lots of land and a barn setup) and I would send the more difficult to handle young one to a barn. She refused so I wound up sending both of them to another friends place and the older horse developed terrible feet problems due to the mud on his place, which took a year to heal. I couldn't afford to send them both to the expensive barn.

So, my feelings were hurt, especially since I was going to pay for all feed, shoeing etc I just couldn't do farm work due to advanced tennis elbow.

I decided I needed to let it go, and just accept that "it is what it is". Her reason was she has 2 goats and was worried that my well behaved, submissive gelding would kick her goats.

So that was all a year ago. I since sold the younger horse, for a variety of reasons. It was out of my mind until recently.

A few weeks ago, M bought/rescued a unknown horse from a feedlot. While rescue is awesome, it really got under my skin that she would take a chance on an unknown horse that she hadn't even met in person, does not know it'd level of training or goat readiness, but wasn't willing to help me.

I generally don't hold grudges, but this has gotten to me and I can't help but notice that it changes my feelings and level of trust toward her.

I don't have so many close friends that I want to let any go, but I feel myself being fakey in my excitement for her. Of course once she gets this horse going, she'll want me to go on easy training rides, so my sweet old gelding will keep her safe (inexperienced horses get confidence from the older calm steady ones).

I want to let it go, why can't I?

I have only read the first page or so of this thread but....

I know that sometimes people show you who they are. Listen when they do.....

Good luck sorting this all out....

Oh, this is right up my alley. At one point in my life, when I was in my 30s and 40s, I had a lot of "friends," I didn't really know the difference. However, my definition of a friend now is someone who really cares about me and will help me out if possible.

I also have no family members either, and when I was younger I had a large circle of acquaintances. Wrongly, I called many of them friends.

People often say you can tell who your real friends are when you really need them. In my 50s I became more needy because of a heart attack and cancer. Later I became immobile due to arthritis. Over time, only 2 people remained as my "friends." Sadly, I learned that neither of them really had my back when I needed a place to stay after being evicted.

Someone, once said to me, be careful you don't blow everyone off because you may find yourself with an empty platter. Consequently, what I did was accept in my heart that I never could trust that they had my back. Instead of eliminating them from my life, I decided to accept what they had to offer and expect nothing more. We get along really well, and both of them do nice things for me and help me out if it's convenient for them.

In my 20s or 30s, I would have blown them off because I am a giver and they're not. Neither are really takers, but both are selfish and self-centered. If my needs conflict with their life, then I am quickly put on a back burner.

i come from the Midwest where people become close friends easily. Midwesterners bond with each other because of mutual dependency during the cold and cruel winter. I live in Texas now, and while my friends will do just about anything for a relative, no matter how distant, non-relatives simply don't count.

One thing I don't do anymore, is accept people into my life if they're takers, haters, needy, angry or troubled. Life is say too short to be around unpleasant souls. Your friend wouldn't last more than one time with me.

When you push people like her out of your life, you leave room and the motivation to meet and make new friends.