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You and your new post op ass, a guide.
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I posted another similar topic mostly as a goof awhile back and it's had an amazing number of views and replies. It made me realize that talking about your ass after surgery can be an embarrassing thing. Yes, I have shat myself, a number of times. There I said it. Lipsticklady gave me the words to live by: Never trust a fart. In keeping with educating people, especially new folks, I thought I would condense a long post and make sort of a guide to living with your ass after surgery, if I did this right, you, the reader will laugh and learn at the same time. Nothing is out of bounds in this post, it's just an amalgam of all the great information posted by the community in the last post. So, here we go: ** Note I am not a Doctor, this post makes no medical advice, it is simply my opinion and that of others, nothing can substitute the advice of your Surgeon or Weight loss team **
Section one: Possible Ass functionality. The ass, has three states, I'll name them, Normal, Sahara and Volcano. Normal function is what we all seek. There are a plethora of reasons your ass may not be operating in this state, but we'll get to that. Next up, Sahara, as it's name would imply, this is when your stool becomes as dry as the Sahara desert. You could spend an afternoon on the bowl, read half a book, your legs and feet go numb, and at the end you, if you are lucky, pass a couple pebbles that actually 'plink' when they hit the bowl. The result is blown blood vessels, having the crawl out of the bathroom because your legs and feet are asleep, and a sore anus. This is not desirable. Even the hardcore S&M people are like, no man, that's hardcore. Then there is the exact opposite, Volcano ass. We all know it. You get a bit of rumbling in your tummy, pass a little gas, then it's game on! You pinch and duck waddle at top speed to the bathroom, sometimes you make it, sometimes you don't. (On a sidebar, it seems like the nerves that connect the ass and the brain have a lag of about 5 seconds. Meaning your ass sends out an alert to go NOW, and your brain takes about 5 seconds to process this and get it out to you, effectively putting your ass 5 seconds ahead of you. Anyone who has shat themselves within 3 feet of the bowl knows what I am talking about). Occasionally Volcano ass erupts like Mt St Helens. You are just sitting there, and BOOM explosion. It may have felt like a little toot, but without warning your ass erupted. ** Edit ** Thanks to @@cherri2082 for pointing out something I omitted. Sodium. I know many of us have a tendency to grab the "Low Sodium" version of a product as sodium has been vilified, however it is an essential mineral. The US RDA for a normal adult male is 1500mg per day, I have no idea how a Bypass affects our ability to absorb sodium, and won't until I get a major blood panel done. However, you should strive to make sure you get enough sodium every day, and when your ass is in Volcano state and you are loosing precious Water, a boost in sodium may well spell the difference between dehydration or not. Thanks for pointing this out.
Section two. How to deal with Sahara ass. RNY GB are prohibited from using 'bulking agents' for 6 months post op. Meaning your solutions are the following. First, everyone should be taking a Probiotic. Our digestive system has just been through hell and a little help cannot hurt. Second approach, Miralax, call your Doctor and get a script, it's WAY cheaper. If you are in an extreme state of Sahara, try two does of Miralax a day for 1-3 days. This really should clear you up. DRINK WATER, I shoot for 100 oz a day. You cannot be angry with your ass for going into Sahara mode when there is not enough liquid. If 3 days of double shots of Miralax does not help, call MOM. Yep, Milk of Magnesia. I took 3 Tablespoons on the first day and 4 the next, and went straight into Volcano. No kidding I lost 5 pounds in 20 minutes. Depending on your diet stage working Fiber into your diet can be hard. But it is not impossible. Chili is a stage 3 or 4 depending on your surgeon diet choice and you can put all kinds of high fiber stuff in there and never taste it. I have been eating nothing but chili for over a month, because it's predictable and cheap. That and I am a boring eater. Well, chili for meals I eat other things. Things to avoid, any opioid pain medicine. If you are in pain and prescribed Vicodin or Percodan, plan ahead, start taking Miralax along with the meds, these WILL PLUG YOU UP!!! Feel free to post any other meds you have encountered that can cause Sahara or Volcano. Taking Miralax long term may be a reality for some. It's better than the alternative. There is a drastic measure that can be taken instead of going to hospital. If you have not pooped in I would say 4 or 5 days, see your PCP and get a script for 'Go Lightly'. It's an oxymoron. It is used to clean you out before a colonoscopy. You WILL poop, In fact, you might see stuff coming out you don't remember eating. This is an extreme solution and again if you go to the ER, this is what they are going to give you. Get it yourself and at least you can poop your brains out in your own bathroom. ** Edit** Thanks to @@Cervidae You may want to try Smooth Move Tea. She said she's had good results with it and I recall from the first post a couple people talked about different teas. Just a word of caution, or advice, if the tea contains caffeine remember that is a diuretic so you would want to increase your water intake a bit. Probably not earth shattering, but if your are already drinking coffee, God knows I do, water intake is so important. Thanks for sharing. Another shout out to @@gpmed who noted that MOM caused stomach discomfort and sometimes overshot (or overshat, that line keeps cracking me up!) the target. I found the overshatting part dead on, but preferable to Sahara. Colace gel caps were suggested, and apparently they do work in RNY GB patients. Thanks for contributing! Another shout out to @ for recommending the Squatty Potty. It's essentially a 'U' shaped footstool (no it not that kind of stool lol!!) that sits around your toilet bowl. Putting your feet on it changes the angle of your anus, rectum and colon, and it designed to make passing a Sahara Rock Poop easier. Thanks for the addition!
Section three: How to deal with Volcano ass. Here is the real problem, short of imodium, this is hard to deal with. Most likely you are eating something your ass does not like. Try backing off your diet and going old school. Go back a diet phase if you have too. Probiotics gotta take em. They really help. Aside from diet changes and probiotics there is not a lot you can do about this. Usually if you are peeing out your poop, it's the body's way of saying there is something here I don't want so I am cleaning you out. Unfortunately the 'something' is unique. You may have become lactose intolerant. Try FairLife Milk (the ONLY milk anyone here should be drinking). It has no lactose, 1/2 the carbs and nearly twice the Protein. AND it tastes GREAT!! The whole milk is like cream. The Skim is like 2% milk. Very creamy. Another really, REALLY important thing to remember when going through a Volcano stage, is to increase your water intake. For RNY GB patients the #1 reason for hospital readmission within 30 days post op, is dehydration. I know I know, your ass is erupting and exploding and the last thing you think you want is more liquid, but you need it. In fact, lack of water can actually make Volcano worse, as your body dehydrates things go awry. Trust me, when I was in Desert Storm I almost died from dehydration. I was CAS evaced to a field hospital and spent 20 days in hospital. The doctor told me I was within hours of death due to dehydration. And that at a certain point, once your body becomes so dehydrated it stops looking for water in the usual places, it drains your eyes, your brain, your organs and even with an IV you may still die. Dehydration is NO ******* JOKE. **Edit, I forgot when writing this to add something I take regularly, however I make SURE to take it when in Volcano mode for more than 24 hours. When your ass is erupting, and your are loosing mass amounts of water, you are also loosing critical minerals that are required to support life. While I spoke about increasing water, and you should, during these times I make sure to add (in my case my water canteens are 30oz) 2 NUUN tablets. They are essentially sugar free Gatorade. You can read about them here and buy them as well from that site (Amazon), they are effervescent but that only lasts for like 20 minutes, so drop a tablet or two into a bottle of water, and let it sit unopened in the fridge for 1/2 an hour and the carbonation is gone. They have a fairly mild flavor, but I've tried every flavor and while some I like better than others, there is none that I do not like at all. Gotta give a special shout out to @@cherri2082 for providing a fix for a burned, chapped ass exit. Aquaphor, which is essentially a better version of Vaseline. We used it on my kids when they were little for a range of things. Good stuff, and it will certainly help a burned out butt. Thanks for the advice!!
Wrap up: We all want a normally functioning ass. Me and my ass had it out a couple weeks ago. A double dose or Miralax followed by 4 tablespoons of MOM and I went into Volcano mode, extreme edition. Once it was over, and it was quick. My ass called a truce. I keep the MOM on the back of the toilet to remind my ass every time I sit down, what power I have available to me. However, Probiotics (do NOT cheap out on them, buy good ones, it's worth the extra couple bucks), lots of walking, lots of water and fiber and my ass has been normal for a couple weeks. I don't poop every day, sometimes I flirt with Sahara, but it clears up in a day. I had a good poop today, and as it's been a couple weeks, I thought I would share all I have learned, and start a post anyone can add whatever they have learned. TOGETHER WE CAN POOP NORMALLY! EMPOWER YOURSELF! YOU CONTROL YOUR ASS, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Remember, anything coming out of your ass, started off in your mouth. Talk about your ass in the third person, it helps. I think of my ass like another part of me, one that needs to be controlled. And unless you want to deal with this: SEE ATTACHMENT
Heed the above advice! HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY POOPING!!!!
Reading this post is meant to empower you over your ass, rise up and declare you will no longer be a slave to your ass, that ass oppression is OVER. And all of us in a single voice say to the world we have had enough (or not enough in the case of Sahara) and we are DEMANDING change, POWER TO THE POOPER!!! POWER TO THE POOPER!!!, POWER TO THE POOPER!!!
/rant off
Edited by winklie