Hurt again.

[bellabloom 2,469]

Well, a life lesson for me again. Don't date an alcoholic.

I've never known an alcoholic before. The man I've been dating the past 5 months is one. It snuck up on me, realizing how bad it is.

We were together successfully 3 months when he lost his job, his brother died, and now his dad has prostate cancer. He's totally hit rock bottom and spends all day drinking.

I've been trying to survive in the relationship. We've already broken up once and got back together recently.

The first time we broke up, it was after I was spending the night at his house and in the middle of the night he got up to use the restroom and fell on me and almost broke my ribs. He is a pretty big guy (6 foot) and he was dead weight and I'm very tiny now. I was so bruised I could barely lift my arm.

I broke up with him and then regretted it, missing him and the company. So I decided to give it another try thinking it was a one time thing. Then last night, I was at his house in bed and he got up, came back to sit down and sat down backwards too close to me, and the back of his head cracked into my face sooooooo hard, I thought my eyebrow was split. I cried and held my face for 15 minutes seeing stars with tears streaming down and shaking. I'm so surprised I don't have a black eye today.

What is wrong with me that I can't leave this situation. I'm getting hurt and it's dangerous. Clearly he is sick and I have no business being in this.

On top of all this, he is totally narcissistic and I find him rather irritating and boring. He doesn't ever talk with me about my life, only himself and his problems.

Why am I still in this???????

The weird thing is that although he doesn't listen well, ask me questions or take and interest he is constant saying how much he loves me, adores me, how sexy and beautiful I am, how he wants to marry me and he also wants to have sex with me around the clock!!! Makes no sense.

Edited October 9, 2015 by bellabloom

[FrankyG 1,450]

You are still with this guy because you think somehow that he is the best you can do and you don't feel strong enough to be alone.

So maybe counseling? You need someone to help you build back your self worth and ability to see when a person is not good for you.

And you need to call a moratorium on dating until you get a handle on who you are, what you want out of a relationship and what you are not willing to deal with to have one.

In other words - find yourself, and you'll be better equipped to find the person that compliments and strengthens you, not one that will tear you down.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Run.

[Ashlegal 525]

It is a double edged sword. On one hand the humanitarian in you (and in most of us) can see a hurt soul and immediately relate. In that relation we somehow negotiate our own self worth and how we would want to be treated if in their shoes. We convince ourselves that it will either a. get better, b. is only the best we deserve, or c. we'll be complete and total a**sholes if we left.

It is a cat and mouse game of epic proportions. We seek any shred of decency and hold on for dear life. Then when it escapes, flees and runs and hides, we blame ourselves for letting it get away.

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

I am so sorry you are going through this....

As a daughter of an alcoholic father....I feel your pain. However, he is responsible to fix his own problems. My dad had a reason to drink for every day of the week. If it wasn't tragedy Monday, it was joy Tuesday, or boredom on Wednesday, or that his boxers were too tight on Thursday...Friday...well that's the weekend...drinking so much he never got a hangover because he never truly sobered up. Never took ownership of his problem. It was torture growing up with that. I watched my mother for 25 years make excuse after excuse for his behavior and actions...while he but inhaled booze. She thought it was alright because he still provided for the family. Yes it is a disease and only one curable once they are convinced they have a problem. I prayed for years my parents would split because of the damaged it cause us all as a family. But she stayed, until the day he died an old age of 55. In my opinion, she enabled him to lead that life for never setting boundaries for herself or for us kids with him and never forcing him to choose booze or us. It took me many sessions in therapy to state that I resented her for that as much as him. Ok...wrong path here..this iss about you

It is hard as hell watching someone you care about decline like that...but once it starts to be YOUR problem it is time to say, "you've got a problem, get help and I'll help you too...or if you don't I'm gone." You can help people mend, but you can't do it for them. They are always sorry after the fact, most are sincere when they say it. But sorry doesn't fix it...recovery does and if he is not willing to do that, then you honestly should move on.

Edited October 9, 2015 by Pillar2butterfly

[Daveo 485]

Sorry you are going through that, it's hard when you have feelings for someone and they can't stop their addiction. You gotta think of yourself first though and do what is best for you.

[bellabloom 2,469]

It's pretty nuts. I can't believe I'm in the situation and how much I am procrastinating ending it!!! Am I that afraid to be alone? What is it with this guy. I just don't know.

He is very funny and that's a real attractive trait to me, and he's very affectionate but not in a personal way! Just words, that's all they are. He barely knows me.

[Babbs 14,681]

You've only got 5 months invested into this relationship. And don't you have kids? Why would you want to get even further into this and subject your kids to a drunk?

Why don't you just concentrate on raising your kids for now and not worry about dating until you feel you are ready for man worthy enough for you and your kids? Because this drunk isn't.

[Victoria Mora 40]

I can feel what you re going through. Being in the restaurant business my ex always had an excuse to get drunk with the customers. It was hell trying to work the restaurant and staying away from him when he was drunk, as he could turn from a happy drunk to a nasty vicious one. Ive had similar things happen physically as you hve. After our 3rd daughter it became hard for me to work there as often so i was at home. He would come home every night drunk and basically try to start something. I was smart to keep my mouth shut and play along with him BUT I was smarter on the day I said enough was enough and ended a 20year marriage. Some would say you have kids keep trying to make it work, and yes i did love him, but then I looked at my 3 daughters and knowing that if I stayed it would only be showing them that that behaviour is acceptable. That final day he had thrown a chair at me, I still didn't say anything but when he hit one of my daughters I saw red and god knows where my strength came from and he is bigger than I was I basically grabbed him and threw him out the door at 4 am.

I am very sure he does love you but if he won't help himself you can't do anything else but look after yourself. it gets worse not better in my experience. Get out before the next accident could be fatal.

[Seahawkgirl 129]

Think about what you would tell your best friend in this situation. You deserve better, you can't fix him and you should get out. Take care of yourself and be good to yourself!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

So, I have been around heavy drinkers but being so messed up you FALL on your girlfriend is way way outside the normal....even for a heavy drinker. Maybe since you are in the middle of it you don't see how off the hook abnormal that is.

Drinking aside the whole"butter you up" with lovey dove words but not really giving a rip about you and your life. .... CLASSIC BAD BOYFRIEND - DUMP HIS DRUNK ASS AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

You know I would really like to be in a committed relationship, but I'd rather be single than be with someone who cares so little about me, my feelings and honestly even my safety. You deserve better....

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Run!

I recommend reading some Melodie Beattie. She writes a lot about codependence.

[Onelife 128]

There are worse things than being single ---- being with the wrong person. You can't meet Mr. Right as long as you are with Mr. Wrong.

[bellabloom 2,469]

You've only got 5 months invested into this relationship. And don't you have kids? Why would you want to get even further into this and subject your kids to a drunk?

Why don't you just concentrate on raising your kids for now and not worry about dating until you feel you are ready for man worthy enough for you and your kids? Because this drunk isn't.

I would never, ever expose my kids to this. He has only met them once months ago before he started acting this way. And to be honest, I was less than thrilled how he acted towards them. Disinterested, just like he acts towards me on a mental level. So after that I decided not to bring him around again.

In fact, I'm not planning on introducing anyone to my kids anytime soon. I'm a protective mother cub when it comes to them, they are a separate part of my life until the truly right man comes along. I have the 50% of the time and it's during my other 50% I date, not when they are with me.

I know there is 0 future with the guy. 0 future for me and definitely 0 future with my kids!!

I need to drop him. I am realizing I dislike being alone more than I thought.

[bellabloom 2,469]

I do feel like I am worthy of a better man!!! Of course I do. I think I'm awesome!!

I just don't like being alone and I haven't met anyone else that has sparked my interest. All the other guys I've met were just so lame. But of course so is the one in supposed to be with!!

I'm only now realizing how bad it really is with him.