So many crazy men

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

The one thing I have now (from my husband) that I never ever had before (except from my mother) is his unconditional love. He loves me. Really loves me. The way I am. All the time. He has the ability to love and doesn't measure it out in teaspoons or in any other ways.

He just loves me. He shows it and I know it 24/7. The safety and security and stability that affords me is immeasurably valuable. I have no words to express its value.

And even when we are parted by death, if I'm left alone I will still have his love because he loved me so perfectly.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@VSGAnn2014 -And even when we are parted by death, if I'm left alone I will still have his love because he loved me so perfectly.

And that is a perfect epithet for anyone, very moving and beautiful and a great standard to strive for.

[treblecutie23 318]

And space has lead to a full on end to my relationship. So I now get 3 weeks to get my emotions in check before my 2 week pre op diet begins. I'm not sure which is going to be worse!

[bellabloom 2,469]

Oh I feel your pain!!!!! I'm in the midst of a long distance relationship. Incredible. Love of my life. He's my support through the surgery when j have it next month and coming to take care of me. Out of nowhere Friday I get "sorry but this will never work lets be realistic". When Thursday was love and roses and wedding talk and kids! Saturday was more "I love you so much" and how he can't live without me. Then yesterday and today....he wants me to Give him some space!

Sighs.

The stress of the weekend resulted in 4 lbs of weight loss. ((If we're going to be positive))

As of now. He's getting space. Still coming next month to care from me stating we will talk and see when he gets here.

Totally agree. Men can be just as crazy as most perceive women to be!

Message me if you need a venting buddy! We seem to have tons in common. lol. And I could use the support more so texting than on a forums.

I want to shake him. I'm supposed to be the emotional wreck right now. He's supposed to be strong and supportive! I'm being his and my own support. It's overwhelming sometimes.

Omg. Drop that guy!! No way Jose. He's playing with you and he's not serious. Just be done.

Your going to lose all your weight and be a different person anyhow and you'll find someone great for you!

And space has lead to a full on end to my relationship. So I now get 3 weeks to get my emotions in check before my 2 week pre op diet begins. I'm not sure which is going to be worse!

That's good! Your better off!!

[Daveo 485]

Dang all the crazy men are giving the rest of us a bad name. maybe I'm crazy for saying that. haha

[treblecutie23 318]

Turns out there was a justifiable reason for his freak out and behavior.

His ex wife, much older than him or us/mother of his son just learned she has terminal cancer. So he's dealing with a lot. And felt it was unfair to me to be playing care giver to her and just conflicted because he loves and will always love her, mother of his child but he's in love with me and we have something so special. We've talked. I understand and obviously support him supporting her and want to be involved and present. we are getting through it all together. Back together. One hell of a week.

She knows about me. And supports us and respects our relationship. But she needs support going thru what she's facing, having a young child. I care about her as the mother of his child and respect him as a man so so much.

So I guess they aren't all crazy.

Most of the time.

[parisshel 1,892]

@treblecutie23: You are not going to like hearing this, but I'm going to say it anyway:

Run. Run fast. Do not stay emeshed in this situation. His behavior is one big red flag.

You deserve someone who can love you wholly. I guarantee that if you stay with this man, you will be giving yourself endless grief.

Let him go. Let him tend to her (if what he says is true.) Don't ask him to share his alliances between the ex and you.

There are thousands of men to love out there. Go get one who is free.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

It makes sense. Any good man, a man well-educated, polite, loving and kind? He would still be married.

Not really, there are a lots of men married to terrible women. They deserve better, some of them wake up and finally make it happen.

[Dr-Patient 831]

I totally agree and understand. It seems that everyone is freakin' crazy these days!! Men have SOOOO lost their way.

That said (and I know that many of you won't like this, but...) I feel that the 'women's movement' jacked up a lot of men. Men don't know when to compliment a woman [for fear of getting charged with harassment]; if they can hold the door, or pull out a chair. All these women with "I can get it myself," or "I don't need a man for a,b,c,." or...whatever. Men are often 'weaker' emotionally [oddly!], and their emotions don't process as well as we might think they should.

That said, all this family dysfunction, etc. It's all related. But yes, men are crazy these days. But to hear men tell it, women are too, but I don't know cuz I don't roll that way. Male and female--the way God made us.

But yes, we have to now deal with folks who no longer know how to relate, how to court, schmooze, or just be appropriate anymore. All around sad times, on so many fronts, in modern society.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Well, I have not had lasting success with my online dating forays, and yes I have met a few wackos... but mostly, what I see is that we are all struggling to find that elusive "last love" in life.

We seem to yearn for "the good old days" but I really take issue with the concept that things used to be better for people. I know about my mother, and other women of her generation's history. Awesome if they happened to be married to a decent guy, really really sucked if you weren't. Or, as an example of the horrible things that happened to my mother after she was widowed with 5 very young children is being evicted from her rental home because "it wasn't seemly to have an unmarried woman with children" living in a respectable house. Seriously?

So, one of the reasons relationships are harder is because these days BOTH genders have a realistic choice. There are kinks to work out, and I agree that some stuff is kinda weird, but I still think it is a better world when both men and women have some power over their own economic and other aspects of life.

FWIW, I love men who have good manners, offer to open doors, help with chairs, pay me compliments etc. I don't need it, but it makes me feel special and I like it. I always express my appreciation when it happens to show up. On the flip side, i put effort into my appearance and when I go on a date I do my best to dress/look "appropriate" for the setting and I have had gentle gratitude for that expressed to me. Some guys like a woman they feel proud of showing off - doesn't mean you are someone you are not... just looking nice and appropriate for the situation whether it be a night out dancing or a day out hiking. While all the things I just mentioned are superficial, they are part of the man-woman relationship game and I like it! ha

[gowalking 10,790]

Well....all I can say to the above from @@Dr-Patient is that I consider myself an equal to any man in terms of opportunity and am grateful to not be financially beholding to a husband or anyone else for that matter. Economic independence makes it possible for women to have options and that's always a good thing.

It does not mean however, that I don't appreciate a gentleman. I like having a door held open for me, or the man to walk on the curb side of me so as to keep me 'safe'. Or the thousand and one ways a man can be a gentleman. One thing has nothing to do with the other. I personally think that people just don't know how to be polite anymore. And that's what's sad.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

While I can admire his dedication to someone he shares a bond with, I too think you should seriously consider if this relationship is meeting YOUR needs.

I was in a LTR (11 years!) with a man who is very decent, and goes out of his way to help others. You know what really got me - his interest in helping a stray dog or a virtual stranger equalled or exceeded his ability to be there for me. Over time, I realized this wasn't love, this was something else. It was a very lonely situation. I still care very deeply for this man - we have been broken up for years - but I will NEVER again enter into a serious, committed relationship with someone who is out saving the world and doesn't have anything left over for me.

None of us know your situation, but I think you should ask yourself if this relationship meets YOUR wants and needs.

Turns out there was a justifiable reason for his freak out and behavior.

His ex wife, much older than him or us/mother of his son just learned she has terminal cancer. So he's dealing with a lot. And felt it was unfair to me to be playing care giver to her and just conflicted because he loves and will always love her, mother of his child but he's in love with me and we have something so special. We've talked. I understand and obviously support him supporting her and want to be involved and present. we are getting through it all together. Back together. One hell of a week.

She knows about me. And supports us and respects our relationship. But she needs support going thru what she's facing, having a young child. I care about her as the mother of his child and respect him as a man so so much.

So I guess they aren't all crazy.

Most of the time.

Turns out there was a justifiable reason for his freak out and behavior.

His ex wife, much older than him or us/mother of his son just learned she has terminal cancer. So he's dealing with a lot. And felt it was unfair to me to be playing care giver to her and just conflicted because he loves and will always love her, mother of his child but he's in love with me and we have something so special. We've talked. I understand and obviously support him supporting her and want to be involved and present. we are getting through it all together. Back together. One hell of a week.

She knows about me. And supports us and respects our relationship. But she needs support going thru what she's facing, having a young child. I care about her as the mother of his child and respect him as a man so so much.

So I guess they aren't all crazy.

Most of the time.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@gowalking@CowgirlJane - I don't get any guy who thinks being chivalrous is bad thing. I like making people feel special. And it's so easy to get props for killing spiders, why would you get stupid lazy?

I've been chastised by a few women who told me "they were more than capable of opening their own door." I'd just pull out my best southern accent "I know you can, but you can take a boy out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the boy." That usually calms them down since there is an anti-southern bias.

(While I graduated from East Carolina University (home of the Pirates), I have never really had a southern accent since I moved there from San Diego...but it's nice being able to pull one out when you need it).

[bellabloom 2,469]

What I am looking for is simple- a level headed man with his feet on the ground and a decent job he likes. Not given to extremes, enjoys life and has a good sense of humor.

No heavy drinking, no drugs, no heavy religion, basically moderation in life. Emotionally stable and fortitude for life, an optimistic viewpoint.

A man who knows how to treat a woman with respect and admiration- open doors ect is a huge plus. I hate being treated like "one of the boys". Someone with time and the inclination to spend it with me.

Is this too much to ask??????

I'm a pretty damn good catch and I deserve it!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@bellabloom - great list, print it out and look at following a date