Worried about regrets

[AmyNLaynie6 8]

Starting get kind scared :/.

I'm still really early in the journey,my seminar is this Sat. I guess I'm just afraid ill regret this and loose who Iam. What if I don't loose any weight? What will I do with all this spare time i'll have not going to restaurants and cooking. How many people have major sickness/discomfort/ weakness for a extended time after surgery? I'm worried about being able to take care of my two yeay old.I'm also worried ill be grumpy with her. I'm like afarid ill become more unlikabable. Idk I'm just afraid of who ill become after the surgery. Sorry for the rant everyone I guess I just need to talk it out. If you made it this far thank you for taking the time.

Edited August 14, 2015 by AmyNLaynie6

[katybelle7 65]

Amy, I think most of us are having those second thoughts before our procedures. For good reason...we're making a life changing decision! But I've yet to read a post from anyone saying, "I lost no weight, this was a dumb idea!" I really think we worry our love/hate relationship with food won't change, and that we are permanently changing our bodies forever for no conceivable reason. Your success depends on a positive attitude and research on the subject. It's almost like going to,school again :-)

I would suggest that you have help at home for a short while if you have surgery since you have a little one who will want to be lifted and cuddled. But whatever your final decision is, it's the right one for you. Don't second guess yourself! Best of luck.

[slvarltx 332]

I almost backed out about 20 times...lol!!! I am 3 and 1/2 months out and have 0 regrets now. My lifestyle is pretty much the way it is except that I am 90 lbs lighter from when I first started (lost 30 lbs before surgery). I feel fantastic and I only really notice my restriction when I am eating solid food. My head hunger feedback loop is now broken...I actually pick portion sizes now that I can comfortable eat.

No sugar coating though. The 2 weeks pre-op and the first 2 weeks post-op aren't a lot of fun. I think you read a lot of misery on these boards as it is not a fun period. Change is hard and your body is basically really mad at you for daring to change.

If you can lose the weight on your own, then by all means do it. For me, I just couldn't do it. I left all the shame, guilt, and other bullshit behind and decided to have the surgery. Post-op, you have to be ready to change or you can still work around the operation and gain weight. My surgeon told me 10% of his patients lose nothing because they like to drink milkshakes and eat cheesecake. The sleeve is a tool, not a miracle.

At the end of the day, where do you want your body and health to be in a year from now? If you can get there without WLS, then do it! In my personal evaluation, I just saw my self overweight, with high blood pressure, and was ready for a change...no matter what! I am 10 lbs away from losing 100 lbs since Xmas 2014. I hope to have lost 130 lbs by Xmas 2015, but even if I don't make it, I know that I can easily lose another 20 if not 40 by then because I have an amazing tool that allows me to control my compulsive overeating.

Best of luck to you!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Frankly, I was ready to leave behind parts of who I had become pre-op.

I realized I could not move forward in life if I didn't finally learn how to care for myself and build the discipline to do that every day. And I sure as hell wasn't caring for myself every day (or sometimes not even every month) in the two years prior to my WLS.

WLS gives us a tool (sleeve, bypass, band, etc.) to finally get healthy enough long enough to care for ourselves.

After that, it's up to us to get even healthier and build the new habits and lifestyle that will KEEP us healthy.

Good luck to you.

[NewNewMe 277]

I have no regrets other than I wish I had done it sooner. I actually eat out more often now, I just take a leftovers home. I used to be afraid of eating out knowing I would ruin whatever diet I was on. Now I go to restaurants and easily choose healthy options. My head hunger no longer rules my choices. I still love to cook. I just eat much smaller portions and I freeze a lot. Grumpy is the opposite of how I feel. I feel energetic and finally at peace that I have done something that is actually working. The peace knowing I can't suddenly take focus off my diet and regain all my lost weight in a couple weeks. Your two year old will also benefit from the healthy choices you will make after surgery. Good luck!

[peaceout 273]

I think it's absolutely normal to be having second thoughts. Mine didn't hit until the morning of surgery, already in my gown, waiting for the anesthesiologist to come make me loopy; but then, I've always been a procrastinator!

Since then, though, I've had no regrets. Being healthier and more fit should give you more energy, not make you grumpy or unlikable. And even if you have a bad day here and there, think of how much longer you'll be around for your daughter if you can become a healthier mom. Plus, you'll be setting a great example for her.

Keep your head up! We're all here to support you. Best of luck to you!

[Rose4 Life 19]

Amy, you are not alone, I think we all have some or all of those feelings. I don't think you will lose who you are because you are more than your outter skin. Yes you may feel grumpy but who doesn't sometimes? Take it one day at a time. You made an important decision to live a longer and healthier lifestyle and I think that's what's most important! Your family needs you! ????

[jane13 2,256]

Amy,

I agree with everyone's reply to your post and I wanted to add that you may also feel buyers remorse post-op. When the reality of what "tool" you choose sets in. I felt it two days post when I realized that 80% of my stomach was gone, never to be put back in, WTH? That remorse lasted less than a day - I was at home by myself and had time to dwell on what put me at needing WLS and why I chose that path. Buyers remorse went out the window and now, -70lbs, I only wish I had stayed the course and not backed out in December. I would probably be at goal by now ;D

no regrets!

[lauraellen80 854]

Starting get kind scared :/.

I'm still really early in the journey,my seminar is this Sat. I guess I'm just afraid ill regret this and loose who Iam. What if I don't loose any weight? What will I do with all this spare time i'll have not going to restaurants and cooking. How many people have major sickness/discomfort/ weakness for a extended time after surgery? I'm worried about being able to take care of my two yeay old.I'm also worried ill be grumpy with her. I'm like afarid ill become more unlikabable. Idk I'm just afraid of who ill become after the surgery. Sorry for the rant everyone I guess I just need to talk it out. If you made it this far thank you for taking the time.

I was someone who also worried, "What if I have the surgery and just don't lose weight? What if I'm the weirdo that it doesn't work for?" Well, I'm two months out and have lost almost 60 pounds, so that worry was not valid!

As for having too much spare time--like others said, you can still enjoy going to restaurants and cooking, you will just do more planning for it and eat less at a time. As you get healthier, you'll also be able to do other things that you couldn't do before--I've been able to start taking walks and working in my garden.

The first couple weeks after surgery can be a struggle, but it varies from person to person--and it goes by quickly. My recovery was fairly smooth, and I was able to move pretty easily through the food phases and haven't had trouble with much of anything as far as solid foods.

I don't have kids, so I can't speak to that, but as for being grumpy... really, the only time that I've been truly grumpy during this process was during the first week of my pre-op diet, when I was only allowed liquids and limited veggies (plus I had just started my period, it was awful!). Sure, there are times when I'm not losing as fast as I want to, or I have moments of wishing I could sit down with a giant plate of nachos, but overall I am much happier and more pleasant than when I was 235 lbs, in pain and out of breath all the time, sitting out activities because I couldn't physically do them or was embarrassed about how I looked.

Good luck to you!

[Babbs 14,680]

At almost 1 year out, my life is totally normal.

I go out with friends, hike, vacation, go shopping, go to the gym and run, take my dogs on a walk, spend time with my grown kids....

See how none of it revolves around food?

That's my new normal. I hope it will be yours, too.

[Scout2014 24]

Babbs, thank you for sharing your new normal. Definitely looking forward to that

[KathyRS 29]

I hear ya! I start the liquid diet tomorrow, and I'm seriously worried about being able to maintain my responsibilities. I'm a marriage and family therapist, and some of my couples are having a hard time right now. I'm expecting grumpiness and general muddle-headedness. I'm taking 2 weeks off therapy, but I will be doing therapy up to the day before surgery, and then there's after. In my imagination my future horrible therapy sessions go something like this, "Stop being such a stubborn jerk, Joe. Bob, (I work with same sex couples) quit whining. Jeez! You are both so annoying, not only should you forget all this, but never date again. Seriously. Just get a cat." LOL. Hopefully it won't be that bad, but I don't think I will be as good as normal either. My clients know, so that should help, and I've lined up a lot of support from my friends and family. It's hard for me to do something for myself, especially when I know it will have a cost to others, but they keep telling me I'm worth it, and I have a sneaking suspicion they're right. Good luck to you, me, and all of us!

[lauraellen80 854]

@KathyRS--you and I are right around the same stats, as far as starting weight, goal, etc. You're just a couple inches taller.

I anticipated being incredibly grouchy and short-tempered during the pre-op diet, but I wasn't that bad. Well, maybe you should ask my husband. I was able to keep myself together at work as far as not losing my cool with people. I did have a couple times where I had to lock myself in the bathroom to have a crying jag and hyperventilate for bit.

Post-op, I had trouble concentrating for the first couple of weeks--all my plans to catch up on hand-sewing projects and watch BBC period dramas while I was off work went out the window, and I mainly vegged out watching Friends and Gilmore Girls reruns, because I just couldn't focus on anything substantive. By the end of that first month, though, I was back to normal. That's where it helps to really focus on getting in your fluids and your protein--once you get your intake of both of those to where it should be, along with taking your Vitamins, that foggy-headed feeling will go away.

[KathyRS 29]

Thanks Lauren! That's very helpful. So you worked up to the surgery as well? I am only taking 1 full week off work. I do therapy part time and I teach at community college part time. I just can't take 2 weeks off teaching and cover the material so the second week I will be teaching, which just means 2 days from 8 to 3. I probably won't be as animated at teaching as usual, but I think I can get through it.

[AmyNLaynie6 8]

Wow thank you for the replies everyone!You guys are truely awesome . I think I to work harder to push away these self sabotaging thoughts.