I'm almost 4 months post op. Even before thinking about surgery, there were small steps I would take to try and 'preserve' what health I had. (Ie- drink water, diet soda, bring lunch vs buying it etc) All the while I would hope my husband would adopt something for himself too... But he's his own person. He's never berated, bullied or lectured me about my weight, and I try and do the same for him.

But, part of me wonders if he was kind of 'enabling' me, or simply not doing me any favors ignoring the 'elephant' in the room. But, it's nearly impossible to approach this topic of weight without seeming like you are 'fat shaming'.

I see how physically unhappy he is with himself. And how unhealthy he is, cholesterol issues, elevated A1c, sleep apnea, joint pains etc. I love him and want us to enjoy growing old together, but we're too young for all that! Guess I can only pray that he chooses something that helps enhance his quality of life at some point. I ultimately had to make this decision on my own, So I need to transition my worry for him to love and appreciation for his support of me.

It’s really tough. On the one hand, it’s his choice. Getting healthy is clearly something that you have to want for yourself and do for yourself. On the othr hand

The first thing is to try to communicate your thoughts openly with him. Do you feel comfortable explaining your thoughts; that you want him to be healthy, especially because you feel how good it feels to be healthy; that you support him; that you don’t ever want to nag him; that you want him to be healthy because you think it will make him happier?

Once you communicate with him, there’s not much more you can do besides lead by example. Your own ability to do more things, be happier in life, focus on things other than food, go out with friends, etc., could motivate him to want to follow in your footsteps (surgery or not).

You can also try to include him without making him feel threatened. Invite him to work out with you; ask if he’ll help you prepare your healthy food.

Good luck – it’s tough to watch someone not choose to be healthy once you’ve decided to!

I've slipped the idea of surgery around my husband a few times a month for the last 8 months... he's strongly considering it for next March. It's whatever to me though -I just want him to be happy and healthy.

I have a really attractive friend who never discusses weight...she has a very high bmi.It got so bad that she would come over with the intent to see a movie or go shopping the last time she came over she literally had to take a nap..Heart palpitations and dizziness from the high blood pressure....fast forward 4 months ago she revealed that she was getting the sleeve.....What ??,I would of never thought..,fast forward 2 month out she and her daughter had surgery 2 weeks apart....down 40 pounds ...joining a gym....amazing.

im in a similar boat with my husband but hes trying to lose weight with slimfast. he says if he cant keep the weight off by this time next year he will get the surgery which makes me happy because i just want him to be healthy

Keep leading by example!

With my wife, I've approached it from the health side. Getting rid of Diabetic medications and the long-term problems (nerve pain, skin issues, mobility compromises, possible losses) seems to motivate her far more than getting to a size whatever.

My energy level so much higher that now things have actually flipped. I'm now the one offering to walk the extra block to get the car and bring it to her. She is complaining from time to time about sore joints, and I am getting the clean reports from the doctor. Her diabetic condition is absolutely weight related, and seeing me lose the Metformin immediately after surgery was an eye opener for her.

Talking about the better health and only about that has been most effective so far. She has an initial consultation appointment later this month. I will stay encouraging and prayerful concerning her journey.