This may come across as narcissistic

[jennylew 9]

So i am almost a week out from surgery. I have not made it a secret about my weight loss revision that I had on Aug. 3rd, and other than my parents (who lives across the country) who sent me flowers, no one has even asked me how I'm doing. No phone call, no PM on Facebook, not even a damn text. I dont want to sound selfish or even feel sorry for myself, but my feelings are a little hurt that not one of my friends or coworkers has even made an attempt to ask how I'm doing. Is weight loss surgery so "taboo" that people don't want to address it? I mean, I did after all have major surgery. I feel so alone right now.

[esskay77 785]

People really don't know what to say or if you want them to say something. They will notice but might not say anything, especially right away. Don't worry about them, focus on yourself and how good you feel and look and how you are doing. There will reach a point when you are going to hear all kinds of compliments and trust me, that's even hard to hear and take. Just keep your eyes on the prize. And, we are all here for you if you need anything. (I should also say, you don't actually want them asking questions at this phase--I think we all assumed that the weight falls off over night and it doesn't so they might be thinking something you don't want to hear. But mostly it's just awkward for others to talk about it with you until they know your comfort level).

[maggie409 765]

I think most people consider WLS to be a private matter. I don't figure people don't care, I suspect they are respecting your privacy.

[rte837 141]

If this is a revision, when was your first surgery? Could it be they're afraid of offending you for questioning a second surgery? I, too, had a revision after 5 years. Not sure people knew how to take a second go at it. It was odd enough at the time (2003) for them to understand the first.

[Dub 10,033]

If this is a revision, when was your first surgery? Could it be they're afraid of offending you for questioning a second surgery? I, too, had a revision after 5 years. Not sure people knew how to take a second go at it. It was odd enough at the time (2003) for them to understand the first.

I would be willing to bet this has a great deal to do with it.

[jennylew 9]

Thank you for all of your responses. I guess I always expect people to be like me. IF I know someone who has had a hospital visit I usually check in and see how they are doing or at least let them know that they are in my thoughts. My first go around was when I had the lapband put in and I didn't tell anyone except immediate family in fear of being judged. This go around, i am taking the bull by the horns and have no shame for what I have chosen to do with my life. I guess I just expected a little support from the people who I thought care about me. I'm sure they do care but it may be uncomfortable/awkward for them.

[rte837 141]

Don't make this about anybody but YOU! You are not doing this to see what THEY think. And as posted before, the comments WILL come. Glad you went from Band to By-Pass. I thought you meant you were re-doing a previous by-pass. Good luck!!

[Spiceyfrog 269]

If you have made them aware of what you were having done, then they SHOULD have asked how you were doing.

A co-worker of mine was on medical leave shortly before me and when she returned our big boss had flowers delivered to her desk. When I returned, nothing. That's just how some people are and we can't let it get us down.

[bgirl505 1]

I just had a similar situation with someone who is supposed to be a best friend. It does hurt. It's easier said than done, but try just to focus on you. Once you are on the mend and confident enough I would let them know how you feel.

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

When anyone has any kind of surgery what is nice is if your family friends would not only ask how you are but offer if you need anything; trip to the store, drop off magazines, a friendly visit and even a mani/pedi if you are up to it. I don't think there is any excuse especially if they are your true friends. Shouldn't have anything to do with what kind of surgery; ingrown toenail removal to gastric bypass; surgery is surgery.

[NaomiAus 104]

I think some people just get caught up in their lives and genuinely forget what is happening in other people's worlds, this certainly describes me. Though I do understand your hurt, so how are you going?

[nomorechubbybutt63 66]

You are right to be hurt...you've made a big decision and this should be about you....I'm also proud you are not making excuses for these people who haven't at least checked on you....

A different topic but in the same vein....my son who has cerebral palsy turned 12 yesterday...he has 6 siblings and except for his older brother who lives with us, nobody called or sent anything....I am livid...I even had one child who said..wait for it...." I forgot cause it wasn't on Facebook"

My point is people should never be excused for being selfish and considerate..furthermore I hope you will question their inconsideration when next you meet.....and thank you for letting me usurp your thread....boy I'm in a mood today!!!! Lol!

[Zweiz 4]

I had mine done on the 4th and told a few friends that did show up by my side. But getting home. I wanted to be left alone to focus on myself and not socialize or say a word even. We all handle it differently but I agree with most that we all should focus on ourself to feel and get better.

[rte837 141]

It is odd how people look at gastric sx for wt. loss, isn't it?! Would they ignore lung sx on a smoker; or cardiac bypass? You just have to know it's what YOU chose and get your support here. Anything from family and friends; just consider it icing on the cake. (sorry for the food reference!)

[snapdragon05 44]

Yeah me personally I could care less. I only want my husband and my mom.