So yesterday I sprung on my husband that I wanted wls his response shocked me he said we will never go out to eat again!! What about dates?! How will you ever be normal? This is serious. I'm like what the f**k did you just say?! Are you serious. He tried to talk me out of it. He gave me worst case scenorios. He scared me. And now I'm lost why would he do such a thing?!

There are lots of reasons someone might have that kind of response and most of them are selfish. Remember he might love you just the way you are, or he might be comfortable knowing that he always has an eating partner or that if he keeps you fat and happy he doesn't have to worry so much about anyone trying to steal you away. It could also be that he knows you will be a buzz kill for a while and not fix him lovely munches.

I hope he rethinks it if you really need the surgery.

Edited July 21, 201511 yr by MIMISAN

@@MIMISAN said it. There are lots of reasons he may be resistant. Talk it through with him and explain if you get healthier you will be with him for a much longer time. You can still go to eat out, you will have leftovers and make better choices. You need his support! Good luck!

It was probably just an off the cuff reaction. You're thinking in terms of a healthier, extended life. While he apparently, immediately focused on the aesthetics, such as how it will affect your social interactions as a couple.

If you haven't already I would suggest you sit him down and explain in detail exactly what wls will do to improve your lives. Expose him to the forums and tons of supporting information out there. Hopefully he'll come around, but if not, in the end, it's your life and ultimately your decision.

While I never personally had that sort of reaction from family, I did have to educate quite a few of them on the common misconceptions out there.

Good luck!

Mine did almost the exact same thing after I found out insurance would cover a good portion, and our monthly payments would be totally affordable. I was flying high...so excited...his reaction was not that AT ALL. I was truly shocked. I cried and cried because my heart was broken. He finally came around and is being really supportive so far. Surgery is Aug 17. Hoping the encouragement keeps up. I really hope your husband comes around like mine did. I think you're completely in the right for being all WTF?. I really hope you can get him to come around. If wls is something you want, you should be able to have it.

Id have to ask is he a bg guy himself? if so then he may see in you a "safe" person." someone who doesnt make him think of himself as bigger as well. If he is thin, then I am lost. You should always be worried about your loved ones, for surgeries etc. But supportive as well.

Good luck!

People's first reactions aren't always their last or even their next reactions.

God knows what he really thinks / has heard that WLS involves -- or even what you told him after learning just a little bit about WLS. (Did you give him the idea that you couldn't ever go out with him and enjoy a nice dinner? If so, please know that a year from now you're very likely going to be able to do that. You will surely bring home a doggie bag, however. But no one will notice.)

My husband was completely supportive of me. Still, I drug his ass to my full-day educational program and to all my doctor's consultations, pre- and post-op.

I continue to educate him about every phase I'm going through.

But he IS perfect.

If you are interested in reading some informative & helpful weight loss reviews and articles, you should check internethealth.org

Before killing him in his sleep with a pillow(I know I considered it w/ mine LOL), try approaching it another way. When I told my husband I wanted WLS he told me to just go on a different diet and maybe it would be different.(I'd been on one for a year at that point and had lost 3 lbs). He got angry, he cut me off and wouldn't let me talk, and he even tried to pull out the kids and use them as a weapon saying that I would be stealing away their Christmas presents to pay for it. I couldn't get through to him speaking, so I wrote him a long letter and told him at the end after he had read this, I wanted him to come talk to me. I poured my heart out in that letter. I didn't hold back. I told him why I needed this, how it was going to help me, how it would effect all of us for the positives, how my life expectancy would grow, I wouldn't live in fear of getting diabetes, and all the statistics I could find on wls from survival rates, 5yr survival at my BMI range without wls, my fear of dying I front of our kids from a heart attack, just everything I kept inside. I told him

how important it was for me to have his support and not feel like I have to choose between him and my life. They should be 2 things that go together. I basically had to sell it to him. It wasn't because he didn't care or was trying to be insensitive to my needs. He honestly did not understand my struggle and was afraid I was going to do something hair brained to try to get skinny at a huge cost of money and possibly my life. We used to watch 600lb Life together and there were several people who died. By explaining my side and giving references to websites with facts, he was able to research for himself and see that it was a good idea. You can still eat out after wls, but instead of buying 2 entrees, maybe you buy one and split or or if he's not a sharer, maybe buy 1 entree and one healthy appetizer as a meal for you. You just need to get both your sides heard and come to an understanding. When I was done, and then we were done talking, we both knew this is what I need and he's behind me. He actually surprised me the other day and said that he doesn't want me to wait til Christmas if I get approved earlier so I could be on the road to a healthier me sooner. Last night he gave me a magazine that listed some good family friendly hiking trails in our area, because I'd like to be able to go on nature hikes but my weight makes it hard to even stand for 30 mins at a time much less enjoy a hike! It didn't all happen over night, but as he began to let it all sink in, he's really become a big supporter for me getting this done.

You can still go out to eat lol. You will just order differently and go to different restaurants. I travel a lot for work so I eat a lot of sushi for example. I also eat eggs for breakfast almost every morning.

Thank you guys for responding! I don't have much support. I was at work so I couldn't respond. Everyone thinks I'm fine the way i am but I'm not I'm fat and tired I don't want to be this way anymore. I feel like because I am an attractive fat female people think it's ok to be fat. I hate it. I want to change so bad I tried pills diets excersise and nothing has worked. My husband ironically enough is a body builder completely opposite. I just think maybe he dosent understand my struggle. Maybe he thinks no one wants me now. Maybe he's scared I'll never be the same. But whatever the reason his unwillingness to help me get thru this and his negative attitude is making it that much harder for me. He's trying to scare me and hes doing a good job but I'm firm in my stance I want this. I just hope nothing happens to me. I want to be around for my son. I am researching like mad it's good and bad. I'm still so stuck between the sleeve and the gastric I was hoping that I could get a lil help from him deciding since I value his opinion. I guess I'm shit out of luck. My friend said I should lean on you guys. She said that no one knows how I feel or what I'm going thru like all of you. So although it's hard for me to open up to strangers here goes nothing. Desperation def gives you willingness.

You can lean on people on the internet for support, but you have to live in your marriage. You need to find a way to make your husband hear your concerns.

You can still go out to eat lol. You will just order differently and go to different restaurants. I travel a lot for work so I eat a lot of sushi for example. I also eat eggs for breakfast almost every morning.

I'm so glad you mentioned sushi because I LOVE sushi and wondered if that was doable post op. Probably not the way I stuff it in my mouth, but still doable!