Hello all vets,

I've not posted here in a long while. I'm still struggling with maintaining my weight. Next month on the 8th of June will be 1 year that I lost my husband to cancer. I posted several times about gaining weight after my husband's diagnosis from 178 my lowest to 216. I've still maintained at 216 give or take a few pounds. My starting weight was near 300. I'm happy that I've been able to keep off at least some of the weight. I feel like so many I've talk with about the sleeve that are further out... like I can eat almost as much as I did before. I know the sleeve is a tool and I know that ultimately it is up to me but the reason I had this surgery and was self pay is I thought it would help me for the rest of my life. I've had issues with GERD and esophageal spasms which have subsided a bit since I'm further out but I'm so mad at myself for gaining back 38 pounds. I've tried everything to get back on track and have been unsuccessful. I know it is my fault but dealing with all the trauma of my husband's cancer and watching him die I'm still an emotional wreck. I have okay days and really bad days but I have support and I'm trying to work through. I will never get over it but I will get through it. I pray for strength everyday to get back on track but I always fail as I did before the surgery. If I could just get back under 200 !!! I know I have to do it myself but I feel like such a failure. Just thought I'd check in since it is coming up on my three year and hopefully one day, it will click in my head and I will be strong again and get back to losing. I'm really glad I've not gained anymore but I'm so scared!!! Dear Lord I don't want to go back to 300 and I can't get control. I have a friend that is doing the "Shape Reclaim" diet. She has lost almost 50 pounds in 9 weeks and she hasn't had the sleeve. It is so strict, I couldn't stay on it. You buy drops to take which use to have HCG in them but no longer do at least that is what they say. I would love to lose my regain that fast but I don't have the willpower. Anyone heard of this diet here? I know you've given me suggestions but I've forgot most of them. My mind isn't as it use to be. I need to reset!! The "pouch test" is also hard for me to stick to. Maybe I will try the 5:2 again.

Edited May 19, 201511 yr by Lisa's Hope

Why not just go back to basics? Just focus on Protein first, and anything else after. Are you still having a Protein Drink supplement? Start the day with that as Breakfast, and focus on protein filling lunch and dinner. Cut out refined carbs, sugar, and all the stuff you eliminated while you were losing! It still works!

I'm so sorry about your husband. Are you currently in any kind of grief therapy? I really think you would benefit from it. I think dealing with emotions from the loss if your husband first would help the weight loss part if it to fall into place. It's hard to do what you need to do when you're still struggling with all those emotions you must be feeling on a daily basis.

Hang in there! He would want you to be happy and healthy

So nice to hear from you!

I want to ask you a serious question. .. can you see how awesome it is to weigh in the 200# weight class vs 300 range????

Hi Lisa....you are here! That is a great first step! You can get so much support and inspiration and encouragement here, so good for you for coming back in. I am three plus years out and I come back here almost every day (although I don't post as much) but it keeps me humble and helps me remember where I was and where I don't want to be again! I think you have been through so much that it is time to stop beating yourself up and be proud of the strength you have shown to put one foot in front of the other. I recently did the 5 day pouch test and yes it was hard because like you, I feel I have ZERO willpower, and although I wasn't squeaky clean about it, at the end of the 5 days, I felt so fabulous, emotionally and with a weight loss AND with restriction again.

I think the idea of therapy or joining a meetup group to help you get out is a great idea and focus on your new future.

Let us know what we can do to help. But as I said, just coming back here is a good first step.

Why not just go back to basics? Just focus on Protein first, and anything else after. Are you still having a protein drink supplement? Start the day with that as breakfast, and focus on protein filling lunch and dinner. Cut out refined carbs, sugar, and all the stuff you eliminated while you were losing! It still works!

Thank you so much. I do drink Protein drinks. I actually love them. It is so much easier to just get one out of the fridge than to cook. I don't eat refined carbs at all really but the sugar that is again something else. I'm going to try this and get back to basics. I think I still have a bariatric diet someone in my computer files.

So nice to hear from you!

I want to ask you a serious question. .. can you see how awesome it is to weigh in the 200# weight class vs 300 range????

Yes, I can. I'm thankful everyday that I've been able to stop the regain. I did cut out the nightly fudgesicles as I stated in earlier posts. FINALLY! That was very hard for me to do. I know that I am the one that HAS to take care of myself. I appreciate the encouragement from you all very very much! Good to see you here too! I know if I can just get under 200 and maintain, I will be more than satisfied. This has been a lifetime struggle with me as I'm sure for most of us!

So nice to see some familiar faces! Thanks again for the encouragement! I knew I could count on the vets here to be here with kind words and understanding. I will keep y'all posted on how I'm doing. Starting today Back to Basics!

Hello Lisa’s Hope!

I was one of your caring supporters during your darkest days when you first lost your husband. It is so good to see your post today! Most importantly—although it might not feel like it to you, you HAVE made tremendous progress in clawing your way back from your devastating loss. I know sometimes I get so tired of people telling me how “resilient” I am. Do you ever feel that way too? But, I personally believe that our lost loved ones want us to honor them in the best way there is, and that is to live out our lives joyfully in peace, and in the present day, not stuck in the past or in what could have been.

OK--about your weight regain. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Thousands upon thousands of people who go through far less traumatic experiences than you have REGAIN much more than 38 lbs. Some people LOSE a lot of weight during major emotional trauma. That’s who we are. Emotional humans. It doesn’t make us failures.

I just want to share some of my thoughts with you because you've been through so much and I just wish you future happiness and contentment in your WLS life. Your post was really just venting and you didn't really ask for this advice, so I hope you don't find my post offensive.

Have you thought about paying more attention to the negative talk you are telling yourself? It can really keep us weighed down (no pun intended) emotionally. Just a couple thoughts as you try to get yourself "Back to Basics:"

The FIRST step to reclaim control of your eating habits is to BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

The SECOND step is to focus on TODAY’s eating only. Not what happened yesterday.

The THIRD step might be to actually sit down and make a written list of the exact foods that you KNOW are the biggest culprits that are most contributing to your weight gain. (This is a tough get-real moment for a lot of us). It might be that you need to go “cold turkey” and totally eliminate these foods until you reach your desired weight. Get them out of the house. Meanwhile, you find some acceptable substitutes for these foods so you don’t feel deprived. (Write the healthy substitute next to the culprit food.) For instance, you mentioned Fudgesicles—maybe find a recipe for frozen Greek yogurt drops. If you are near a Sams Club or Sprouts market, Fresh N Easy, check out Enlightened frozen bars—a satisfying 3.5 oz bar for Cal=80, Fat=2.5g,Carb=15g, Fib=5g, Sug=3g, Pro=9g.

The FOURTH step is to be ready to commit to doing what it takes to consume your healthy 3 meals/2 Snacks per day, within your calorie/protein allotment. Do you have good bari recipes? Maybe visit www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com for starters. Yep, preparing 3 meals and 2 snacks is a lot of work, but we learn to be smart about it by planning ahead, cooking ahead, freezing portions, etc. Makes it almost painless!

It is never too late to get rid of your old unhealthy eating habits and create the new, healthy habits and lifestyle that the long-term WLS patients use to maintain their weight. You most likely did not have the time and dedication to establish those good, solid habits back then because you were in the throes of dealing with your husband’s illness. So, now is YOUR time.

(Fad) DIETS don’t work! (No disrespect to those who post on here who use the 5:2. I know many of you find it very useful—I’m not calling it “fad”).

We had WLS so we don’t have to be on DIETS for the rest of our lives.

I've found that the formula for WLS eating is really pretty simple:

Use food as fuel and medicine for the body.

Our bodys' cells and systems know how to process real, whole foods to keep our health and weight in balance. It does not know what to do with all the processed junk food that we feed it, and the results are very predictable (weight gain; potential for disease).

You mentioned that you thought the sleeve would help you for the rest of your life. It does and it will always, and it is sitting there ready to help you. But you have to hold up your end of the bargain for the rest of your life. I’m four years out, and like you, I can definitely eat as much as I could before surgery. Yes, I am surprised about that. Yes, I get hungrier than I thought I would. No, I didn’t think that’s how it would be. But I also know that if I eat junky carbs (sugar), my appetite goes way out of control immediately for days after. So, it’s just plain not worth it to me. It IS a CHOICE that we all ultimately must make for ourselves. Do we want to consciously control our food choices for the rest of our lives—or—don’t we?

You can replace your fear, Lisa, with your POWER, and you can begin to practice removing “I can’t” and “if only” from your vocabulary! YOU CAN. Period. I know there are so many people here for you...

Be proud of yourself for wanting to correct the problem! You are clearly a very strong woman and I know you will get back on track. You are not a failure. You are a success. Go back to basics with lots of protein and you'll do great. I gained 10 pounds back and it killed me to step on the scale and feel that again so I know how you feel. I have faith that you'll continue to lose!

Such great replies - all of them! And yes, do Celebrate how well you're doing instead of how badly you think you've done--and with what's been going on for you, I think you're doing really well. So sorry about your husband!

The only thing I'd add is my own experience when i find I've let myself slide into Sugar-imbibing or other habits fall away is ONE BIT AT A TIME. And I do mean "bit" as in, not a big step, but a tiny one. The first day I tell myself I'm going to replace those sugar Snacks with a half a Quest bar each time I'm tempted to each those tasty sweets (chocolate chunk rocks!) and ignore calories for the day. This also gets my Protein up and helps my energy a little bit. The next piece I add back in is more Water, then after a day or two of success with that, I'll make it on a good walk or to the gym.

Don't think it has to be all or nothing, or all at once. That's too daunting for me when I'm feeling so drawn to eating the wrong stuff in too large of quantities or like I'll never have the will-power to lose again. Little bits all add up. That 80+ pound loss you've maintained is great, and you did it one ounce at a time, day by day, hour by hour. Make this hour one with a tiny step in it. Good luck to you too!

Kate

Lisa, glad to see you back here. I want to let you know that you are not alone, so many here have had greif in their lives, or will in the future. This year was (is) rough for me too, and some days all I want to do is EAT. I just reach for the drug. I feel a little space to breath right now, and am starting to change my point of view enough to also change some of the way I cope. I always swore I would never do the 5 day pouch test, but started it yesterday, with the goal in mind of getting a little bit further off my carb addiction, and to show myself I could really do this for 5 little days. I feel better allready. Really, the food still tastes good, I can eat as many meals as I want to, and the number on the scale is budging down. I just plan the whole day, with the promis to myself that If I am still hungry, I can eat another meal if I need to. Take care dear.

Hello Lisa’s Hope!

I was one of your caring supporters during your darkest days when you first lost your husband. It is so good to see your post today! Most importantly—although it might not feel like it to you, you HAVE made tremendous progress in clawing your way back from your devastating loss. I know sometimes I get so tired of people telling me how “resilient” I am. Do you ever feel that way too? But, I personally believe that our lost loved ones want us to honor them in the best way there is, and that is to live out our lives joyfully in peace, and in the present day, not stuck in the past or in what could have been.

OK--about your weight regain. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Thousands upon thousands of people who go through far less traumatic experiences than you have REGAIN much more than 38 lbs. Some people LOSE a lot of weight during major emotional trauma. That’s who we are. Emotional humans. It doesn’t make us failures.

I just want to share some of my thoughts with you because you've been through so much and I just wish you future happiness and contentment in your WLS life. Your post was really just venting and you didn't really ask for this advice, so I hope you don't find my post offensive.

Have you thought about paying more attention to the negative talk you are telling yourself? It can really keep us weighed down (no pun intended) emotionally. Just a couple thoughts as you try to get yourself "Back to Basics:"

The FIRST step to reclaim control of your eating habits is to BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

The SECOND step is to focus on TODAY’s eating only. Not what happened yesterday.

The THIRD step might be to actually sit down and make a written list of the exact foods that you KNOW are the biggest culprits that are most contributing to your weight gain. (This is a tough get-real moment for a lot of us). It might be that you need to go “cold turkey” and totally eliminate these foods until you reach your desired weight. Get them out of the house. Meanwhile, you find some acceptable substitutes for these foods so you don’t feel deprived. (Write the healthy substitute next to the culprit food.) For instance, you mentioned Fudgesicles—maybe find a recipe for frozen Greek yogurt drops. If you are near a Sams Club or Sprouts market, Fresh N Easy, check out Enlightened frozen bars—a satisfying 3.5 oz bar for Cal=80, Fat=2.5g,Carb=15g, Fib=5g, Sug=3g, Pro=9g.

The FOURTH step is to be ready to commit to doing what it takes to consume your healthy 3 meals/2 Snacks per day, within your calorie/protein allotment. Do you have good bari recipes? Maybe visit www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com for starters. Yep, preparing 3 meals and 2 snacks is a lot of work, but we learn to be smart about it by planning ahead, cooking ahead, freezing portions, etc. Makes it almost painless!

It is never too late to get rid of your old unhealthy eating habits and create the new, healthy habits and lifestyle that the long-term WLS patients use to maintain their weight. You most likely did not have the time and dedication to establish those good, solid habits back then because you were in the throes of dealing with your husband’s illness. So, now is YOUR time.

(Fad) DIETS don’t work! (No disrespect to those who post on here who use the 5:2. I know many of you find it very useful—I’m not calling it “fad”).

We had WLS so we don’t have to be on DIETS for the rest of our lives.

I've found that the formula for WLS eating is really pretty simple:

Use food as fuel and medicine for the body.

Our bodys' cells and systems know how to process real, whole foods to keep our health and weight in balance. It does not know what to do with all the processed junk food that we feed it, and the results are very predictable (weight gain; potential for disease).

You mentioned that you thought the sleeve would help you for the rest of your life. It does and it will always, and it is sitting there ready to help you. But you have to hold up your end of the bargain for the rest of your life. I’m four years out, and like you, I can definitely eat as much as I could before surgery. Yes, I am surprised about that. Yes, I get hungrier than I thought I would. No, I didn’t think that’s how it would be. But I also know that if I eat junky carbs (sugar), my appetite goes way out of control immediately for days after. So, it’s just plain not worth it to me. It IS a CHOICE that we all ultimately must make for ourselves. Do we want to consciously control our food choices for the rest of our lives—or—don’t we?

You can replace your fear, Lisa, with your POWER, and you can begin to practice removing “I can’t” and “if only” from your vocabulary! YOU CAN. Period. I know there are so many people here for you...

Thank you. I appreciate all the wonderful information you've given me and you taking the time to help me Everything you've wrote about is very true!

I love you all so much! Thank you for being here for me!!! I miss you all. Nice to come back and be welcomed with open arms. My life for the past year and a half has been terribly hard. I pray every day and my faith is strong. I love my husband more than I could EVER express and his death was the hardest thing I've ever faced. I've lost my parents and siblings and I have another sibling that is dying right now with cancer. He is a year older than I am. Sometimes, I just don't know if I can take anymore but having God by my side, I know I will make it. I do need to think of me now. I need to love myself. My husband would want that for me as we discussed this before his death. So hard without him. The only way to describe it is like ocean waves. Some knock me under and I wonder if I will get back up. But I always do. Other times the waves aren't so big and I have hope. When I chose this name for myself on this site "Lisa's Hope", I had no idea the significance it would have in my life. I really do have hope. Thanks again my sleeve sisters. I appreciate you all so very much. I can't say that enough! God bless. I will continue to come in and update. I think I'm back for good!! <3

Edited May 20, 201511 yr by Lisa's Hope