Hello, I am about two weeks post-op and my husband says that he is not attracted to me at all after seeing my incisions, my drain, etc. He says he doesn't know if his attraction will come back and if it does, how long it will take. Did anyone else have similar experiences. What do I do?

I agree with everything the previous posters have said. It is a well known phenomena that many men leave wives who get cancer (especially breast cancer). A man who can't man up and be there for his spouse when she needs him is not a man I would want.

My husband loved me when I was thin when we married and when I put on over 100 pounds in 30 years. He was there for me when I got breast cancer and I was there for him when he got esophageal cancer 11 months later. I was there for him when he died 2 years after that.

That is what a relationship where two people who love each other looks like. In sickness and in health.

Had your husband said "I am concerned about your surgery and the pain and don't want to hurt you" that would be one thing. But to say he wasn't attracted to you because of your tube, incision, etc. is unforgivable.

You deserve better. Life is too short.

This is the only rational explanation I can fathom for the troll...

I like your scar pic.. does that make me weird?!

It's time to post scar pix. I think someone gets off on 'em.

Give the poor guy time, it's and adjustment for him as well..

Lol

I'm sorry you have to endure such unsupportive comment from your husband. He should be proud of you that you took control of your life and to become healthy and he should find that attractive instead of the physical part of it.

Good luck to you. Wish you well.

Run, don't walk. Or stay and take your chances and pray everyday that you do not become disfigured, get cancer, or a serious illness because its clear to me this man(I use the term loosely) won't be there for you! It is amazing how much we learn about family and friends during times like these. Congrats on doing this and caring about yourself!☺

Time to start putting all the money you can in a safe place,establish credit in your own name learn how to take care of the car take out the trash and anything else you need to take care of.when the time comes that you are secure ,if HE hasn't improved either have him leave or you leave.you do not deserve to be treated like you don't matter.

Definitely... Keep going for you.. He is truly insecure and trying to make you feel bad.... Be a better stronger you

I can't believe we're all still talking about this. The OP updated us with a resolution!

I want to thank everyone for their advice and encouragement. I spoke to my husband about that comment today. I told him how shocked I was and how much it hurt. He said that he meant that seeing me in such a fragile state and knowing how much pain I'm still in, he is afraid to hurt me. Other than that comment, he has been wonderful during this process. Maybe I misinterpreted his comments, maybe not. I believe his explanation for now and we'll see. I remain focused on myself and the positive changes that I am making. Than you all!

I'm so glad that you spoke to him about it in order to get a better understanding. Lots of opinions and advice on here. Only you know what's best for you :-)

That's not very nice, I had an x boyfriend who did that to me once, wow was I hurt, I think you deserve better, my husband loves me and

Would never say that. Don't let anyone put you down!

Wow, a more than likely, misunderstood 3rd person comment, about a unknown person..... probably taken out of context....... and he's lynched on here by some pretty biased women without so much as a "maybe there's more to it"........

If I ever find myself in real court..... I want an all male jury.

Actually....I just like stirring the pot.....

Edited March 6, 201511 yr by Recycled

yeah, kind of a tough crowd...

I am soooo sorry girl! Im fighting back the tears as I read the comments. He doesnt deserve you! Keep your head up and work your plan. Dont let him drag you down my friend. Im sorry.

You're fighting back the tears? WOW!!

I am soooo sorry girl! Im fighting back the tears as I read the comments. He doesnt deserve you! Keep your head up and work your plan. Dont let him drag you down my friend. Im sorry.