Hi... I never wrote in forums , I am more of a reader( and I have enjoyed and learned through reading a lot of the topics offered through this forum)... But something happened yesterday that kind of shook me.

First a little about me: I have my sleeve operation due on the 15th of February , I am a mother of 2 (a 2 and a half year old and a 1 year old - just got a full time nanny for them 2 months ago) - I currently weigh 249 pounds and I am about 5'5"...

Yesterday I went out with my husband and he said he doesn't support my decision of doing this operation (even though we have been talking about this for the past few months - he has always said that he prefers that I didn't do it and it was ultimately up to me) and that he will not be part of my support system (as he puts it : if I'm going to do this to myself, I better be prepared to go through the consequences on my own) that freaked me out ... I am actually crying while I'm writing this... Didn't cry in front of him though...

My question is : can I do this on my own? Is the pain after the operation unbearable that I need help after the 4 day stay in the hospital?

I appreciate real answers - it's ok I'm a big girl I can handle it.

I did it on my own. I don't have little ones at home, just a cat. I was fortunate enough that I didn't have any pain post-op. I did all my prep and was able to tend to my cats feeding, litter box cleaning etc.... on my own. As for your spouse, it may be fear. As long as he doesn't sabotage you by trying to tempt you with foods you shouldn't have you should be fine.

Sorry you're having to face this. I agree with the others. You CAN do this! There could be a multitude of reasons for your husband's attitude, but the only one who knows him and probably has the best idea is you. Regardless, this is about living a longer, healthier life! I would think that anyone who truly loves you will get on board...especially if they have NO OTHER option!

I am in the same situation as you. My husband is not supportive at all. Currently, he is working overseas and I am in US. We Skype every day. He asked me today," So how long will it take for you to eat around this surgery?" He did not want me to have it in the first place and now he is thinking that I will gain the weight back.

I had my surgery on 2/13, so I am 4 days post op. I do have the support of my mother, but that's it. The lack of support makes me even more determined to be successful. I will show my husband that I will lose all my excess weight and keep it off.

I have pretty much done everything on my own without a problem. Best of luck to you!

I am in the same situation as you. My husband is not supportive at all. Currently, he is working overseas and I am in US. We Skype every day. He asked me today," So how long will it take for you to eat around this surgery?" He did not want me to have it in the first place and now he is thinking that I will gain the weight back.

I had my surgery on 2/13, so I am 4 days post op. I do have the support of my mother, but that's it. The lack of support makes me even more determined to be successful. I will show my husband that I will lose all my excess weight and keep it off.

I have pretty much done everything on my own without a problem. Best of luck to you!

WOW! That is worse than unsupportive. Sorry you have to deal with that.

This must be a common occurrence. My husband can be an insensitive asshole too. He likes to criticize my choices as being too impulsive and unnecessary. In the end, we don't live our lives for our spouses and while we may love them and want their support, we don't have to have it in order to succeed. Eventually they will either come around or they won't and sometimes relationships can be damaged as a result. I have a tendency not to consult my husband before I make decisions because generally he's not supportive. But to be fair I sometimes just don't want to hear what he has to say because I don't want him to rain on my parade. So good luck to you and keep posting on here so that we but can continue to watch your journey I don't know about you but I'm super excited!! And those hubbies...well they can kiss our skinny asses!

I am thinking being single could be an advantage.

We will all be here to support you! You can do this girl, hold or head high, and be strong.

I've had two husbands: One was an asshole, the other is a saint.

I like the saint a helluva lot better!

I've had two husbands: One was an a*****e, the other is a saint.

I like the saint a helluva lot better!

Hehehe well said!

Hehehe well said!

hi Jill I'm new to all this can u please explain to me how I post my own stuff like questions and where to go I'm so confused lol

I honestly can't see staying with someone who is so unsupportive of something of this nature. I'm so sad to see so many unsupportive spouses. I also wonder how many of these spouses are generally controlling people by nature.

I hope it's just because of his own insecurity about losing you that made him say that and he will turn around. Is he overweight as well?

You got this.

Hope your surgery went well

he is feeling threatened, my husband and i have been married 39 years and he is pretty much the same. love yourself and carryon, this isn't about him its about you.

I have 2 things to say. 1 about your surgery and 2 about your husbands comments.

1: You CAN do this. This may be a good time to re-build your support network. Family, Friends, co-workers, neighbors anyone... those who love you will support you. and even if its just a few... or just you. YOU CAN DO THIS.

2. My favorite Quote from Maya Angelou is this:

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

― Maya Angelou

We tell who we are mostly by what we DO. Your husband may be scared...but what he said was extremely selfish and hurtful. He may be afraid you'll leave him. You will be more attractive and have MANY more options.. he may be afraid that you'll find someone better... and truth be told. he may be right. but what he really did was tell you WHO he is. Listen to him and as you grow healthier, and stronger. And your outer visage begins to more accurately reflect your inner person... he will either get better, as a man, a father and husband.... OR life will present you with OPTIONS!

GOOD LUCK!!!