So, I am hanging out right at my goal weight, which is higher than my lowest weight. I knew this was very likely to happen and so on the one hand, i am okay with it, but on the other hand, I feel fatigued by it. I know that I need to stabilize/re-lose a few pounds to keep that "cushion" between me and the 200s or 300s.... but I grow tired of it sometimes

In the past, that seemed very do-able. Buckle down, go back to basics, do Protein first, do 5:2, change up exercise. For whatever reason, right now, while it seems possible I had one of those pity parties where I asked myself what is fair about me eating a pittance of food, spinning on my bike and yet still struggling to keep a normal weight. I watch others eat a whole lot more than me and I sometimes want to eat with abandon too. The thought crossed my mind... is this REALLY worth it?!??!???

Then, I thought about the people I was comparing my eating to. Example - I went into the office yesterday and did a day long workshop so got to see people eat lunches - large portions and of course Cookies for snack later. The two ladies i sat next to are considerably younger than me - one is obese and the other is morbidly obese by my judgement. I had to remind myself that they are still healthy, but they are heading down my former path and I cannot let myself go back or else i go back to feeling ill, feeling like i was becoming disabled, feeling hopeless.

Anyway, it is worth it, but this is the first time I have ever really questioned it. I think I understand a bit more why people regain years out from surgery. We all know that you have to maintain a healthy lifestyle etc but I am telling you - my experience is that "lifestyle changes" UNDERSTATES the level of effort required. I don't even really eat junk food, but I still need to really watch what I eat - this is beyond "healthy choices" this is eating very small, eating the right things very consistently or else I will regain. This whole thing about an average healthy woman needing 1800-2000 calories a day to maintain is bogus. i don't eat anywhere near that and I know many of my fellow vets that are maintaining don't either.

So, as I used to say, but haven't in awhile...."carry on... what choice do we really have?"

The surgery has been very very worth it -don't get me wrong - saved my life. I am finding it hard to maintain that BMI of 23-25 which is a very ideal range vanity wise.

Correct! With a regain of about 15 pounds over the last year (4 1/2 years out) got totally depressed when I was taking a quiz online and my BMI was 25.5! Wow! 25.5 ( used to be 39!) and it said OVERWEIGHT! Whaaa??! 25and below is Normal. Sometimes it does get a little overwhelming but as said, carry on!! Learn better skills and do it!

I think this reality is critical to face and understand. It's very hard to be a grown up and really face this:

1) At 5'2 and 41 years old, I probably only need 1100 calories in maintenance mode and need to be under 1000 to lose

2) There is very little room for carbs, sweets or treats

3) food cannot be the answer to joy, celebration or sorrow

4) It is possible to out-eat your exercise and graze through your sleeve restriction

If we treat these realities like gross deprivation and loss and a sense of self-pity: we will probably not be able to maintain this. If we replace some of these "losses" with other exciting and joyful things in life, we stand a chance.

To me, this is a total brain re-train (and heart). As the Good Book says, "For where your treasure is, so your heart will be also."

What an awesome, sensible, wise and welcome post! Thank you.

I wish you would pipe up more often.

I think this reality is critical to face and understand. It's very hard to be a grown up and really face this:

1) At 5'2 and 41 years old, I probably only need 1100 calories in maintenance mode and need to be under 1000 to lose

2) There is very little room for carbs, sweets or treats

3) food cannot be the answer to joy, celebration or sorrow

4) It is possible to out-eat your exercise and graze through your sleeve restriction

If we treat these realities like gross deprivation and loss and a sense of self-pity: we will probably not be able to maintain this. If we replace some of these "losses" with other exciting and joyful things in life, we stand a chance.

To me, this is a total brain re-train (and heart). As the Good Book says, "For where your treasure is, so your heart will be also."

All true. I think we know all of that. There is a difference between knowing it and being at peace with it ALL the time. The first year is easy. Settling in to maintenance is a little different. Motivation has to come from a different place, other than the instant and constant gratification of weight loss. I've found that my sleeve has changed over time, and hunger has returned to some degree. A 1 year sleeve is different than a 2 year sleeve, and I'm certain it continues to change for some time. That's probably why statistically, regain happens around that time.

I think it's normal to get a little despondent at times at the thought of the tremendous amount of effort and focus it's going to take to stay at this place we all love - normal! Good for you if it's as simple as facing and understanding the facts about what it takes to lose and maintain, but I find it to be much more complex than that.

I find that sometimes its easier, sometimes its harder. Some days it's easy to revel in the joy of what I've accomplished and it's enough to keep me going. Other times, not so much. I'm human. I just do the best I can, but I'm under no illusion that accepting the known facts safeguard me against regain. All of those same things were true before WLS, too.....yet here we all are.

Yeah Michigan chic you got it. I have filled my life with wonderful more meaningful things and pleasures and yet sometimes I just want to eat...old habits old demons never really gone just sometimes more solidly beaten into submission than other times.

Such a relavint topic CGJane. I just realized I was 4 years out three days ago. HURRAY! I also am finding that if I exactly copy the way I re-lost 22 pounds a little over a year ago... (which I am doing at this time trying to get off an 8 pound regain) I am not losing weight. . I may need to do it a little longer to see some downward movement, or I may need to eat less cals, and/or less carbs or exercise more than before. Too bad, so sad! It is what it is though, and all I have to do is ask myself "do i want to go back to mindless eating and the consequences?" NO. Im just not sure yet how I need to reinvent my behavior to get down off those 8 extra pounds! I have always wanted to only make changes that I think I can live with. We are a brave lot ladys and gents! ...Going into this dark night! I may need to go from the 5:2 to the 4:3...... (no happy face here)

Oh yes, I agree it's easy to think all these things in our brain but to really retrain the heart...this is hard. I am transitioning now to year 2 and dealing with this realization (and dread) that I do kind of feel like I am dieting every day forever. There are days I get really down about this and feel very sad and sometimes mad (I don't know at who or what). When it comes down to it, and I am very honest, I am just really not a grown up in this area. At my core, I really do want to just eat what I want and have no consequences...I've just got the maturity of a child in this particular area.

And this is what I will be working on in year 2: accepting that this is going to be very hard. Accepting that I kind of am on a diet every day forever and that's OK. Accepting some amount of hunger. Accepting some amount of deprivation. Accepting that other thin women of my age also deal with this.

My battle plan includes coming here, going to my therapist, prayer, vigilance, getting back up after falls, being kind to myself, continuing to move, avoiding triggers of loneliness and boredom and not succumbing to my underlying fear of failure. I am appropriately scared about the changes in year 2, 3, 4 and beyond. I don't have a secure sense of my new "thin" future. I worry all the time about backsliding and wonder how I will fight the demons as CGJane so wisely says.

@@HumanMerelyBeing yeah, I've been pretty pouty about the whole thing this week, lol. I vacillate between being kind to myself and kicking my own rear end. I also just really worry about my ability to maintain for the long term. I think much differently now than the first year. I knew it was a lifestyle change and would always be work, but I also couldn't fathom how things would change over time. I thought the physical changes from the surgery would be more permanent than they actually are. So I now know there is more to come. More changes that I don't see coming, and not sure that I'll be equipped to deal with. Surgery was totally worth it to me, and I'd do it again, but it really is unchartered Water for each of us. I always try to remember it's a lot more fun being thin and hungry than fat and hungry from the perpetual failed diet. That usually perks me up.

I've found maintenance is about 300% harder than the honeymoon stage. But nothing good ever came easy.

The only easy day was yesterday, and the monkey is always on our backs.