I am 34 and have a daughter that is 5. I just re-started my classes through Kaiser (had to start over after going though a divorce and losing insurance). Anyways, My mom has recently decided to move back to California and will be living with me for a few months until she can find a place on her own. This just happens to be happing during the time I plan on having my surgery

I ran the idea past her about 2 years ago when I was first considering it and lets just say she was no way near supportive. Now that I have decided to go through with it I don't plan on telling her. I had planned on going to a hotel or something for the first few days to a week until I can heal up but I'm wondering what I'm going to do to explain of my new eating habits?

The good thing is my surgery will be right around the new year so it will be easy to explain the weight loss off as a "new years resolution"...like all the ones I have made in the past lol. I just don't know how to explain why I'm eating like a rabbit lol

Anyone out there not tell a soul? I plan on relying on support groups and a meet up group I found online.

My mom was not supportive at first, but I finally told her how much I weighed and that I have to do something or she will outlive me. That changed her tune and quickly. So far, I have only told my mom (and dad) and my husband that I have started the process. I have several family members who had varying procedures and none of them have kept off the weight (did not follow the eating plan) so I do not want the negative feedback. I have told some online friends, but only a few.

I think it is up to each person who they tell.

I didn't tell anyone but my mother, and that was only because I needed her to pick me up from the hospital, and watch my son. She was very supportive, but believe me if it was up to me nobody would know. It's my business, nobody else's. I have no regrets. I just tell people I'm watching what I eat. When I go out to eat with friends, I lie and say "Man, I shouldn't have ate before I came", after only eating a few bites. It will be hard with her living with you, you may have to come clean. My own mother (although supportive), was acting like the flippin food police! Are you sure you can eat that? Can you eat that now? Uhg, I finally had to tell her to cut it OUT!

I'm keeping it a secret, but from my job! Now, I don't talk about it with my family but they know!

I lie and say "Man, I shouldn't have ate before I came", after only eating a few bites.

Oooh I love it! Thats a good excuse, especially when the waiter asks if there is something wrong with the food.

If anyone asks how I lost all that weight, I tell them, "Clean living, diet, exercise.... and bariatric surgery." Usually gets a laugh – and most people are fascinated by it.

I am keeping mine a secret from my dad. My spouse knows. My best friends know. Everyone else just knows I'm having my hiatal hernia fixed. That is true, I am, and I've always had stomach problems. I think it's private and I don't want the world knowing about it!

So my mom came out for thanksgiving and I decided to try to have the talk with her again....it actually went well this go round. She's still not Pro surgery but she understands that I do need to do something. She told me that her not wanting me to have the surgery is more about fear of something going wrong, which I can totally understand. We joked that I'll be there guinea pig and go first and maybe she'll go next lol. I feel much better now.

I decided not to share my decision with anybody except husband and few friends. My children (all girls) would tear me apart (2 in college and 25yr old in army).

I'm a LOW BMI'er 36 and African American. Most would think I'm just right/phat/thick but they don't have understand the comorbidities I struggle with daily.

I decided not to share my decision with anybody except husband and few friends. My children (all girls) would tear me apart (2 in college and 25yr old in army).

I'm a LOW BMI'er 36 and African American. Most would think I'm just right/phat/thick but they don't have understand the comorbidities I struggle with daily.

I think a lot of people don't understand comobidities if they have never been In the situation. Good for you!

I was not wanting to tell my mom. She is 88 and very opinionated, especially where I am concerned. My sister told me I needed to tell her because if anything happened or she found out later, she would be devastated. She surprised me with her support, however, I told her this was very private to me and I did not want her to tell anyone. I would like to be the one to share my journey with who I choose which is very limited. She assured me she understood. My mother then shared it with my brother and sister who I would NEVER have told. I am really upset with her and sorry I told her!

I was not wanting to tell my mom. She is 88 and very opinionated, especially where I am concerned. My sister told me I needed to tell her because if anything happened or she found out later, she would be devastated. She surprised me with her support, however, I told her this was very private to me and I did not want her to tell anyone. I would like to be the one to share my journey with who I choose which is very limited. She assured me she understood. My mother then shared it with my brother and sister who I would NEVER have told. I am really upset with her and sorry I told her!

I am sorry you had that experience. Doesn't it just piss you off when people do that? My father in law is like that. I was pregnant when I got married and we asked him (as a courtesy) not to tell anyone. He went ahead and told "only" his mom, who told everyone she knew. He knew she would do it too. Then he has the audacity to turn around and say he's the best secret keeper there is (i.e. "I was the only one Billy Joe told about what happened to him in Vietnam, because he knew he could trust me..."). Some people have no consideration whatsoever for others.

It's very hard being related to some of the people we're related to. Some of them are people we would have NEVER chosen to have in our lives. But because of blood we're stuck with the relationships.

So has it ever been. But that doesn't make it easy.

I told a few people that I was thinking about it and they made rude comments all of them. So my mom and daughters are the only ones who know. I told everyone else it wasn't covered by insurance and I'll just have to stick to my diet. It really is hard that my family won't be more supportive. At least I know I am doing this for me and I have tried my best for three years but am not able to get this weight off. I am so ready for this new journey to begin. Only a few months to go.

I had a "secret lap band" in 2008 and it was REALLY hard not telling people. only my parents and husband knew of the surgery. The fact that everybody knows me for my hefty eating habits made me self conscious during holidays and dinners with friends and family. This made me try to be discrete and I would eat more than I should have with did not help me in the long run. My band slipped during my last pregnancy (less than 1 year post-op) and I've had reflux issues and weight gain. Now I weigh more than I did at 9 months pregnant and I'm preparing for a revision surgery to get the sleeve after the band comes out. I don't want to hide this surgery, I don't want to come up with excuses for not eating, not being hungry and actually even eating more than I should. Who cares what people say, EVEN IF IT YOUR MOTHER, we are adults and this is a medical decision for our health.

Edited January 15, 201511 yr by chunckylady

this is too funny... in your case, these people don't deserve your confidence... Best of luck in your journey

I've only told husband and two kids, who basically needed to know because they live with me. I haven't told my parents, haven't outright told my co-workers, my brother, etc.

My parents and brother would probably be really supportive, but I didn't want to because I felt this was my own thing and none of their business (we're a dysfunctional family, very long story). My mom has actually been asking me to get a surgery like this for some time and my brother's wife confessed to me she will be getting this surgery. So I know I'm in good company, even if they don't have a clue what I'm doing.

I forbade my husband from telling his family, and will have to Force choke him if he does :-P His father, in particular, is sexist and judgmental, and I absolutely don't feel like fielding his questions/ignorant insinuations as to Why were you so lazy and didn't just diet and exercise? and I don't want my tax dollars to pay for your $XXX procedure, damn Obamacare blah blah blah