He told me that I limit our relationship and that he is tired of waiting for me to lose weight. I am not banded yet, but hopefully will be in the next few months. I told him to go find a girlfriend that is not limited by her weight. I am very hurt...and feel like I am worthless b/c I am fat. He has no clue how hard it is to be over 400 pounds and addicted to food. All of this because he wants to go to Disney World next year. And we can't go if I don't lose weight. We can't do a lot of things he wants to do b/c of my weight. He probably thinks this will encourage me...when it makes me want to go grab some chips and stuff my mouth.

I had to vent....I am just very very hurt by all of this...

Pardon my lack of political correctness, but I'd tell this man to kiss my fat ass and I would do whatever it took to take myself back from the depths of low self esteem and hiding myself beneath the comfort blanket of food. THEN, I'd take myself and my NEW boyfriend to Disney World and send pics later..

There are LOTS of things more important than a trip to Disney World. Your health and renewed vigor for life, specifically.__________________

As for Mark, I doubt very seriously that he was intending to be hurtful. While his comments are often direct and even sometimes caustic, in reading his post, it seems to me that he is imploring this young lady to take control of her health. Sometimes it takes something other than sympathy or 'nicey nicey' to bring a point home. Being a victim generally just keeps us spinning our wheels when what we need is action.

Cajun... Dump the pig and have the lapband surgery, but do it for YOU. A guy who will say hurtful things to you now will never change. Even if you loose weight he'll find something else to complain about. Sounds like his selfishness is bigger than his character.

As for you Mark.... you are and idiot. You are cruel and I find it pathetic that you seem to find pleasure in saying hurtful things to someone who is already hurting and just wants some encouragment. If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your fingers in your lap and don't type! I hope the monitors of this forum delete your post.

Cathy

Cathy I really feel Mark's post was very heartfelt and full of concern. It is a very dire situation for this young lady. Of course we all wish only the best for her, but we can't turn away from the truth. We all had our own personal dire truth that we have all had to face.

Susannah

I was a little bit shocked that Mark would try and sway her away from getting the lapband surgery. I doubt he's qualified to tell her if a lapband would be the way to go or not. There's several people on here that were in the 400's when they got lapband. I was 393 when I got mine. It's working! Also too I don't think you should sway a person away from it if they say they have a food addiction. Don't we all have food issues? Isn't that what got us here??? Having the band has forced me to see my issues with food and correct them. It's still a daily battle but it's one I'm finally winning!

Cajun, I'd drop the zero and be a hero to yourself! Easier said then done but I think you're still young and you need to take this time to work on yourself and after you've gotten the band and worked hard and lost the weight then I'd find someone who's amazing to you and deserves your love. I'd rather be alone anyday then with someone that makes me feel bad. Good luck hon!

Thank you all for responding. We have been together almost 3 years. Last night he told me he was sorry for hurting my feelings. He just wants me to be happy and enjoy life without the weight dragging me down. That is what I want exactly! I am lucky that even over 400 pounds, I don't have any serious health problems...yet. I have to lose this weight soon or I will. I have another appointment tomorrow with the Lap-Band surgeon. Hopefully I will get a surgery date. (Please say a prayer that I do.) As for my food addiction, I am taking it one day at a time. Again, thank you all for giving me your feedback and support.

When are you getting banded. I have seen a lot of people your size be able to lose 100 lbs in a year. You will be fine at Disney World if you do that. Good luck.

Thank you all for responding. We have been together almost 3 years. Last night he told me he was sorry for hurting my feelings. He just wants me to be happy and enjoy life without the weight dragging me down. That is what I want exactly! I am lucky that even over 400 pounds, I don't have any serious health problems...yet. I have to lose this weight soon or I will. I have another appointment tomorrow with the Lap-Band surgeon. Hopefully I will get a surgery date. (Please say a prayer that I do.) As for my food addiction, I am taking it one day at a time. Again, thank you all for giving me your feedback and support.

Hi Cajun! I'm glad you and your BF got things sorted out. I think I know what he's saying in some respect. My husband is 430lbs and it affects his life in every way. He can't sit in booths, he breaks furniture, he has trouble sleeping, he has to get belt extenders on the plane, he gets made fun of by insensitve kids, he gets winded and breaks a sweat with the simplest of tasks. He recently started walking with me and can only go it a block at a time right now. Its sad, because I see a wonderful, caring, handsom, man of integrity. All he can see is his fat. It really "gets in the way" of our relationship. He feels so terrible about himself that it keeps us from doing things we would otherwise be doing. Sometimes its a matter of him not physically being able to do it, other times it's too embarrassing for him to do it...like go to Disney and ride a scooter around the parks. We're going to Disney in March 08. We are fully expecting 100 pounds to be gone off of him and 75 off of me! No scooters for us! We're going to ride the rides with our kids and walk their little feets off!!! You will too!

I think after being together for 3 years, your BF loves you for you. Now start loving yourself and take care of your health. Maybe I'll see you in Disney!!! Best of luck to you!

As for Mark, I doubt very seriously that he was intending to be hurtful. While his comments are often direct and even sometimes caustic, in reading his post, it seems to me that he is imploring this young lady to take control of her health. Sometimes it takes something other than sympathy or 'nicey nicey' to bring a point home. Being a victim generally just keeps us spinning our wheels when what we need is action.

What she said...... A bit of tough love and all the directness of a guy. We all need it once in a while (at least I do)

As for your BF Cajun: I agree that you should kick him to the curb... he is an ass and will continue to be so.. ESPECIALLY when you start losing weight.. he will then feel threatened and even more insecure than he does right now, and if you quit being his victim he will just get more hurtful! LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM GO AWAY!

OOPS sorry for not reading the entire thread before posting........ but please aware.. he is a sabatour waiting to happen... be strong when/if it happens.

I don't see that Mark said anything cruel or out of line. Maybe because he and I are older and have had a few more life experiences we see things a little differently.

Whether the BF's words can be taken as "mean" or not depends on the spirit in which they were said. It may well be that he is doing what many of you are telling Cajun to do.....he may be looking out for himself and his quality of life and future. His life actually is being 'limited' by her disability, and he has to decide if he wants to give up the lifestyle that he wants and deserves because of that. He has a decision to make about his future, too.

I spent the last two decades as an obese woman; the last 10 years have been very hard on my whole family because I have been so 'limited' in what I could or would do.....no outdoor activities together (Mama gets too hot)...no long drives together (Mama's back hurts)...no movies/concerts together (Mama can't fit in the seats)...no family reunions (Mama's embarassed to be seen)....Grandma has to go to the nursing home (Mama's too fat to take care of her)....etc etc. You get the picture. It was not just my disability - it was everybody's.

Sweetie, I do hope you can find the right solution for you and can get control of your life and your future. I don't agree with Mark that the LapBand is not an option....anything that works is an option at this point.....and I hope you can get what you need soon. Not only for you but for all the people that love you and that you want to include in your future.

((Best wishes))

Tell him to grow up for cripes sake! Disney will still be there when you reach a comfortable weight to visit it!

People can be so damn cruel....my ex Mother In Law use to take my Sister In Law shopping all the time....of course they would do nice shops where she could treat my SIL to a few nice things to wear.....and me, she'd take nowhere but to her back porch where we'd sit and drink black tea and eat celery and carrots......just plain cruel I tell ya.

Carol