Telling about surgery

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@kimpossible67 I know that your intentions are good trying to get people to as you put it "return to normal", but you have to understand that you're dealing with grown folks here and as much as you would like for the conversation to be different, you cannot control it. If I were you I would just move on to something else and let these people do whatever they want to do. You'll keep a lot more of your hair by not worrying about it.

[thesuse2000 698]

Sigh... as much as I'd like to move on from this, I'm not comfortable leaving this out there without a proper response...

These examples are not relevant to this discussion. People don't generally ask others if they use viagra, conceived their children through fertility treatments, whether they've gotten boob jobs or what their gender is. If they did, and the topic wasn't something the questioned person was comfortable discussing, I would think a blank stare would be the proper response rather than a yes or no answer. If someone chose to answer those questions, and their response was not the truth, than yes, that would be a lie.

Saying something is a lie is not the same as judging the person making the lie or characterizing that person as a liar or dishonest. But when a person says something that is not true, one is saying a lie. This is not complicated.

Contrary to these examples, what we, or at least I (I won't claim to speak for all others on this thread) are talking about is when someone is asked how they lost weight and the questioned person responds by saying that they did it with diet and exercise and leaves out the fact that they had bariatric surgery.

This is different from the examples you gave which represent highly sensitive personal questions. Weight loss is not nearly as sensitive a topic as the ones in your examples, and it is highly common in our culture for people to discuss weight loss tips.

So, if a person asks someone how they lost weight, the questioned person could respond in three basic categories of response:

1 - they could tell the truth and disclose that their bariatric surgery played a role in their weight loss

2 - they could refrain from supplying an answer to the question - change the topic, say they'd rather not discuss it, or say something vague like they developed a plan with their doctor, etc. Or if they feel this is a shockingly personal question comparable to your examples above they could give the questioner a blank stare and walk away (to be clear - the responses outlined in this bucket of responses are not lies).

3 - they could lie and answer by saying that they are just dieting and exercising more, without mention of the surgery which was the obvious critical factor in their success

You're wrong.

Do you expect men who use Viagra to tell people they have a little help in the boudoir or are they lying?

Do you expect parents with fertility problems to let others know they used artificial insemination or is that also a lie?

Perhaps women who are complimented on their figure should let the world know they've had a boob job, or you know, they are lying.

Transgender people should give full disclosure instead of trying to live a normal life, because they really SHOULD be fighting that stigma. Or you know, they are lying, too.

Whatever. Judge me as a liar all you want for not telling everyone who asks about my weight loss surgery. It's actually people like you that prevent me from wanting to do so. So thanks. After all, you ARE the expert at this, right?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

These examples are VERY relevant. People don't generally ask if one has had WLS, so why must I supply that information or be called a liar?

To YOU this topic might not be as sensitive, but you are not me or anyone else. I'm not sure that you or Steve or anyone else can speak for me. In fact, I'm pretty sure you can't.

Like Steve, I "appreciate" your opinion on acceptable responses from me along with your judgement of my level of honesty.

[Stevehud 1,790]

Lipstick lady, since from day one I was never talking to you, why did you pick this fight? Are you so angry with your life that you have to attack me? You baseless attacks are pissing me off and I do not piss off easily.

SERIOUSLY you brought transgender people into this? ANd men on Viagra? And artificial insemination?

ARE YOU HIGH!

Why can you not read this? WHY WHY WHY can you not read when I say this.

I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY HAD THE SURGERY, I WOULD RATHER they TELL THEM TO MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS , that's the fourth damn time I have posted that statement. I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU DO OR SAY. That's the fifth time I have posted that.

Maybe you only understand your own analogies, if so here: If someone asks a couple if they made their kid naturally ( I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SOMEONE WOULD EVER THINK TO ASK THIS ) Would normally reply with silence or "mind your own business>" BTW Men don't hide Viagra, we don't care! To be blunt a hard on is a hard on, and no one asks where it came from. Your argument is as ridiculous as why you attack me! You cannot take the fact that you are not who I was talking to. you poked your head in and refuse to actually read the posts i send. I never said you lie , that you lied or anything like that, but you refuse to let it go, you have to attack me over and over ignoring everything I say.

Have you always been a bully? Because you are sure acting like one. I made a generalization and you just assumed somehow I was accusing you. Then when I tell you FIVE TIMES that it had nothing to do with you, you refuse to let it be.

Oh and to Greeneyes 604 - Great job egging other people on. You're a credit to instigators everywhere.

BTW having WLS does not make you an expert any more than someone having brain surgery becomes a brain surgeon, or someone who beats cancer becomes an oncologist.

[jems 36]

Comparing someone that can see you lose weight and asking how you did it, and if your neighbor can get erections on his own is obsurd. That is where I don't see the relevance. People can see weightloss and are curious, they may not flat out ask about WLS, but they may..

I for one don't go asking people about their sex life, but I have asked about weightloss.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Lipstick lady, since from day one I was never talking to you, why did you pick this fight? Are you so angry with your life that you have to attack me? You baseless attacks are pissing me off and I do not piss off easily.

SERIOUSLY you brought transgender people into this? ANd men on Viagra? And artificial insemination?

ARE YOU HIGH!

Why can you not read this? WHY WHY WHY can you not read when I say this.

I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY HAD THE SURGERY, I WOULD RATHER they TELL THEM TO MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS , that's the fourth damn time I have posted that statement. I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU DO OR SAY. That's the fifth time I have posted that.

Maybe you only understand your own analogies, if so here: If someone asks a couple if they made their kid naturally ( I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SOMEONE WOULD EVER THINK TO ASK THIS ) Would normally reply with silence or "mind your own business>" BTW Men don't hide Viagra, we don't care! To be blunt a hard on is a hard on, and no one asks where it came from. Your argument is as ridiculous as why you attack me! You cannot take the fact that you are not who I was talking to. you poked your head in and refuse to actually read the posts i send. I never said you lie , that you lied or anything like that, but you refuse to let it go, you have to attack me over and over ignoring everything I say.

Have you always been a bully? Because you are sure acting like one. I made a generalization and you just assumed somehow I was accusing you. Then when I tell you FIVE TIMES that it had nothing to do with you, you refuse to let it be.

Oh and to Greeneyes 604 - Great job egging other people on. You're a credit to instigators everywhere.

BTW having WLS does not make you an expert any more than someone having brain surgery becomes a brain surgeon, or someone who beats cancer becomes an oncologist.

Ok.

Edited November 16, 2014 by LipstickLady

[GreenEyes604 753]

@@Stevehud OK hold up just one damn minute! I CANNOT and WILL NOT take responsibility for ANYBODY'S damn actions. These are grown ass people that say and do whatever the hell they want! Egg somebody on? ARE YOU FU*KING KIDDING ME?? I have not held a gun to anyone's head in this thread and made them type anything. I have not put anything into anyone's mouth or brain insinuating that they write any damn thing.

Not only are you an idiot, but you are absolutely CLUELESS about what is going on in the real world. You talk out the side of your neck, and rationalize like a pea brain.

No I'm not attacking you right now, I'm DEFENDING ME!! You're a jerk of the biggest kind, and the very last thing that I have to say to you is, "Don't come for me unless I send for you, because you WILL mess around and get your feelings hurt BAD!!!" Now as far as I am concerned you are dismissed and no longer worth my time (not that you ever were)!

[Stevehud 1,790]

I do not understand. I am totally lost. no one has said you should announce to anyone about your surgery but you keep saying it over and over and over and over and over and over and over ad infinitum! All that is being said is its a lie if a person ( not you understand not you , not you, not you) if a person says something UNTRUE then that statement is a LIE.

you keep denying that FACT. so here say what you will after this. Personally I am disgusted by you, disgusted that you do nothing but attack someone over and over because you disagree with how they wish to help people. So say what you wish after this I will not even read it. I would ask that you ignore me and never read or post a thread I have started. I am glad you and greeneyes are so happy bullying people and making things up, but I find it appalling. Have a good life.

[Stevehud 1,790]

@@LipstickLady PREACH!!!!

this isn't egging on?

[thesuse2000 698]

You didn't read my full post - did you? First of all - we're talking about the question of how you lost weight, not - did you have WLS. Second - no one is saying that if you are asked if you had WLS that you need to answer that question. There are a million ways for a person to decline to answer a question that they are asked, especially if they find it inappropriate and intrusive. I gave a few examples above in fact. You're giving examples of inappropriate questions that anyone could decline to answer, and yet your stance is that you do in fact want to answer the question - but without including the truth. Cake and eat it too?

And I'm judging your honesty?? You keep accusing me of judging people when I have not done that once in this thread. You are the one who keep mischaracterizing me as a judger.

These examples are VERY relevant. People don't generally ask if one has had WLS, so why must I supply that information or be called a liar?

To YOU this topic might not be as sensitive, but you are not me or anyone else. I'm not sure that you or Steve or anyone else can speak for me. In fact, I'm pretty sure you can't.

Like Steve, I "appreciate" your opinion on acceptable responses from me along with your judgement of my level of honesty.

Edited November 16, 2014 by thesuse2000

[Stevehud 1,790]

@@BaseballMamma very well said! Maybe he'll get the message if it comes from someone other than me, because he's hatin' on me something fierce.

I actually think he's sort of funny and pathetic at the same time

or this one?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

You didn't read my full post - did you? First of all - we're talking about the question of how you lost weight, not - did you have WLS. Second - no one is saying that if you are asked if you had WLS that you need to answer that question. There are a million ways for a person to decline to answer a question that they are asked, especially if they find it inappropriate and intrusive. I gave a few examples above in fact. You're giving examples of inappropriate questions that anyone could decline to answer, and yet your stance is that you do in fact want to answer the question - but without including the truth. Cake and eat it too?

Ok.

[Stevehud 1,790]

@@LipstickLady Oh sistagirl, let the ENTIRE church say AMEN!!!

or this

[Mrs. Reid 392]

OK, I think the only proper response in this situation is to report Steve and thesus2000 to the administrators of this board. I have already done so and the more people who do the more likely they will be to get kicked off.

Secondly, I suspect that both of them are getting off on fighting the fight. They are drawing energy from the conflict. Therefore, it is best to ignore such people. Let them say whatever they have to say and don't respond. Don't let them make you lower your emotional vibration down to their level. If they make any more posts DON'T RESPOND, simply report them as being abusive and maintain your positive supportive attitude.

[Elode 8,093]

????

Edited November 19, 2014 by Elode