When you can't even be honest with yourself

[jacileggs 402]

While I personally agree with the OP, I respect everyone's right to privacy. Not everyone wants to discuss their personal business. I have lost just over 100lbs. Multiple times a day people notice and comment on it. I tell them thank you for noticing. If they ask how I did it. I tell them. I took nutrition classes and then had gastric bypass surgery. I haven't had anyone give any negative feedback. I have also inspired two people to look into getting it for themselves. Which I am proud of. If I hadn't told them I had it they would probably have never looked into it for themselves. So for me this is the right choice. I respect the fact that not everyone is comfortable with sharing their journey and that is their choice.

[Babbs 14,680]

Makes me sad to hear of so many people who have been hurt....not supported by loved ones. I feel so blessed that every soul I have talked to about my WLS and plastics (skin removal reconstruction after massive weight loss) has been either enthusiastic supporter or good sense to remain silent. What the heck is wrong with people? ?

I am of the mindset that you teach people how to treat you. If you make it clear that you are not going to put up with people's disrespectful bullsh*t, then MOST of the time they will either respond respectfully or keep quiet. I have found this telling my friends, family and Co workers. It's too bad it only took me 47 years to get to that point

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@Babbs, it took me 53 but at least I got there.

[mimi5757 7]

What I don't understand is why some feel its okay to ask you such personal questions in the first place! I'm talking about the "looky loos" .......casual acquaintances /co-workers who seem to think they have a right to know your business

[sassyd1999 23]

@deedadumble. I think this subject comes up because people who choose to tell others about their decision to have WLS appear to be judging those who chose not to tell.

I totally agree! !!!

[jjinWA 511]

I totally agree! !!!

. I second that!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

The dilemma is weighing the potential negative outcome of full disclosure against the perpetuation of WLS and obesity stigma and myths. Because with the stigma comes the embarrassment and shame a lot of obese people feel, and shouldn't have to. Those that choose not to disclose will forever be the example of how much weight you can lose by simply exercising and eating less.

To me, the fundamental issue here is that just because someone asks, they are NOT entitled to know the answer. I find it absurd that it could be regarded as not truthful to not give out information just because someone asks! When asked the question about how I lost the weight, I'll usually respond "with a lot of hard work" and change the subject. I don't want to get into the details of my personal health and weight loss. That's my right. To imply we don't have the right to withhold our personal information from either nosy or well meaning people is just wrong. I think the people who have responded here have given a myriad of reasons why they don't want to tell, and blaming that behavior for somehow causing or adding to the shaming of obesity is missing the mark. That implication only serves to further shame.

[mimi5757 7]

To me, the fundamental issue here is that just because someone asks, they are NOT entitled to know the answer. I find it absurd that it could be regarded as not truthful to not give out information just because someone asks! When asked the question about how I lost the weight, I'll usually respond "with a lot of hard work" and change the subject. I don't want to get into the details of my personal health and weight loss. That's my right. To imply we don't have the right to withhold our personal information from either nosy or well meaning people is just wrong. I think the people who have responded here have given a myriad of reasons why they don't want to tell, and blaming that behavior for somehow causing or adding to the shaming of obesity is missing the mark. That implication only serves to further shame.

Well said MichiganChic!!!

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Lots of good points here! Everyone's reasons for telling or not telling are personal and they are entitled to that! I like the idea of this forum because we all have something in common and we should be able to speak freely about weight loss surgery! Unfortunately, there's still ridicule and wagging fingers if things aren't done exactly how some think it ought to be done.

Just because I choose not to share my truth doesn't in any way shape or form mean I'm lying to myself. And just because I had WLS does not mean I'm obligated to be an advocate for it. WLS isn't some big secret that people don't know about. If it's something they are interested in they will find their way without me introducing the procedure to them. If I am in a conversation where one shares their interest in having it done, I will share my experience.

We've all gone through a lot to be where we are. No matter where you are in your journey, be proud of yourself for taking control of your life. Don't allow anyone to shame you for your decisions. Good luck to everyone!

[Brn2blossom 88]

So this is going to piss off a lot of people. But I call BS on everyone that says they are a "private person" or "its nobody else's business" when trying to justify why they don't admit to having WLS. Saying you had your gall bladder removed or a hernia repaired or any other number of fake surgeries instead of WLS is "sharing" a personal health issue, just not the one you actually had. If you needed a knee or hip replacement, would you fib and say you sprained something to explain your brace and/or crutches? Do you hide your need for insulin if you have diabetes? Do you all wear contacts instead of glasses so people don't know you have bad vision? How about if you needed your appendix removed? A kidney transplant? Can you seriously say you would come up with a "story" to cover up the fact you needed these surgeries?

What are you all afraid of? Why are you ashamed? This was a huge commitment for all of us. Why aren't you willing to stand up and defend your convictions by being honest about your decision to have surgery? Some people claim they don't want to hear negative feedback. Well how is the social stigma of obesity and WLS ever going to be overcome unless those negative people hear and see all of our success stories for themselves. Every time I am asked about my weight loss I see it as an opportunity to educate. Maybe next time the subject is brought up, that person can say "I know someone that had VSG and she looks and feels great! Why don't you give her a call".

I don't mean to offend, I just don't think "privacy" is the whole reason why WLS isn't admitted to and talked about openly.

I completely agree with you. I felt that if I was ashamed of it, i shouldn't do it. Ive told people about it and also educate them at the same time. Most people have no clue. And what's funny to me is, I get more negativity from overweight people. My friends that are healthy are excited for me and support me. I NEED a support system, and keeping my surgery a secret would not create that.

Edited October 24, 2014 by Brn2blossom

[Sherrischeffler 74]

So this is going to piss off a lot of people. But I call BS on everyone that says they are a "private person" or "its nobody else's business" when trying to justify why they don't admit to having WLS. Saying you had your gall bladder removed or a hernia repaired or any other number of fake surgeries instead of WLS is "sharing" a personal health issue, just not the one you actually had. If you needed a knee or hip replacement, would you fib and say you sprained something to explain your brace and/or crutches? Do you hide your need for insulin if you have diabetes? Do you all wear contacts instead of glasses so people don't know you have bad vision? How about if you needed your appendix removed? A kidney transplant? Can you seriously say you would come up with a "story" to cover up the fact you needed these surgeries?

What are you all afraid of? Why are you ashamed? This was a huge commitment for all of us. Why aren't you willing to stand up and defend your convictions by being honest about your decision to have surgery? Some people claim they don't want to hear negative feedback. Well how is the social stigma of obesity and WLS ever going to be overcome unless those negative people hear and see all of our success stories for themselves. Every time I am asked about my weight loss I see it as an opportunity to educate. Maybe next time the subject is brought up, that person can say "I know someone that had VSG and she looks and feels great! Why don't you give her a call".

I don't mean to offend, I just don't think "privacy" is the whole reason why WLS isn't admitted to and talked about openly.

i told all my family/friends &co workers so if i do wrong they can remind me of my past weight &they dont offer me things i dont need & so far so good they all help me along with my journey & im very thankful & blessed for this kind of help/support.

[motherof5 364]

Thanks Kindle for this good talk. I am a private person and choose to tell only a few of friends. I just told my closest friend today and she is supportive. She said that she wish that I would have told her sooner so that she could have helped with my children.She even said that she is considering the WLS as well. I just didn't want to get talked out of it again. I didn't want her to be in opposition of what I was going to do. I am relieved! It was so hard to talk to her and not share with her something that is so important to me. She wants more info on it. If someone was to ask me if I had the surgery, I would say yes. I could be of some help to that person if they are interested. Thx again.

[jennyliz 7]

I don't feel i need to share this info with ignoramuses who may be gossip mongers. I will however share with people i feel will understand.

[jessiquoi 623]

@@jennyliz, i like your answer. because i feel like many of the people in the world fall under that description: "ignoramuses who may be gossip mongers".

[jennyliz 7]

Lol.