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What a bunch of oddball NSVs today
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I went to the hospital this morning to have a stress test. I need a colonoscopy and my doctor wanted something checked out regarding my ECG. I've been through hell and back in terms of my health so I'm not going to worry about anything unless or until I have to.
But the visit was chock full of NSVs from the gown being too big on me (rather than my having to hold it closed, or even wear two of them, back to front and front to back) to the nurse being blown away when she saw my pre band photo once she pulled up my electronic records to fitting into the echo machine. One time I had to have a special part put into the MRI machine so my huge trunk-like leg would fit into it. Talk about embarrassing.
I remember with such intensity, worrying about almost every situation in terms of my once obese body. Would I fit into something? Would I break something? Would someone say something nasty to me? Would I embarrass whomever I was with? Right now these feelings are very strong because the weight loss is new. I need to find that balance so I don't focus on it, but I don't lose sight of it either. I don't ever ever ever want to be heavy again.