WLS has made me a judgemental jerk!

[cheryl2586 3,053]

And for those about losing weight and finding God is a figure of speech not a true meaning. I don't throw religion or politics down peoples throats. This could have ended up being a good thread but its the way you presented it with total utter anger. You can feel it in every word you wrote so my suggestion would be the next time you are feeling like you want to freak out and know why, then think of how your post sounds to others before you hit publish.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Um okay, wow.............speechless. Well, almost. I get that you are working with Dr.s for you issues , good for you ! I also get that you are trying to figure out why you 're feeling so angry and judgemental etc. Dont know, im not a Dr. But if this is any help , years ago I went through a long , rough, hit rock bottom situation. It was all I could do to hold a basic conversation with people. I found that since I had no desire to speak alot, I had to choose my words very carefully. My boss commented about me " She is very blunt, she speaks her mind but she is very tactful, very polite, very careful of everyones feelings, but you know where you stand with her. "4 I was fine with that reputation, still am very careful to speak like that. You might want to choose your words slowly and carefully, that way you get your point across clearly, but are'nt offending anyone. My best to you !!!

[Nicolanz 1,484]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it must be miserable to think such ugly thoughts. I don't know much about mental illness, but I do know it's a real struggle. I hope you find something that works. This probably isn't the best place for that kind of support as you can see, a lot of people just don't understand and are provoking you negatively. I didn't read the whole thread so forgive me if you already said this......are you also involved with talk therapy to find better ways to cope? Good luck to you!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Somehow my "send button " got hit twice, sorry bout that. I did notice someone above made a comment about peri menopause and how it brings out the crankiness in some women. Oh, how true ! !!! That caused some bitchiness with me , and also, too much SUGAR make me extremely angry , VERY quickly !! Although you cant control all your problems, you can control your sugar intake to some degree. A healthier, less sugar diet does wonders for me. Just something to think about ! I wish you well.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Yes I know how mentally ill act but it doesnt give you the right to think bad about people who are trying to help themselves without have their body adjusted. You need to get your medications straightened out because you have some serious issues. If you dont want people to say things you dont like then dont put them out here for the world to see.

i dont think you know a single thing about mental illness! stop trying to shame this woman. she came her looking for help and support and you are treating her like she is a horrible human being! GOODNESS i am glad my thoughts are private, i hate to think how you would judge me! i am entitled to WHATEVER my thoughts might be. they are mine and no one else has the right to judge them. if i act on my thoughts, that is a different story.

you cannot shame people into changing. anyone on this site should intimately know that shaming someone is never a substitute for actual support. you are acting no differently than you are accusing her of acting... judgmental and unkind. (and ignorant of what she is actually struggling with)

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

The other day I lost it on the phone with a company that made peach muffins. You know why! Because she did not care that there were no peaches in my peach muffin. On this program you have to choose your eats. And I waited all day to eat half of that muffin..... I hate losing my cool. And most of the time I don't.....And as it was happening I said to myself...What is going on here?..Who is this woman screaming over a peach muffin?.A peach muffin for goodness sake....It wasn't even anything that was important!

So I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the girl on the other end of the phone...I am not usually like that! If you read this I am so sorry!

Edited August 18, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

• @jtickle I'm treated for bipolar and I think I understand some of where you're coming from. I grew up down south in a very racist environment. There are SO MANY times the first thought to pop in my head is very racist... not because it's what I really feel -- it's ingrained. As an intelligent, mature (sort of) woman now, I choose how I react or what I say out loud but I can't change the first thought that pops in my head. I choose my actions.

I've caught myself saying the things in my head you describe -- just this morning in the grocery line, there was a very large woman and I thought to myself "why doesn't she do something about all that weight..." like it was any of my business or any of my concern. But, I also caught myself, tried to change what I was thinking and kept my mouth shut.

Don't beat yourself up too much on what your first thoughts or reactions are... control your actions. And, like many of the other posters have suggested, try to find someone to talk things out with so maybe you can find out what the real source of the judgemental feelings is.

Best wishes.

[RNBSN786 206]

Sorry to see you go through this but I truly believe it's the medication that's taking a toll on you. Best to see a therapist where you can vent and best to see a psychiatrist to change your medication.

Before my surgery I was on anti anxiety and anti depressants and right after my surgery I gave it all up. I was sick of taking meds and didn't want to deal with it anymore. I also gave up the bad carbs (bread, Pasta, cakes, Cookies, rice, and sweets) and my mood is very stable. I used to be hyper and things would get to me pretty fast and after surgery I am calm and it takes a lot to get me angry.

As far as over weight people go, I feel for them and wish I could help them and have them see what I went through and how they can also improve their lives. But all you can do is help and not look down on them. We have all gone through it and we should understand them better than the general society so why judge those who are going through the same things as we did. Instead we should love them and care for them.

Anyways I hope you find a good therapist to help you get through this. Best of luck and I know you can do it!

[KayleeC14 159]

First, you shouldn't be shamed for posting such a forum because you are seeking help. I am pretty surprised by the responses on here. I am very opinionated person but I will leave my opinions on mental illness aside (which are not negative what-so-ever).

You are going through a total life changing journey and you are making changes in your life that you haven't made or thought of before. I can say I have not experienced what you are going through but have come across others who got in that mind frame. So, I can sorta get why you would starting to be judgmental towards others (which is fine as long as you keep it inside of you). I have cut ties with friends prior and during this journey because they did not support me. It is rough to cut out family members. Also our fat cells hold a lot of estrogen so when we loose that estrogen gets released so BAM flood of hormones are released and can cause a lot of mood changes and such. When I was at your stage I was very touchy and emotional all the time. I am not 9 months out and I can say that I am not as emotional as I was before. Also other than all those darn hormones you are battling being bipolar which is hard, I know many with that issue. The best thing for you is what you are doing is seeing your therapist, I would suggest to have him to have your meds check on a monthly basis just to make sure that during this journey you are getting the proper care and keeping your illness in check.

I wish nothing for the best for you, and best advice I can give you regarding some comments is to just ignore them and read the ones that suit you best. You got this girl!

Edited August 18, 2014 by KayleeC14

[sassyd1999 23]

I never said I was mean to those girls, I said I had thought of it. I posted this to get some support not to be told to quit being mean. I have kept the majority of my meanness inside me and I have patched things up with my best friend, but I refuse to with my brothers. They deserved what they got. I have severe bipolar disorder type 1. So just changing my attitude isn't that easy. So humble yourself and quit telling people not to be mean before you know the whole story.

I have to commend you for being honest about your feelings. We are not perfect and yes this wls can sometimes change our behavoirs and mindset (not everyone) I personally and no I am not a licensed therapist but only a nurse , feel it could be insecurity on your part not being confidence like your partner voiced. For example a confident person is self assured and tend to want the same success for others but not in a negative way. Jtickle.. like so many of us we have flaws that we need to work on and guess what the good thing about you ...you recognize it !!! Unlike some afraid to admit it. So judging others mentally sometimes is a way we judge ourselves subconsciously. Thats how you viewed yourself or someone else viewd you or still do . Take care

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think you are very brave to have posted this. There is a difference between confidence, asserting yourself, standing up for yourself and being mean.

I wonder (just a guess) if you are struggling with finding that balance? Alot changes when you lose massive weight and while it is awesome to get healthier, alot of these changes aren't so easy to deal with.

What I will say is that getting the emotional side "handled" is probably a key thing for long term maintenance. If you can't live at peace with yourself, with people you care about, you might start using food again to "regulate moods"

No judgement from me, here I am - will be 3 years out in December and I feel like I am finally "leveling out" and no longer vascilating between low confidence/uncomfortable in my skin and feelings of high emotions. It takes time, and often times help and advice from a great counselor or advisor. Good luck!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

On a slightly related topic - I do not understand why so many people (thi s is posted about ALOT on the forums so it is common) suddenly turn judgemental toward heavy people. That hasn't happened to me. I don't feel I need to rescue them- because I know we can only save ourselves, I don't feel disgusted by them or judgemental. It is like anyone else - a person walking with a limp, a person who is vision impaired, a person who seriously needs a better haircut..haha.. I might notice it, but the thought never occurs to me that it is really my business.

I completely respect that the original poster is recognizing this is not ideal behavior and trying to change it - I appluad that. What I don't understand is why this is so common? My only theory is that there is a pshcological protection - like if I can declare that it is "someone else" that has this huge issue then feel safer from it?

for me, even though I see myself as trim/normal weight, I still know that have the disease of obesity and I could "look" like that again very very easily. No judgement of others since I am too busy slaying my own dragons...haha.

[Junebug36 154]

Everyone has been judgmental of others at some point...EVERYONE. It is human nature, people...sheesh. I can't believe folks on here are lecturing someone for a "bad thought". The thoughts surprised her, so she came here for advice. My advice is; as long as your thoughts stay internal, and you don't force your opinion on others...just let the thought occur, and then let it go. You are human, my dear...it is normal. What is not normal is perfection. None of us are perfect. Don't over analyze it. Life is too short! A judgmental thought does not make a bad person....period. The fact you knew it was "mean" and are worried enough to get on a forum for help, tells me you have a good conscience and are a good person. Don't dwell on it....let negative thoughts roll off you like Water off a duck's back. Same with negative people...don't feed the drama...shrug them off and carry on :-)

Edited August 18, 2014 by Junebug36

[ladyfenixnc 5]

I can relate. I have become somewhat judgmental since I had my surgery 5 years ago and lost 150 pounds. I left my husband, had another baby, and become seriously sick. Now i am seeing a therapist trying to work out my issues. When the doctors tell you that you have to go through all the counceling before the surgery, don't take it lightly. This surgery changes everything!!

[Beth Pets 36]

When I quit smoking 13 years ago I went through a rough patch. Honestly, breaking an addiction and drastically changing your body chemistry is bound to wreak a little havoc. Have you thought of yoga? It helped me a lot, it's good for you and no nasty side affects.

In the end, it was like the Hair loss problem. Once your body get used to it's changes I am guessing you will level out emotionally as well.