So, I've been getting into a good exercise routine as my surgery date is quickly approaching (July 8th). I've really enjoyed going to Water aerobics classes and making it a part of my daily routine. Today after the class, I was talking to the instructor and told her how much I was enjoying her classes. I then shared with her the fact that I was having surgery in less than two weeks. As soon as I said it, I could tell from the look on her face that I shouldn't have mentioned it. She then began asking me all kinds of questions like, "Have you tried eating healthier? Eating less? Going to Weight Watchers?" I wanted to scream back at her, "OF COURSE I HAVE!!!", but instead, I just nodded my head and tried to wrap the conversation up. As I was leaving, she handed me a business card about a nutrition program she wanted me to look into before jumping into anything. Ugh! It is so frustrating that you can't share something that you've researched, worked hard to prepare for, and are making major adjustments to your lifestyle to make this entire process a success....just to be judged. I know it's not the first time and probably won't be the last time people look down on me for having the surgery. I am excited about this decision and feel like I don't want to have to keep it a secret, but I also don't want to have to explain myself or feel like people are going to look down on me based on a decision to better myself. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Who have you shared the info with that you are having or have had surgery with? What have you told people after the surgery when they ask about your weight loss???

The only person who made any snide remarks about my decision to have weight loss surgery was the woman at the hospital who performed some of my pre-admission testing. She was clearly overweight herself, and told me that she did not think iIwas heavy enough for the surgery.

So, in spite of the fact that my spine was collapsing from carrying over 100 pounds too much, and many serious health issues related to the weight, she let it be known that I should try harder at diet and exercise. (Yeah, how was THAT working out for me? I had been on one diet after another since 1978.)

When I got my Press-Gainey survey in the mail, I mentioned the incident in detail and how unprofessional it was of her to offer her own diagnosis of my condition, when her only responsibility was to do an unltrasound of my liver, and an EKG.

I know a lot of people don't bother with the survey forms they get, but coming from a retired hospital housekeeping manager,I am here to tell you that the surveys do make a difference. The feedback is extremely valuable. It is one of your tools in being an outspoken advocate for your own healthcare. A good experience needs to be mentioned as well as the bad. Sometimes it is the only patient follow-up that the hospital's administration gets.

sometimes you just need to say, "thank you for your concern," smile and walk away.

i have had 2 homebirths. when the pre op nurse was taking my history for surgery, she freaked out about it. she started shrieking and telling me i was "crazy" and "reckless." i was shocked a healthcare provider would act like this period, but i just smiled and asked her calmly if she needed any other info about my perfect, gentle, empowered births. and then i smiled, she got the message and stopped ranting and moved on.

sometimes you just need to give people a few moments to compose themselves with silence, calm, smiles, or other non reactive responses. if you join with them in their reactions or intensity, you have lost control of the situation. i actually like this NP. she was the most helpful to me post op. she made a mistake, had an unprofessional reaction and needed time to get it together.

just remain calm, smile, dont explain, and remember that everyone has their biases, and their inappropriate reactions. step back and give them the space to be who they are without feeling hurt by *their* issues.

Edited June 27, 201412 yr by moonlitestarbrite

Don't get discouraged, your mind is made up for all the reasons that work for you! You are not seeking the approval from anyone outside of your medical team.

People think they know it all. I remember sharing with a couple of people when I through about it back in 2006....my mother, who has never struggled with her weight was the worst critic. I have to admit that until 3 years ago I throught I could do this alone....and I can, it's just going to take me much longer without this tool.

I'm not saying anything about my procedure at work, it's no one's business. I've shared it with very few people and surprisingly, my mother has been very supportive this time. I'm going out for a procedure and that's it, end of story and at my age, I really could not care less about speculation and rumors, it's my choice.

Good luck to you, you're going to be very happen with your decision!

My date is July 8th too and I am getting good excited. I told my best friend did and got a similar reaction as you got from you aquatic instructor which completely surprised me. I then started to second guess myself but my mom and my husband helped me realize that this has been a hard journey and a decision that I made after careful contemplation and research. It's also taken a while for me to talk to others about it realize I am not failure because of choosing this tool. It's going to be hard but I am up for the challenge to be healthier! Good luck on the 8th.

Oh, how I can relate!

I love how everyone here has a different take on this subject. Some will tell the world and not care. Some will keep it to themselves so that you don't have to hear the judgey judgersons.

This time around I'm not telling many people. (I told more folks when I had the band yearrrsss ago) My best pal, my sister, my husband and kids...that's it.

I told my mom and I could see the judgement in her eyes. This is a woman that has been overweight her entire life. She told me "you know the right way to do this and so do I." Really?!? I've watched her yo yo forever. How's that working for her? It's NOT. Ugh.

We know how hard this is, we know what this journey is like, we know this isn't the easy way to go, and it's up to us whether or not we tell a damn soul.

After my second " why don't you try dieting and exercise one more time" speech, I changed my response. My inner smart ass came out. I thanked them for new insight that dieting and exercise would help me lose weight, since obviously I had NEVER tried it before. Not my finest moments, but what was said, was said. But I must add that this put a quick end to their zealous concerns.

Great response, Janet! Love that!

I have just started exploring surgery and gathering info and I just have to say, all of your responses are really insightful and helpful to me as I start this part of my life. I've only told my partner, sister and best friend about exploring surgery as an option for myself (all reacted positively, they've seen my struggle) and I have been very hesitant to bring it up with others (like co-workers or other people I know) because I'm not sure how they'd react.

Yes, there is a whole lot of ignorance and judgemental thinking out there. Several years ago, a business colleague who I had never met ftf blamed gastric surgery for the runaway cost of health care in the US! Really? This is an off-shoot of the prejudice that exists against heavy people. Many people think that being overweight is because you're lazy and sit around eating too much. The medical field is now beginning to realize that there are many factors involved with weight gain - and that it is not so simple as people think. I told my favorite cousin about the surgery and I now realize it was a mistake as even she seems to have these feelings - I haven't heard from her since I told her my news - no emails, phone calls, nothing...I don't get it! But we will be consoled later when we are so much thinner that all these issues will be completely unimportant!

I could just WEEP when I hear of stories like this. I guess we can chalk it up to ignorance? It's really too bad.

I have been careful about who I share with - a very good friend let me know that eventually everyone would figure it out since the weight would come off - I am very luck that where I work we are all very supportive of each other, as I began to share, some before and some after, I have received excellent positive support from my co-workers. Outside of my department I haven't talked about it much, but I know I will get questions eventually as I am usually involved with other departments. And my customers - they will notice too - especially since we only see each other about once every two months or so... I have a friend that brags about self-control (She lost about 30 lbs while going through a divorce) and about how she is now a hot cougar, I can't imagine telling her - she would immediately say why can't you do it like I did? I don't have the balls to say "you mean get divorced?"

Yeah, probably not the best thing to say. BUT, restrictive diets don't tend to work long term. What you have chosen to do is very safe AND very effective for the long term. Don't worry about her.

I found that the people who know me the best, my family and closest friends, were very supportive of my decision. It was others who don't know what I have gone through with other medical issues, who thought it was crazy. I assured them that of course I had tried to get the weight off and keep it off, for more than 30 years. Enough is enough.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Who have you shared the info with that you are having or have had surgery with? What have you told people after the surgery when they ask about your weight loss???

I know how you feel, Erin. Other people's reactions can be really frustrating, mostly because they don't give you the benefit of the doubt/think you've really tried anything, and they haven't walked miles in your shoes. The overall impression I get from people I tell is disappointment/sadness, almost like they think I'm a fool or I'm "going under the knife" for lazy, cosmetic reasons. This couldn't be further from the truth--I want my health and energy back. Some remain unconvinced even when I tell them of my current high cholesterol, back pain, diet attempts, difficulty finding clothes that fit and finding jobs, etc. Like beating my head on a brick wall. My husband's approval (at least financially) is all I need at this point--screw everyone else. I've decided the best policy is to tell as few people as possible, it's not their body and just not their business.

And afterwards, when they ask how I did it, I'm going to tell them Weight Watchers worked really well. It won't be a lie, exactly--I'm still going to follow my points to some extent and exercise, technically Weight Watchers and all it's taught me about Protein, Fiber, fat, and food choices will be at play in my mind.

I have been sleeved. I did not break the law. I decided to get healthy the only way I could..As I tried it all their way before.....People are so unbelievably ignorant of the facts. They want to keep the funds in their pockets as well and keep society quiet about what is available for them. It bugs me to no end..

Really great point, I could not have put it better myself. The reactions I get from people are almost like I am breaking a rule or a law, rather than undergoing a procedure that could really help me overall. About 75% of those I've told (most of whom are healthcare personnel) seem to emote a quiet judgment, like they really disapprove of this. I catch myself thinking that if I had been addicted to cocaine/meth/alcohol, and came to them, they would extend their arms and be a lot more supportive, trying to give me a hand up out of the problem since I'd sought help. And yet, I've done none of those (illegal) things, kept my nose clean and tried to diet hard, and catch tons of crap just for wanting a WL procedure. Like you mentioned, I'm almost treated like a criminal.

I am also on the 8th July ( initial they said 7th) and I am all over the place..I wish you all good luck and ignore all the bad reactions...I don't want to share it and my husband also asked me not to share as we don't want to deal with this type of things..my journey is not an easy one and it's my decision which it should not be " judged" by anyone else...yes i did diet most of my life..just didn't work...I want a better life and I fell this the way to have it....I try to stay positive ....good luck again to you all and I hope next week to be able to share some positive post-op. things.