Thing again.

I theorize it is because I am thin now. When I was fat people thought it was good I didn't eat much. Now that everybody thinks I am thin, my small portions are gathering unwanted attention and i don't like it.

Maybe this belongs in the rant section, but I really really really wonder why it is people even CARE what I am eating? My BMI is still in the 23 range so it's not like I am skin and bones either.

I have not been feeling 100% lately and eating greasy fried food doesn't sit well. So last night I was at a tavern and could not imagine a burger and fries so I ordered veggies with hummous. You would have thought I ordered a side of birdseed to eat based on the reaction I got ...grrr

Yes, I am socializing more with people who didn't know me as obese and don't know about my surgery... but still...

Okay, rant over.

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

I think it's annoying, too, and I am far from being over sensitive about ANYTHING. There is a big diff between a casual "you aren't eating much, are you?" and someone who tries to turn it into a full blown conversation. If I say that I'm not very hungry (with a smile) there really is nothing more to discuss. And no, this is not indicative of a current eating disorder at all.

I don't mention your gray roots, how funny looking your child is, how many carbs and chemicals you are eating, your husband's propensity to talk to my boobs, how unflattering your dress is, that your house smells like a cat box, etc. No, not an eating disorder... Manners.

Edited June 24, 201412 yr by LipstickLady

there is little difference between "you eat like a bird" and "you eat like a pig." both are judgements about how you are eating. which is a boundary violation. unless someone is an intimate and is actually expressing loving concern about what you are eating... its not anyone's business.

but as a former nursing mom and the homeschooling parent of 2 high needs kids... i can personally attest to people's fondness for commenting on things that are none of their business and that they usually know nothing about, to complete strangers.

I think it's annoying, too, and I am far from being over sensitive about ANYTHING. There is a big diff between a casual "you aren't eating much, are you?" and someone who tries to turn it into a full blown conversation. If I say that I'm not very hungry (with a smile) there really is nothing more to discuss. And no, this is not indicative of a current eating disorder at all. I don't mention your gray roots, how funny looking your child is, how many carbs and chemicals you are eating, your husband's propensity to talk to my boobs, how unflattering your dress is, that your house smells like a cat box, etc. No, not an eating disorder... Manners.

This is why your my hero Lipstick!!

I think it's annoying, too, and I am far from being over sensitive about ANYTHING. There is a big diff between a casual "you aren't eating much, are you?" and someone who tries to turn it into a full blown conversation. If I say that I'm not very hungry (with a smile) there really is nothing more to discuss. And no, this is not indicative of a current eating disorder at all.

I don't mention your gray roots, how funny looking your child is, how many carbs and chemicals you are eating, your husband's propensity to talk to my boobs, how unflattering your dress is, that your house smells like a cat box, etc. No, not an eating disorder... Manners.

Did I say "small talk" or "full blown conversation"?

I said "small talk". Different proposition.

Edited June 24, 201412 yr by JerseyCityGal

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

Do you really need someone to point out the difference between small talk and a deliberate insult? Seriously?

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

Do you really need someone to point out the difference between small talk and a deliberate insult? Seriously?

Noting that you are very recently sleeved, not near goal and have not lived with any if the "aftermath" of going from morbidly obese to thin in a relatively short period of time, you have very possibly not heard how snide some of the "eating like a bird" comments are. Yes, some of them are clearly insults or judgmental and that opinion does not come from your assumption (you know what people say about assuming ) of psychological issues or an eating disorder.

I still get comments but stick with a few stock answers;

To waiters: "I'm full, thanks!. It was great!"

To close friends, family: "Yep, this is how I eat to stay at goal. It's important to me to stay healthy."

To acquaintances and strangers: I just laugh it off and say something like "it works for me!"

I also get:

"You're so tiny!" Reply: "Thanks, I feel great!"

"How do you stay so skinny?" Reply: "Weight loss surgery! It's successful if you work it!"

"You eat that?" Reply: " I can eat anything in small amounts."

Lynda

So, the real issue is that it is my body and I don't criticize or comment on people eating really junky or drinking booze like a fish but they somehow feel free to comment on me eating healthy foods in healthy quantities. I can handle it, but I do wonder why people feel entitled to judge my eating when I am a normal weight/BMI/size (I am not underweight and I have very healthy labs - I eat healthy).

It has been 6 weeks since I posted this and the person who I was eating with knows me better now and I have straightened him out and he now leaves me alone on this topic since it was becoming very annoying. He eats HUGE portions I have no idea why he doesn't weigh 400# but I would never say that..haha

JerseyCityGal - are you stating or implying that I have an eating disorder because I don't particularly enjoy having my food intake monitored and commented on? It is interesting that neither my counselor, weight loss surgeon, nutritionalist or primary care physician share that opinion but I guess me ranting about getting grief over eating light is enough evidence for this diagnosis? Please accept my apologies if I have misunderstood your statement:

"You're proving my point. To a person with an eating disorder, it's a hypersensitive boundary thing.

To a normal person, it's called "small talk"."

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

i personally dont give a rats ass about what others say. i know what people say is about them, not me. but to some people, it really bothers them. everyone is different.

You're proving my point. To a person with an eating disorder, it's a hypersensitive boundary thing.

To a normal person, it's called "small talk".

On the flip side, I wouldn't think it was small talk if someone looked at my plate and commented about how much food was on it. "Wow, you sure are cramming a lot into your pie hole."

Do you really need someone to point out the difference between small talk and a deliberate insult? Seriously?

You're comments are coming off overly defensive as you try to dismiss the OP's feelings on the statements made to her. However you want to view it, the comments insulted the OP.

I've often observed (as have many others) that being overweight is one of the few things that people really feel free to call you on in public. My husband, who has not had the surgery and is obese, was just told this week by someone he hasn't seen in a year "You look like a beach ball" and "You look like Fred Flintstone." He further reports that his eating habits, which are pretty good in public, have been also called out, "You sure don't LOOK like you eat salad all the time," etc. I don't know for sure, but I imagine that really skinny people also have issues with this.

I spent the weekend with friends and I noticed also that in general, people's eating habits were dissected. From the 14 year old teenage incredibly skinny runner who heard at every meal and a lot of times in between "Oh, don't put that platter by Dan! He'll eat all the food on it and the platter besides" to my overweight son who had food pushed on him at every opportunity "What do you mean, no candy at the movie theatre? Live a little, Mom." (We had just eaten dinner and dessert 20 minutes before.) This can be a real problem. The surgery and the results from it have made us hyper focused on this for sure, but I know that I am now very careful about commenting about any plate other than my own. Wish others would be, too.

I find that just because we decide to change for the better it doesn't change the world only a small part of it, so just Rock-On

Interesting thread. Thanks for starting it, Cowgirl.

I'm betting (in the US, especially -- which is the FATTEST place in the world, eh?) almost everyone is thinking about food almost all the time. Fat, skinny or "normal" (whatever that is!), our culture teaches us that food is good and food is bad.

In my experience, this doesn't happen in some other cultures like (parts of) France, Netherlands, India, Germany, etc. But it's more likely to be present in cultures where food, eating, cooking are the principal ways of socializing and entertainment.

I agree with all those on this thread who have commented that it's socially inept, if not downright rude, to comment on others' eating and diets.

In fact, it's almost as socially inept / rude / inappropriate / clueless as a BP newbie telling a BP veteran that she has an eating disorder. JerseyCityGal, lrn2lurk.

I never did understand why people use "you eat like a bird" with a negative connotation. it's just plain stupid, a bird has a high metabolism and is consistently eating. A bird eats about 1/2 it's weight in food daily and still remains thin. No human can eat like a bird although, I for one would love to be able to eat 1/2 my weight and stay thin.

that being said, it's a judgmental comment whether it was meant as small talk or not.

I'm amazed and irritated at the things people will say to me about my eating too. And okay, offended. That they mean well doesn't much change this, manners and decorum and boundaries are still expected, at least by me.

Recently my sister who knows all about my WLS has been telling me I should be eating more, pushing food on me, talking to me about her "knowledge" of how much our bodies need more things that I'm eating. She's advocating large portions of veggies, little treats, drinks I can't have, and lots of carb-laden starches I choose not to eat just now. I've told her my eating plan and keep reiterating the doc, nut, and RN's advice, and she of course persists, all the while complaining vociferously that she's just GOT to lose 30 pounds (yes, she's overweight). I hate that she keeps doing it and she's not any sort of medical or dietary trained person - just pushy and likes to know all. If it weren't so irritating I'd have laughed at replaying the whole thing yet again the other day. I've decided now I'm just not going to do anything to means sharing meal time with her for a long while.

It's not her or anyone else's business to "fix" my eating! And hey, for once it's not even broken. One more "Have some...." or "Is that all you're eating?" or "That's not good for you to eat so little!" and I swear I'll lose it. All these years I've been not just obese, but "morbidly obese" she's championed any eating plan I attempted, this one included. And this just feel like sabatage. It is definitely NOT okay.

CowgirlJane - you're right on the mark with this one!