Dating after Weight Loss Surgery

[jjinWA 511]

Trying to find a soul mate when you are overweight is open to multiple pitfalls. Honestly I find online dating to be similar to a "kid in a candy store." Most guys check in to try a sweet treat and nothing more. They really only want the "perfect" piece with a great wrapper! Never mind the fact that he might be a stale piece of old Jerky himself. Ha! Saddest thing of all is the fact that really great, kind, loving, caring, intelligent, gorgeous women are never looked at or considered to be asked out on a date simply because they are overweight. A girl can be a complete "B", be in debt up to her arse, have no education, have 10 kids, been divorced 5 times, and be unemployed and she will be seen as a better choice over a girl who has none of those concerns (let alone all of them).... And instead will be shunned simply because she is overweight. The guy will not even look her way and will never know what he missed! I am not saying any one of those traits I mentioned here are cause to look down on a person..... BUT, being overweight is always the first eliminator! I could simply say to the guy " I may be fat, but you are stupid.... And I can lose weight." But let's face it, the whole dating process for an overweight woman is hurtful, painful, and even lonely at times. Yes, there are a few princes out there, but the warts you get from every frog you meet does put an extreme overload on the self worth, and self confidence that we struggle so hard to maintain. This might be partially true for some overweight men, but I firmly believe that more women are willing to look past such imperfections then there are men who can make claim to that virtue. For me.... Well I am lucky... Been married for 40 years. Yup, he is a prince in every sense of the word. But I gotta ask myself.... I was very young and very petite when I met him. I was 19 and he was 24.... Wonder if he would have even looked my way had I weighed 225 lbs, as I do today. He may have never gotten the chance to get to know me and to share all these wonderful 40 years together simply because being fat did not warrant a second look. Just thinking that I might have missed out on meeting my true soulmate simply because my weight might have stopped him from walking across the room to meet me truly breaks my heat.....Because I know that happens all too often in real life. I see if first hand with my daughters, who are also too heavy to warrant a second look.

[planningband07 52]

Not all men are the way you describe. I have mostly dated men from other countries or racial backgrounds than mine because every other country or race in the world, except the typical white american or European men, like their women softer

[jjinWA 511]

I love your word "softer" much better then mine ( fat or overweight). I will always refer to myself now as a kinder "softer" person. Really that is a terrific way to reference ourselves when we weigh a bit more then Twiggy! Thank you for that!

[Frank Tardiff 18]

Who here is post op and had issues with men, (or women:) ) not wanting them because of there weight. Do you you do online dating now/before surgery? Are you having more luck now? What are you telling dates? Thanks:)

In my case I was 360lbs at 6'2" and my wife was 145lbs at 5'11" when we met 20yrs ago, I was 440lbs at surgery. I'm now 210lbs and she has expressed that she is no longer sexually attracted to me because she likes big guy's. I am at a loss for words...

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Frank..I am so sorry, it is hard to understand.

[jjinWA 511]

I have heard of similar instances such as you expressed here Frank. Not being an expert on this topic or anything close to it I cannot express this in professional terms, but instead wonder myself if this is her way of trying to hold on to what seems secure to her. As you lose weight you become more confident, etc. and she fears you may become more attractive to other women. She loves you and does not want to lose you. You being 360 lbs makes her feel more secure then you bring 220 lbs. be sure to make her feel special no matter what you weigh and let her know she is the only one for you. Nth at may help.

[PRINCESSM 210]

Frank that's terrible, I hope she can see how wrong that is! Easy for me to say because I just like men... Not picky Enough! The shallowness of judging based just on appearance just makes me sad

[CrazyJaney 775]

I'm fascinated by the whole online dating thing. I'm married so I don't have the first clue what it's like but I have a friend that does POF. It seems everyone meets online these days. I really believe there is someone for everyone and how great that the world becomes a smaller place to find then. I realize (or so I have been told) that the grass is not greener.

[Blue614 133]

I tried plenty of fish, 3 days later I deleted the acct. Was not the place for me!

[Susysleever 265]

I hear ya' Cowgirl... it's harder when it seems like everyone you know is married and all their friends are married... very different scene from 20's or early 30's when there are still a lot of single people around. And I think some of the guys in the 50's area want younger trophy types anyway.

I think it's funny how many guys on the online sites post pictures of their cars or fish they caught or motorcycles... things that other guys would be interested in. Just who are they trying to attract anyway??? lol

My favorite was the guy with the walker and oxygen tank

[RNBSN786 206]

Men are men, no matter what country or race they are, they want their women to be slim and not be over weight. Its like this especially in the Indian culture. If I was thin like a decade ago or even in my early 20s, I would have been married by now...sad but true, appearance is the first thing people see no matter where you go even if its for dating, marriage or work.

[Blue614 133]

Men are men, no matter what country or race they are, they want their women to be slim and not be over weight. Its like this especially in the Indian culture. If I was thin like a decade ago or even in my early 20s, I would have been married by now...sad but true, appearance is the first thing people see no matter where you go even if its for dating, marriage or work.

not all men, I like my ladies with curves..not into bags of bones..sorry

[planningband07 52]

I agree that every culture that is greatly influenced by western culture does prefer slimmer women. Pornography, movies and marketing advertises sexy and beautiful as very slim women.

I also believe that the first thing people notice is how they feel when they are around you. I tend to make people feel relaxed and even admired because I genuinely love meeting people. I think that inward beauty can be seen and felt.

Most of all, the confidence that I feel is from within. I believe that I am a beautiful woman inside and out because God made me that way. I used to feel ugly and unattractive but after all I've been through in my life, I feel very accomplished and loved. Also, my dad helped me so much. I think that maybe you should try to find the beauty inside yourself and share it with others. You should stop seeing yourself as overweight or unattractive and realize that while man looks on the outward appearance, God looks on the heart and that's what is the most beautiful thing about each person, what's inside, not what's outside.

[RNBSN786 206]

I agree that every culture that is greatly influenced by western culture does prefer slimmer women. Pornography, movies and marketing advertises sexy and beautiful as very slim women.

I also believe that the first thing people notice is how they feel when they are around you. I tend to make people feel relaxed and even admired because I genuinely love meeting people. I think that inward beauty can be seen and felt.

Most of all, the confidence that I feel is from within. I believe that I am a beautiful woman inside and out because God made me that way. I used to feel ugly and unattractive but after all I've been through in my life, I feel very accomplished and loved. Also, my dad helped me so much. I think that maybe you should try to find the beauty inside yourself and share it with others. You should stop seeing yourself as overweight or unattractive and realize that while man looks on the outward appearance, God looks on the heart and that's what is the most beautiful thing about each person, what's inside, not what's outside.

I dont deny a single thing you have said but in reality, men prefer slimmer women. Slim doesnt means bones either where I would have said skinny or a stick, slim can be gracefully thin or slender. As far as loving myself, I do love myself and I did this surgery for health reasons and also I dont want to be rejected cause of my looks and people do reject people for weight reasons. No matter how much you think its true or not, but its reality.

After losing some weight due to my surgery, I am loving myself even more...if we didnt love ourselves, we wouldnt go through this surgery. I would have sat on my ass and not done anything about it....

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@@JeanZ_RN

You go girl! Sounds like you jumped in with both feet first!

Wishing you crazy success in finding just what you're looking for!

Ginger