Who here is post op and had issues with men, (or women:) ) not wanting them because of there weight. Do you you do online dating now/before surgery? Are you having more luck now? What are you telling dates? Thanks:)

I have been online dating since my divorce 2 years ago and currently dating the sweetest man ever, we met on Christian Mingle. I'm planning on surgery June-July 2014 and he has said he's supportive either way. I actually kinda worry that he may not like me thinner cause he likes me so much now. But I'm not worried enough to stop planning my surgery! Lol

I was really hoping to meet someone before I lost the weight but that doesn't seem to be happening. I want someone to love me for me

I was really hoping to meet someone before I lost the weight but that doesn't seem to be happening. I want someone to love me for me

You will find someone who loves you for you. When the right one comes along it won't matter where you are in your journey. When it's right, it's right. Be patient. And in the meantime you'll get to figure out who you REALLY are inside! Many of us are hiding behind our weight. We find new confidence, self assurance, and self discovery! When you love yourself others see you differently and will love you too. Each pound lost allows a little more of that special person to shine through... :-)

I've been wondering about some of these questions as well. Newly divorced and looking to step out there into the dating world. I've tried Christian Mingle too but it seems hard to get anyone to respond to smiles or winks or whatever. It just seems to be so "looks" oriented -- you have those couple of pictures that people look at before they ever get to the profile. I sit there trying to figure out if it's the weight or my short hair or 20 other factors that keep people from responding.

And then I try to take a step back and say to myself "Self, you are a caring, loving, deserving person and you deserve someone who looks beyond the exterior and gets to know the real you."

It takes a lot of positive self-talk and reframing... maybe I'll get it down someday...

sometimes it's not the body changes that attracts people, but the confidence, pride, and self worth that makes you stand out.

What I've found works well as far as online dating is having a great face pic with a big smile! Guys like girls who are happy and confident, no matter what size you are!

Online dating is sooo much rejection! My issue is I keep running into married men! Even on these paod Christian sites I've met them. And then on them all just the typical they only want sex:/ fwb kinda thing... Seriously?!?! Is it me? My weight? Just me? Lol or there no good guys online? It's getting old...

Marysminute! Lol that's true online or in person! There are lots of men just looking for sex, but there are also lots of men who are tired of dating and want to settle down. Typically, until a man is closer to 30, they are still in their "wild oats" stage. Also. If you let them know you are not opposed to sex altogether, just not open to sex until marriage or when in a loving committed relationship, they should relax a little. There are a lot of women who have either sexual abuse or self conscious issues with their bodies, which prevent them from ever enjoying sex. Since sex is really a big deal to men, they seem to try to weed out the ones who won't ever want sex. On the other hand, when it comes to men, let them chase you more than you chase them because your value will go up tremendously. If you make them wait for sex at least a good 90 days, they will have invested enough in the relationship that they will not want to give you up!

I've been single for 3 years. I'm down 25 lbs now. I feel better, but I'm not ready to really DATE yet. I went out with a guy from work that wanted to buy me lunch. I asked him to split a meal. He obliged. He knows I've lost weight and am really trying to get in shape. I definitly want to make sure the guy I do date is totally okay with sharing meals. Although they better be flexible since I'm a picky eater being a vegetarian and all.

I found my guy thru a car club... we have the same kind of car and we met at a show... we were friendly, at first... things eventually changed...and I was over 300 pounds, so I never thought we'd be anything but friends (like everyone..major self esteem issues)... he is a lovely, lovely man and takes great care of me... I never thought I'd find anyone like that... so be patient and it will happen, I BELIEVE!!!!

"Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Life hands you a Fairytale"

Edited May 7, 201412 yr by BigGirlPanties

I started dating 3 yrs after my husband of 19 yrs passed away and 9 mths post op lapband and down about 75 lbs. I met my share of "chubby chasers" - one who even asked me if I could have my "device" removed so I'd quit losing weight. I told those whom I had a meal with, not necessarily just coffee. Since I had moved 3,000 miles away (from VA to OR) to start over, I didn't know a soul so I went online. Spent $240 on a yr of Eharmony - didn't meet 1 person. Spent $135 for 6 mths of Match.com - had 2 lunch dates. Plenty of Fish was FREE and I had about 20 dates - and met my now husband.

Like I said, it took losing about 75 lbs (down to about 175) before I had the confidence to start dating again. U need confidence to date - especially when u haven't done it since age 18!

Good luck and have fun! Like I said, I was open about my experience with wls. Never heard an unkind comment. Most of the guys were impressed with my loss and very encouraging. It's up to u tho what u want to share...

Edited May 7, 201412 yr by marfar7

I've waisted so much $$$$ on match, eharnorny, Christian mingle, Christian cafe...I've had the same issue with guys asking me if I would gain weight...NO!!!

I spent 10 years raising 2 girls on my own, moved from the east coast to the west coast, then joined plenty of fish. I met my husband 8 months after I moved here. We've been married 2 years and very happy! He is a wonderful man. I was 270-ish when we met.

<p><span style="color:#800080;">I found my guy thru a car club... we have the same kind of car and we met at a show... we were friendly, at first... things eventually changed...and I was over 300 pounds, so I never thought we'd be anything but friends (like everyone..major self esteem issues)... he is a lovely, lovely man and takes great care of me... I never thought I'd find anyone like that... so be patient and it will happen, I BELIEVE!!!!</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="color:#800080;">"Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Life hands you a Fairytale"</span></p>

I never though I would ever see a girl interested in cars like that. I just sold my mini truck and am looking to buy another, but that's one thing my husband and I love to do together!

My daughter-in-law is big into cars and she's such a tiny little thing too. But the red muscle car in the driveway is hers, not my son's. In fact, that's how they met....on a car forum and then in person and they've been married nearly six years.