Who here is post op and had issues with men, (or women:) ) not wanting them because of there weight. Do you you do online dating now/before surgery? Are you having more luck now? What are you telling dates? Thanks:)

CGJ is 100% right. coffee isn't supposed to be the date. It's supposed to be a safe, neutral place to connect in person to decide if you want to go on a date with each other. It's really a way to streamline and not waste a bunch of nights on long dinner type dates with mr. or ms. wrong.

Sheesh no offense but some of you on here are mighty negative and judgy.

Most decent men don't have a bunch of pics around of just themselves without other people. What you can't tell from these photos is whether they went fishing or hunting one time with some friends and somebody took a picture, or else they just liked the idea of looking sporty/masculine or whatever.

Give people a break and try to keep an opened mind.

I would also suggest that you look closely at the profiles with no pictures at all. That is where you will find the men with the really good careers/important jobs as they don't want thier employees/colleagues to see them online. Just a tip.

Happy dating!!

woo woo - is that a papillion in your profile? i love my little pap!

Oh, and some of the ones without photos are married guys or unattractive ones but I am sure there are gems in there as well.

I have accepted that MOST, but not all men aren't very conscious of their own appearance so don't take care to have amazing photos so try to not judge them too hard on that one. Not all of them can write blazing amazing profiles either, so I just try to think in terms of compatible interests. I just want a guy to be in somewhat decent shape, live a reasonable distance, have a job/career and compatible interests (outdoorsy girl here!). Chemistry, personality, how well they commmunicate etc I just can't judge until we meet. In fact, the big fat liar that i encountered had great photos, was very charming - in hindsight a total player that knew how to work the system. I suspect some of the less impressive profiles are more ordinary guys... watch out for the silver tongued slick dudes. I did learn a great lesson - catch em in the very first fib and they are GONE because who knows where the lies stop and the truth begins? I decided that many people lie on their profiles and i used to be somewhat okay with it, but have decided it is a huge red flag. There are two topics men commonly like about that are obvious to notice when you meet - their age and their height.

No you are right, I should have added the caveat that they should offer to send pics via email right away!

My pic is actually a long coat chihuahua, they are related to papillons though. The "wings" are not as pronounced as the paps but otherwise they are very similar. Love em!

Bottom line on this online dating - you have to dig to find the gold I guess In the end it's worth the work when you find your keeper.

I am getting serious about finding someone to enter a relationship with... there are topics around this that i would like to discuss with other single ladies in a private setting.... I have created a private / members only group for those discussions.

We can share some experiences, give feedback on profiles, talk about how to "stay safe" and maybe tips on how to be successful at this! Any of you that are in the middle of this fun and games are welcome to join but need to be invited as it is a private group. Contact me via if you are interested and I will invite you!

I don't consider myself negative or judgey. I didn't say I don't like the bass or deer or motorcycle or car pics, I just want to be able to see their face clearly (not backlit) in at least one picture. Actually, the car pics don't do it for me. I'm not materialistic and if I want a freakin' expensive car, I'll buy one for myself, thank you very much. The motorcycle is different because that's not just transportation, it's like a lifestyle/hobby thing, too.

I do have a few requirements I consider important for profiles -- I think it's a big red flag when they say they are a PhD professor or a master's degree holding engineer but they can't put things into sentences or they spell REALLY poorly (not just -- I'm typing on my iPad poorly).

I won't look at profiles without a picture. Nine out of ten guys put in their profile that they won't respond to profiles without a pic and neither will I. And if the first email I get from them is "you are so beautiful, you are the one for me, I want to make you the happiest woman on earth"... PASS! Or if they start with "distance doesn't matter".... ummmm, yes it does if you're a professional with a career and not willing to relocate.

Go check out some of the Dr. Phil shows on online dating scams ... it's amazing what some people.fall for.

@@Ginger Snaps I was looking at someone else when I said that about negativity!

I think you have some very valid points.

Edited May 20, 201412 yr by woo woo

So I online dated before surgery and now after, i definalty get hit on more , its fun and interesting and they always ask WHY are you single??????

now the eating thing is kinda tricky at first cause you cant eat anything and they think your being shy or something.. I told one guy that i had surgery because we started to really see each other on a regular basis and he was wondering why I wont eat anything and it started to get a bit weird, but at 2 years out I dont tell them, I can eat more not alot but enough so that questions are not asked. i usually order veggies and chicken breast or somehting i now is going to be small...

Thanks Woo Woo... I think I jumped into thinking you were talking about me because I do feel very picky. It sounds kinda snotty but I am going to be pretty discriminating this time around. I have a very successful career and my ex was very intimidated by my income. He always made it an issue and even now says resentful things like how it's not fair that I get to take the kids on vacation, etc. Even though I'm paying him alimony... Go figure!

Anyway, even though I'm not materialistic I want someone kind of on the same income and education level. Just so we don't have that kind of disparity to have conflict over.

However I've frequently thought of finding a sexy handyman to take care of the house and yard while I earn the bacon!

Ok. Guess this thread has gone way off topic! Lol

Thanks Woo Woo... I think I jumped into thinking you were talking about me because I do feel very picky. It sounds kinda snotty but I am going to be pretty discriminating this time around. I have a very successful career and my ex was very intimidated by my income. He always made it an issue and even now says resentful things like how it's not fair that I get to take the kids on vacation, etc. Even though I'm paying him alimony... Go figure!

Anyway, even though I'm not materialistic I want someone kind of on the same income and education level. Just so we don't have that kind of disparity to have conflict over.

However I've frequently thought of finding a sexy handyman to take care of the house and yard while I earn the bacon!

Ok. Guess this thread has gone way off topic! Lol

I could have written this.

Been there done that with the ex I still give money to. Sigh.

This may sound shallow but I'm waiting until after I have the surgery to start going out and meeting guys. I understand the whole wanting someone to love you for you, not just because you're skinny but i want to find a guy when I'm skinnier. I have no confidence now. I have guys approach me often and I just think of it as a joke because I think there is no way a guy could find me attractive the way I am. I want to work on myself and become the best me I can before I bring a guy into my life. I think by doing it this way I will know for sure I'm not settling for anyone and they are not settling for me.

@Kquinn Not shallow at all -- smart! I thought I'd "dip my toe" in dating pre-surgery but I'm not really ready either. Like you, I want to work on myself first. Thinking about and planning for this surgery has made me much more self-conscious about my weight right now. I'm much more aware of it.

When I'm looking through profiles I pass right over the ones where they are very athletic looking or if they mention being "fit" or "healthy eating" -- just because I feel like they wouldn't even consider dating me.

I'm sure this is one of those emotional things I'll have to work through after surgery -- probably will need lots of counseling!

Ginger I do the same thing. Was out dancing Saturday night and when a guy danced with me I had to wonder if he was just joking - like "let's find the ugliest girl here to dance with for fun". Horrible to have so little confidence. And I told the guy I had been seeing about the surgery and he is against it because he likes his women fluffy which means he cares more about himself than he cares about me and my health!

Can we get a couple dating threads going? I've lots of computer dating stories. Last saturday my date took me to Lowes. The hardware store. And a Dairy Queen cone.

Hahahaha! How did you like going on a date at Lowes? I love Lowes lol

Lowes was horrible. One guy posted a pic of him on his horse..from the back end. Nice horses ass.

Haha... okay, I have a couple of stories of "worst dates ever". One was funny and the other a little scary to be honest. The funny one was a guy with extreme OCD and a fatal allergy to shellfish - which of course is what i ordered at the restaurant. That whole evening was a comedy. Then, I met him at a speed dating event...haha. He didn't remember me, but i surely remembered him! Once I reminded him he said, and I quote "I don't remember you looking this good, must be the dim lighting in here". Bless him. haha. Actually, what had changed was i had lost a bit more weight and had major plastics but I love his lack of filter - seriously, you would tell someone they look great, but it must be due to the lack of lighting?

The scary story involved a guy more or less attacking me after a very nice dinner together. I was appalled and shocked... seriously, how do you make it to your mid 50s and not realize how incredibly rude that is.

I created a private group to discuss things, including perhaps giving each other tips on dating site profiles etc which I don't want to post publicly. I have some tips on how I keep my profile relatively private on POF and still find dates! Anyway, try this link and click on "join group". I will need to approve your membership and then you can join this discussion if you wish.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/groups/404-single-and-dating-post-wls/